Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch

[Anonymous]

why not have dinner catered at your home? then you can control the costs better.

[Anonymous]

OP, if these people are your friends, they will be honored to be invited to your home to celebrate with your husband. Do cake and appetizers at home (I second PP about Trader Joe's). Serve beer and wine and all will have a great time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what is the "norm" for your group when it comes to birthday dinners?

I don't have a group. DH and I moved here from the West Coast 3 years ago and just started really making some good friends in the last year through book clubs, volunteering, etc. So I don't have a group and while we have been invited to birthday dinners, they have always been potluck birthday dinners via e-vite where the hostess expects everyone to contribute an entree. I never saw anything wrong with that.

OP, I think a birthday party at home is a great idea. You can cook for ten pretty easily, even without a potluck. It is always nice to have someone cook for you, even if it's a simple meal. People really enjoy the company more than anything else. I don't think you need a potluck for ten. You could do heavy appetizers (some homemade, some not) with drinks, or do a couple of baked dishes, salad, side, etc. Even if price weren't an issue, with new friends, this would be better than a restaurant - at a restaurant, you're seated and stuck talking to a few people. At home, you can circulate and mingle among your new-ish friends.

I think it sounds lovely and if I knew you I'd help you cook - I frequently host casual dinners for ten - always fun, no sweat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to get a grip (imagine you're Prissy and Miss Scarlett is smacking you). This is what you do. Have the party at your house. Got to Trader Joe's or Cosco or wherever and buy some meatballs, tartlets, cheeses, etc. Wrap some asparagus in prosciutto, wrap a small brie wheel in phyllo, buy a reasonably priced cake, lots of wine, beer, champagne, a little liquor, and have a blast.

You're making way too much out of this and pressuring yourself. My guess is that eventually, the stress it's causing you will transfer to your husband, and you'll make him miserable. Really, does your husband care whether or not you all go to a restaurant? I doubt it. If I was a guest, I'd much rather go to a house party where I can laugh, mingle, nibble on small bites, and enjoy the company of my hosts and friends. And then later, I could steal the hostess' Xanax and pass out in her bathroom in my own vomit. Anyway, have a rip-roaring party at home, and enjoy yourself. Flirt with your husband all night and whisper dirty things in his ear, promising something delicious later. Have sex on your guests' coats or sneak off to some dark corner of the house. I'm guessing your husband would prefer that over dinner at the Palm.

This sounds good but now I'm getting performance anxiety. I have never hosted a party at our house. I don't think I even know how to ensure that it would be a great time. I've only ever done brunches, not a Saturday night party with 10 people. Would we play board games? Honestly, I have no idea what makes a good party atmosphere other than the food (I like your suggestions above).

[Anonymous]

This is 16:10. People don't care about your house (if they do, they are jerks). Make sure it's super clean, do finger foods so that it's not awkward that people don't have a place to sit, have lots of beer, and have fun!! Really, don't stress yourself out. I'm from the West Coast too and it can be stressful here when you rent a tiny place and have new great friends with a 2 million dollar house. But really you are in the process of making friends, if anyone is judging your house/apt, they aren't going to be long term friends. Buy plenty of cheap food, jazz it up, have lots of drinks, have fun, look gorgeous, and let go of all these worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP i think you need to skip doing a dinner out for your husband, with anyone other than the two of you. You can't invite people at all, evite or not, to his birthday dinner and expect them to pay for themselves. Even though you're unemployed, people are going to be surprised when you don't pay, and they'll talk about it, although probably not to your face.

Can you have people over for appetizers and drinks?

I could invite them for appetizers and drinks, but now I'm second guessing the whole idea of a party at our house. With the exception of one of the couples, none of them have been over to our house because they're all new friends. I'm worried about what they're going to think when they come over. Plus I have very little experience entertaining other than having brunches for one or two couples at a time at our house. I'm worried I will do a bad job of entertaining.

I really think it's your best option to do this. As long as there's enough food and enough drinks, people will be fine. They'll have a great time. Don't worry about your house. If it's small, remember it can be nicer to have people in a smaller space sometimes - it makes them talk more and makes the room feel more full. It will feel festive and celebrator. Just make sure your house is clean, and that you have enough alcohol and food. You don't have to be constantly refilling people's glasses. They'll take care of themselves as long as everything is there that they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what is the "norm" for your group when it comes to birthday dinners?

I don't have a group. DH and I moved here from the West Coast 3 years ago and just started really making some good friends in the last year through book clubs, volunteering, etc. So I don't have a group and while we have been invited to birthday dinners, they have always been potluck birthday dinners via e-vite where the hostess expects everyone to contribute an entree. I never saw anything wrong with that.

Do this! Its what your friends expect and are accustomed to doing. I see nothing wrong with this.

[Anonymous]

Are you a hoarder? Swinger? Have a stripped pole in your living room? Why are you anxious about your home now when you had planned to have everyone over for cake/drinks anyway. Just add in some munchies from Trader Joe's or Costco as suggested above and voila. Make sure the bathroom is clean and NO ONE will care, they'll be happy to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Oops, stripper not stripped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the logistics of dinner out and then party back at your house are odd anyway. I would be annoyed at having to drive/metro to dinner, then get back to your house. Why does the party have to be in 2 locations? I think you should just do a later evening cake/snack/drinks at your house and call it a day.

Are you going to get everything set for the party before dinner and then go back to the house and make guest stand around and wait while you scramble to open bottles of wine, heat food, cut the cake, etc?

It is clear by your initial plan that you must not entertain a lot and have not thought through the logistics.

You are absolutey right. We do not entertain much. When we do entertain it's always a homemade brunch for friends at our place, which has always been well received because I always make lots of food and make sure it is presented beautifully. I have no experience with any other kind of entertaining.

With the exception of one couple, we also haven't had these friends over to our house before. These are all newish friends, as DH and I are newer to the area. Maybe that would be too much--having them all over for the first time for a birthday celebration? That's why I was thinking the restaurant idea might be better. I am worried about what they will think when they come to our house.

I think a birthday brunch would be lovely, and inexpensive to put together as well.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So what would be a good time frame for the get together, if we do it at our house and make it appetizers and cake/desserts? I was thinking 8-midnight. Is that too long? I have no idea really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a hoarder? Swinger? Have a stripped pole in your living room? Why are you anxious about your home now when you had planned to have everyone over for cake/drinks anyway. Just add in some munchies from Trader Joe's or Costco as suggested above and voila. Make sure the bathroom is clean and NO ONE will care, they'll be happy to hang out.

Now this would make a fun party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a hoarder? Swinger? Have a stripped pole in your living room? Why are you anxious about your home now when you had planned to have everyone over for cake/drinks anyway. Just add in some munchies from Trader Joe's or Costco as suggested above and voila. Make sure the bathroom is clean and NO ONE will care, they'll be happy to hang out.

Because we have practically no furniture since we only just moved to this place 6 months ago. We sold most of our Ikea furniture when we moved and wanted to start from scratch buying new, nice furniture but it takes a lot of time to do that.

[Anonymous]

Just specify a start time 7:30 or 8 would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what would be a good time frame for the get together, if we do it at our house and make it appetizers and cake/desserts? I was thinking 8-midnight. Is that too long? I have no idea really.

Do you have kids? Most people with kids need to get home to their sitters before midnight. I'd start before 8 pm for sure.