Just found out about my husband's second affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get out NOW! Life is short. Do not waste another moment on this loser, who is also dangerous! Scary!

Seriously, if he's gotten physical and put you in a headlock "provoked" by your desire to leave or seek counseling (can't recall...), and you know he has a temper and control issues... you need to plan to leave one day while he's at work. Take your stuff and go somewhere safe. Why risk more violence like this poor woman and countless others when they finally left a hot-tempered man?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/estranged-husband-arrested-in-germantown-womans-murder-11-year-old-still-missing/2011/10/13/gIQAtxYbiL_story.html

[Anonymous]

me too second affair. Too mention I seperated no help two years with two kids. Get out now if he has temper problems kid in picture will make him cheat, lie, and be more aggresive. Being a single mom SUCKS.....GET OUT NOW. So here is what I'm doing he cheated immediatly after I forgave 3 weeks into reconcilliation cheating full fledge love you's sex ect. I played it cool. Other than when I can't sleep I took a pillow to him and wwf pillow wake up call. Anyhow, I told him I need time. I moved from AZ to TX left my job, home sold my rv left my belongings. With two kids to end our separation of almost 3 yrs from his previous affair. He begged, pleaded his love, promised, promised and promised. My kids begged, everyone thought I should come back. So I forgave 100% and put my and my kids well being in his hands. HUGE MISTAKE. shoulda followed my gut. Anyhow here I am away from family, friends, his terf, no job, place in his name, kids new to school and putting all the risk in for my family unit. For him to threaten to kick us out when I caught him and said anything at all. So HERE IS THE ADVISE. I love my husband been 10 yrs. My supposed best friend. NOT..... Anyone who loves you and knows they are hurting you and continues to do so, they don't love you, FIRST, it is a POWER TRIP, CONTROL ANGLE and a game nothing more.
HERE IS an option if you are dependant. Tell him you are hurt, need time to regain self esteem. Take that time to stay busy on you. SO BUSY THAT YOU BEARLY SEE HIM AT ALL. LLegit excuse to not get manipulated. make him pay bills and take care of everything, while you get a GOOD ENOUGH JOB to pay real bills, save money, find a place, set it up, set yourself up with self esteem, friends, financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically oh and LEGALLY. WITHOUT HIM KNOWING THAT IS YOUR INTENT. If your busy time will fly and before you know it youll be independant. If you do not want a divorce seperate to with a clear mind and confidence make the big "D" choice. PLEASE always keep your independance...................... You will fall in love with you and you can make yourself happy...OH FYI... he sounds tempermental if he gets angery I wouldn't let him know what your plan is AT ALL, still be nice just tell him your tired, or been busy whatever it takes. Plus don't let him know where you get your place, when your moving, or anything about your new activities that he can use to find, get revenge or use in divorce, leave a letter, but get yourself set up if you can handle a month or two of avoiding him to do so. It sounds as if you should even consider a restraining order. (you can get at court house) I am sure you don't think he could get that bad, but divorce, seperation and jealousy make some men very very dangerous, and it is never expected. BE CAREFUL. LEAVE, he sounds abusive, and it could easily get so much worse. ASK YOURSELF who do you love more him or yourself?

[Anonymous]

