Just found out about my husband's second affair
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Anonymous
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I don't know what to do, I still love him.
I feel weak for wanting my marriage to work. This is the second affair I've found out about in 6 yrs. Any advice would be appreciated. |
Anonymous
Oh honey, I'm sorry to say... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". It's time to go 
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Anonymous
| I have to agree with PP. No matter how much you love him you cannot trust him. I've had friends in your situation and it just never worked because the trust factor was gone. For the rest of your life you'll be overanylizing and looking over your shoulder. This man does not deserve your love. You deserve more and so do your children. |
Anonymous
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Ii am really sorry OP but I have to agree with the others. Once is hard enough (I did it), but twice?
How did respond the first time around. Remorse? Did he promise not to do it again? How is the marriage otherwise? I am not saying that you should divorce bc I do not know your circumstances, but I am not sure I would want to "save" a marriage with a serial cheater. |
Anonymous
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The first time he seemed upset, but not remorseful.
This time he seems remorseful, and depressed. He's dropping weight, and doesn't eat. Other than that we usually get along great. I thought we had a great sex life. We have sex 5-6 times a week. |
Anonymous
Ok, then why did he do it. Have you asked him. Also you used an "affair", are we talking about a one time thing or a woman that he sees on a regular basis. |
Anonymous
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The first time he had an emotional affair and sex with the woman twice.
This second time it was a friend, they had sex once. |
Anonymous
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Go to counseling, it sounds like you still love him, try to work through the issues. I disagree with PP's that this is black/white and that you should leave him. You need him to be psychologically evaluated and see what is going on. Make an informed decision. Have you read Harvel Hendrix's "Finding the Love to Keep" (or maybe it is "Keeping the Love you Find"). In any event... according to that book people repeat dating/marrying people with the same patterns subconsciously.... I think you want to work through his issues, and also see a therapist for yourself, so that if it doesn't work out in this marriage you have an action plan for yourself and "next steps" from the therapist...
But I vote for not immediately assuming this isn't going to work. Def check counseling/therapy... |
Anonymous
| Also - this is PP here - in addition to counseling, does your husband have any addiction issues? It sounds at the least that he has an impulse control issue - that he is hooking up with his friends "once" or "twice" (of course that is just what he is telling you, who knows what it really is....) But are alcohol or drugs a factor in this behavior? Just worth checking into... |
Anonymous
| Is the affair private or public knowledge? |
Anonymous
| It's private. But our families know. I think he has a sexual addiction. |
Anonymous
| Did he tell you or did you find out? There is a huge difference. Also, make an appt with your gyno. Be very honest that you think your husband may have a sex addiction. It's a disease, like gambling or alcohol addictions- but it can hurt your physicallly too- not just mentally. Get check out. Soon. |
Anonymous
| Her husband told me. |
Anonymous
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Look at Jesse James. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Only you can decide for yourself if you're worth it and you deserve better. You only have one life OP, make a smart decision and leave him while you still have time to find someone who will love and respect you. Signed- A woman who finally decided she was worth it ans left after he cheated the second time. |
Anonymous
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Please don't start creating the excuse of sex addiction. Real sex addiction is absolute havoc, not sleeping with a friend once or twice. It's relentless and obsessive----hence the addiction diagnosis. |