Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you keep saying that you're worried what everyone will think when they come over to your house. And you were going to have them over for cake any way, so what's the difference? If they're really friends, they'll just be happy to be there celebrating with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP i think you need to skip doing a dinner out for your husband, with anyone other than the two of you. You can't invite people at all, evite or not, to his birthday dinner and expect them to pay for themselves. Even though you're unemployed, people are going to be surprised when you don't pay, and they'll talk about it, although probably not to your face.

Can you have people over for appetizers and drinks?

I could invite them for appetizers and drinks, but now I'm second guessing the whole idea of a party at our house. With the exception of one of the couples, none of them have been over to our house because they're all new friends. I'm worried about what they're going to think when they come over. Plus I have very little experience entertaining other than having brunches for one or two couples at a time at our house. I'm worried I will do a bad job of entertaining.

They are going to think that it was so nice of you to invite them. I have never been unhappy to be treated at someone else's house, whether it involved coffee and a bagel or a full-blown dinner.

Do a birthday brunch. Have bagels w/cream cheese, fruit, muffins, maybe quiches - all easy to make and inexpensive. If you want to splurge, make mimosas or champagne cocktails. Mix, mingle, enjoy. Then have some cake.

[Anonymous]

"This sounds good but now I'm getting performance anxiety. I have never hosted a party at our house. I don't think I even know how to ensure that it would be a great time. I've only ever done brunches, not a Saturday night party with 10 people. Would we play board games? Honestly, I have no idea what makes a good party atmosphere other than the food (I like your suggestions above)."

OP

You're not ready for this and you can't afford it. Skip the party this year.

[Anonymous]

OP - if potlucks are common with the people you are getting together with, then it won't come across as rude.

My friends are all pretty informal. We do potlucks all the time. I also go out to eat with groups of friends and for birthdays pretty often and never once have I had my meal paid for, we always chip in.

It really just matters what is seen as acceptable with the people who you are friends with. If I got your evite for a birthday dinner for your husband I would assume Dutch and if you asked to for a potluck, I would be glad to bring a dish. Our get togethers are really more about being together and celebrating and not about breaking rules of being a socialite. Knowing you are unemployed would make my circle of friends even more willing to pitch in rather than judge you for not putting out big bucks.

Go with what feels right. Many people on here are very rich and the rich entertain and interact and prioritize very differently than the non-rich. If the people you are entertaining are non-rich, you will be fine.

And a little party at your house is just as great as a dinner at a restaurant - you actually get to chat more with other people there.

[Anonymous]

give me a break. she's freaking out about hostessing a party. it doesn't mean she's "not ready"--she just needs some support and some cheap ideas.

OP, you can totally throw a fun party--furniture or not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a hoarder? Swinger? Have a stripped pole in your living room? Why are you anxious about your home now when you had planned to have everyone over for cake/drinks anyway. Just add in some munchies from Trader Joe's or Costco as suggested above and voila. Make sure the bathroom is clean and NO ONE will care, they'll be happy to hang out.

Because we have practically no furniture since we only just moved to this place 6 months ago. We sold most of our Ikea furniture when we moved and wanted to start from scratch buying new, nice furniture but it takes a lot of time to do that.

Perfect. More room to mingle. Or even dance. Plus, you don't have to move furniture once the wife swapping begins.

OP, my husband, toddler, and I live in a one bedroom apartment in the District. We entertain and don't care what people think. We only hang out with people who are cool and like us. You need to have a Honey Badger attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what would be a good time frame for the get together, if we do it at our house and make it appetizers and cake/desserts? I was thinking 8-midnight. Is that too long? I have no idea really.

Make it a "desserts only" event. 8-10pm. Serve a variety of desserts only. Cake, cupcakes, brownies, ice cream, pie, toppings. Play on the age, example: '40' theme - a chart of 40 ways to sample each dessert or 40 ways to top your ice cream sundae.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"This sounds good but now I'm getting performance anxiety. I have never hosted a party at our house. I don't think I even know how to ensure that it would be a great time. I've only ever done brunches, not a Saturday night party with 10 people. Would we play board games? Honestly, I have no idea what makes a good party atmosphere other than the food (I like your suggestions above)."

OP

You're not ready for this and you can't afford it. Skip the party this year.[/quote]

That was really not nice and really not necessary. OP, get catchphrase if your group likes to play games. It's a really fun group game, especially when drinking. Make sure there's plenty of food and alcohol and you're all set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what would be a good time frame for the get together, if we do it at our house and make it appetizers and cake/desserts? I was thinking 8-midnight. Is that too long? I have no idea really.

Make it a "desserts only" event. 8-10pm. Serve a variety of desserts only. Cake, cupcakes, brownies, ice cream, pie, toppings. Play on the age, example: '40' theme - a chart of 40 ways to sample each dessert or 40 ways to top your ice cream sundae.

This would bore the shit out of me. A party needs alcohol. I don't want to go to a cookie party.

[Anonymous]

We do lots of appetizer/drinks/desserts get togethers with friends. Usually the hostess makes a few things and other people bring food as well. Since your group already does potlucks this seems simple enough. Have cake and champagne or punch or coffee for dessert.

[Anonymous]

16:50 here. Call it a "desserts dinner".

[Anonymous]

I once received an invite like this, OP but this is how it played out.

The invite stated: you are invited to celebrate bla's birthday at xxx restaurant, date and time, RSVP.

Replied that I'd be there and showed up enjoyed dinner. Then I was shocked when the hostess went around to collect everyone's share of the cost. I was lucky to have enough cash with me or it would have been very embarassing. I thought it was rude and tacky to invite and not pay herself and rude to not tell us before we agreed to attend that guests would pay for themselves. Someone might be happy to help you celebrate but would rather not if they have to pay for it. they should have the choice.

[Anonymous]

"Because we have practically no furniture since we only just moved to this place 6 months ago. We sold most of our Ikea furniture when we moved and wanted to start from scratch buying new, nice furniture but it takes a lot of time to do that."

OP
That rings a bell! Are you the one who wrote about how much time you spend researching furniture purchases and home inprovement stuff, etc.? And your DH works a lot of hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Because we have practically no furniture since we only just moved to this place 6 months ago. We sold most of our Ikea furniture when we moved and wanted to start from scratch buying new, nice furniture but it takes a lot of time to do that."

OP
That rings a bell! Are you the one who wrote about how much time you spend researching furniture purchases and home inprovement stuff, etc.? And your DH works a lot of hours?

Yes, that sounds like me. And yes, he works lots of hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I could invite them for appetizers and drinks, but now I'm second guessing the whole idea of a party at our house. With the exception of one of the couples, none of them have been over to our house because they're all new friends. I'm worried about what they're going to think when they come over. Plus I have very little experience entertaining other than having brunches for one or two couples at a time at our house. I'm worried I will do a bad job of entertaining.

A party is the perfect excuse to get your new friends into your house! And if they don't like how you entertain, they're not people you'd want to keep as friends.