Violence=deal breaker. GET OUT. Please. This is serious. Dont stay with a man who puts you in a headlock. This is ABUSE. You are being abused --not just cheated on. I am sorry you are going through this and I know finances are hard but you can do it. Please do it for yourself. You know you cant stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:me too second affair. Too mention I seperated no help two years with two kids. Get out now if he has temper problems kid in picture will make him cheat, lie, and be more aggresive. Being a single mom SUCKS.....GET OUT NOW. So here is what I'm doing he cheated immediatly after I forgave 3 weeks into reconcilliation cheating full fledge love you's sex ect. I played it cool. Other than when I can't sleep I took a pillow to him and wwf pillow wake up call. Anyhow, I told him I need time. I moved from AZ to TX left my job, home sold my rv left my belongings. With two kids to end our separation of almost 3 yrs from his previous affair. He begged, pleaded his love, promised, promised and promised. My kids begged, everyone thought I should come back. So I forgave 100% and put my and my kids well being in his hands. HUGE MISTAKE. shoulda followed my gut. Anyhow here I am away from family, friends, his terf, no job, place in his name, kids new to school and putting all the risk in for my family unit. For him to threaten to kick us out when I caught him and said anything at all. So HERE IS THE ADVISE. I love my husband been 10 yrs. My supposed best friend. NOT..... Anyone who loves you and knows they are hurting you and continues to do so, they don't love you, FIRST, it is a POWER TRIP, CONTROL ANGLE and a game nothing more.
HERE IS an option if you are dependant. Tell him you are hurt, need time to regain self esteem. Take that time to stay busy on you. SO BUSY THAT YOU BEARLY SEE HIM AT ALL. LLegit excuse to not get manipulated. make him pay bills and take care of everything, while you get a GOOD ENOUGH JOB to pay real bills, save money, find a place, set it up, set yourself up with self esteem, friends, financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically oh and LEGALLY. WITHOUT HIM KNOWING THAT IS YOUR INTENT. If your busy time will fly and before you know it youll be independant. If you do not want a divorce seperate to with a clear mind and confidence make the big "D" choice. PLEASE always keep your independance...................... You will fall in love with you and you can make yourself happy...OH FYI... he sounds tempermental if he gets angery I wouldn't let him know what your plan is AT ALL, still be nice just tell him your tired, or been busy whatever it takes. Plus don't let him know where you get your place, when your moving, or anything about your new activities that he can use to find, get revenge or use in divorce, leave a letter, but get yourself set up if you can handle a month or two of avoiding him to do so. It sounds as if you should even consider a restraining order. (you can get at court house) I am sure you don't think he could get that bad, but divorce, seperation and jealousy make some men very very dangerous, and it is never expected. BE CAREFUL. LEAVE, he sounds abusive, and it could easily get so much worse. ASK YOURSELF who do you love more him or yourself?

um..what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:me too second affair. Too mention I seperated no help two years with two kids. Get out now if he has temper problems kid in picture will make him cheat, lie, and be more aggresive. Being a single mom SUCKS.....GET OUT NOW. So here is what I'm doing he cheated immediatly after I forgave 3 weeks into reconcilliation cheating full fledge love you's sex ect. I played it cool. Other than when I can't sleep I took a pillow to him and wwf pillow wake up call. Anyhow, I told him I need time. I moved from AZ to TX left my job, home sold my rv left my belongings. With two kids to end our separation of almost 3 yrs from his previous affair. He begged, pleaded his love, promised, promised and promised. My kids begged, everyone thought I should come back. So I forgave 100% and put my and my kids well being in his hands. HUGE MISTAKE. shoulda followed my gut. Anyhow here I am away from family, friends, his terf, no job, place in his name, kids new to school and putting all the risk in for my family unit. For him to threaten to kick us out when I caught him and said anything at all. So HERE IS THE ADVISE. I love my husband been 10 yrs. My supposed best friend. NOT..... Anyone who loves you and knows they are hurting you and continues to do so, they don't love you, FIRST, it is a POWER TRIP, CONTROL ANGLE and a game nothing more.
HERE IS an option if you are dependant. Tell him you are hurt, need time to regain self esteem. Take that time to stay busy on you. SO BUSY THAT YOU BEARLY SEE HIM AT ALL. LLegit excuse to not get manipulated. make him pay bills and take care of everything, while you get a GOOD ENOUGH JOB to pay real bills, save money, find a place, set it up, set yourself up with self esteem, friends, financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically oh and LEGALLY. WITHOUT HIM KNOWING THAT IS YOUR INTENT. If your busy time will fly and before you know it youll be independant. If you do not want a divorce seperate to with a clear mind and confidence make the big "D" choice. PLEASE always keep your independance...................... You will fall in love with you and you can make yourself happy...OH FYI... he sounds tempermental if he gets angery I wouldn't let him know what your plan is AT ALL, still be nice just tell him your tired, or been busy whatever it takes. Plus don't let him know where you get your place, when your moving, or anything about your new activities that he can use to find, get revenge or use in divorce, leave a letter, but get yourself set up if you can handle a month or two of avoiding him to do so. It sounds as if you should even consider a restraining order. (you can get at court house) I am sure you don't think he could get that bad, but divorce, seperation and jealousy make some men very very dangerous, and it is never expected. BE CAREFUL. LEAVE, he sounds abusive, and it could easily get so much worse. ASK YOURSELF who do you love more him or yourself?

um..what?

Since you seem confused: she took the time to try to write and help someone. And you, DCUM sister, took the time to try to make her feel stupid. Understand now?

[Anonymous]

20:17 - NP here. Thank you. I can not stand those who play dumb. It is so obvious, predictable, and well, D.C. NOT a compliment!

[Anonymous]

OP - how are you doing? Just checking in to see if you moved out okay, if you have left him? Abuse is a cycle and even if you are in a good phase now, just want to make sure you are making steps to safety.... are you okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Don't be influenced by all these losers who want your marriage to fail -- if you think you can mend this, then by all means go ahead and do so. Don't listen to the drumbeat of the unhappy. Marriage is for better of worse!

OP already survived her first failed marriage, she survive this one, too.

[Anonymous]

you will stay or you will go.
Take the ball out of his court he does not know how to play by the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - how are you doing? Just checking in to see if you moved out okay, if you have left him? Abuse is a cycle and even if you are in a good phase now, just want to make sure you are making steps to safety.... are you okay?

I'm ok. I haven't left yet. I haven't found an affordable apt in an area that I feel safe in.
Some days are good, some days he's screaming at me. I got myself into this, I'll make a way to get myself out.

Thank you for thinking of me.

[Anonymous]

I am going through the same thing. I left for two years with first affair.
Little did I know he kept his gf from seperation continued having sex
I love yous and all for 2 months. Found out the day I enrolled my
kids in new school 5 days after I moved in. Uhhhhhhhg. Im being selfish
On purpose taking him paying bills and he gets to do all housework.
so I can work on me get good job. Work out. Meditate. And
Hobbies until I feel confident in myself to make a good choice.
Not even going to work on him or us just me. If he can be so
Inconsiderate, selfish and disrespectful I don't care why I just
Don't care. If he wont care and take care of my heart and
Emotions than I must now put me first. Then when its decision time ill
Be strong either way. Yeah mine is pretending to care now but its a
power trip. Egotistical game to him he must play due to insecurity
Hey whatever the excuse my life. My happyness. Is up to me.
He can be an additional happy or a hinder. I just found out a few weeks ago.
so when I get mad I tell him either I can rip his head off or
Go for a work out. Lol way to get in shape. Well whatever you do take care of
Number one and that is you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm not very good at this blog stuff. Sorry my posts are so long.
Anyhow I just know how frustrated you must be. To summarize get your self together in every way. Before
You decide on a "d" but separation is easier to make
Better progress on self improvement and decision
Making. Separation is not so final just a break to figure
It out. OK that's way more simple. Good luck and God bless
all of us. I truly believe our happyness is up to us. We can't control anything but our choices including who we allow
in our life for a positive or negative effect on your life, and
How you handle it. If you leave him before you make any choice figure out what appealed to you abot him so at the best Use this very hurtful experience to better your future choices. We all just want to be at peace but like any job
We have to work hard to get to the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the advice everyone.
To answer a few questions, yes he does yell at me sometimes. He has a temper when things don't go his way. I feel like I'm constantly making excuses for him. We have no children, prior to this we were ttc. I asked him to leave he refuses to. He's not worried about me taking him to the cleaners, he's broke. I hope I'm strong enough to leave. I don't have any family here, and I don't have much savings.

I'm so sad. He had to just fuck everything up.

OP, run as fast as you can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As soon as our lease is up, I'm gone. He once got angry when I mentioned getting counseling and put me in a head lock, I tried to get away and he began choking me. He's crazy. Afterwards he begged me to forgive him.

I think I'm finally fed up, because I've never felt so cold towards him before. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. I'm young, and I believe I have a lot going for myself. I'll be just fine.

Don't wait for your lease to be up. You might get comfortable again by then. Call a friend to crash on her couch or get an apt. with a roommate for awhile. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[Anonymous]

We can't give you advice. We are not you.
You have but one question to answer: will you stay or will you go?
Rest assured NO adult will judge you harshly for staying Nor leaving.