Raising a biracial DD

[Anonymous]

Old Yeller, you mighta killed it done quick.

Love you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old Yeller, you mighta killed it done quick.

Love you

I reckon so Mamma

oh wait; I yellow so...

I leckon so Mamma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old Yeller, you mighta killed it done quick.

Love you

I reckon so Mamma

oh wait; I yellow so...

I leckon so Mamma

Not nice. Come on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old Yeller, you mighta killed it done quick.

Love you

I reckon so Mamma

oh wait; I yellow so...

I leckon so Mamma

Not nice. Come on!

then dont respond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, just like it is "outrageous and insulting" when black people use the n-word with each other. Wait, should I have said African American? Should I have capitalized the word "black"?

I think I will go back to having a sense of humor about these things.

To your first point, are you Asian? So you calling an Asian person yellow isn't the same thing, is it?

Here's my point - why even joke about the stereotype? Why not teach your children that you, their parents, will not label them even though the rest of the world will? There are plenty of things to have a sense of humor about, but thrusting an idiotic, antiquated epithet on a child isn't one of them.

I think "yellow" is stupid. So are black, white, red. Nobody looks like that unless in a cartoon. But it is worth observing that these words are a PC landmine. For example, it is ok to call someone "black", but not ok to call someone "yellow". Both are pretty similar adjectives (neither accurate). I think "oriental" or east asian is the best, if you don't want to say Korean-American, Japanese-American, Chinese-American, etc.

Are you Asian too? I am and if you call me Oriental, I will be highly annoyed. Asian is sufficient.

NP here. I'm surprised anyone would say "Oriental". I only hear that now from the 60yo and up crowd! I learned 20 years ago from friends in high school, that the right term was Asian, not Oriental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old Yeller, you mighta killed it done quick.

Love you

I reckon so Mamma

oh wait; I yellow so...

I leckon so Mamma

Not nice. Come on!

then dont respond

I will absolutely call out someone ridiculing the way Asians speak. It's uncalled for and unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, just like it is "outrageous and insulting" when black people use the n-word with each other. Wait, should I have said African American? Should I have capitalized the word "black"?

I think I will go back to having a sense of humor about these things.

To your first point, are you Asian? So you calling an Asian person yellow isn't the same thing, is it?

Here's my point - why even joke about the stereotype? Why not teach your children that you, their parents, will not label them even though the rest of the world will? There are plenty of things to have a sense of humor about, but thrusting an idiotic, antiquated epithet on a child isn't one of them.

I think "yellow" is stupid. So are black, white, red. Nobody looks like that unless in a cartoon. But it is worth observing that these words are a PC landmine. For example, it is ok to call someone "black", but not ok to call someone "yellow". Both are pretty similar adjectives (neither accurate). I think "oriental" or east asian is the best, if you don't want to say Korean-American, Japanese-American, Chinese-American, etc.

Are you Asian too? I am and if you call me Oriental, I will be highly annoyed. Asian is sufficient.

NP here. I'm surprised anyone would say "Oriental". I only hear that now from the 60yo and up crowd! I learned 20 years ago from friends in high school, that the right term was Asian, not Oriental.

what does the "right term" mean? right to you? Asia is a huge continent for billions and billions of people of all ethnic groups and nationalities. Oriental seems more accurate to me when talking about someone from the far east.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, just like it is "outrageous and insulting" when black people use the n-word with each other. Wait, should I have said African American? Should I have capitalized the word "black"?

I think I will go back to having a sense of humor about these things.

To your first point, are you Asian? So you calling an Asian person yellow isn't the same thing, is it?

Here's my point - why even joke about the stereotype? Why not teach your children that you, their parents, will not label them even though the rest of the world will? There are plenty of things to have a sense of humor about, but thrusting an idiotic, antiquated epithet on a child isn't one of them.

I think "yellow" is stupid. So are black, white, red. Nobody looks like that unless in a cartoon. But it is worth observing that these words are a PC landmine. For example, it is ok to call someone "black", but not ok to call someone "yellow". Both are pretty similar adjectives (neither accurate). I think "oriental" or east asian is the best, if you don't want to say Korean-American, Japanese-American, Chinese-American, etc.

Are you Asian too? I am and if you call me Oriental, I will be highly annoyed. Asian is sufficient.

NP here. I'm surprised anyone would say "Oriental". I only hear that now from the 60yo and up crowd! I learned 20 years ago from friends in high school, that the right term was Asian, not Oriental.

what does the "right term" mean? right to you? Asia is a huge continent for billions and billions of people of all ethnic groups and nationalities. Oriental seems more accurate to me when talking about someone from the far east.

Asians gernally get pissed if you call them oriental. oriental is used for furniture and rugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AA mom here. I don't want to jump on you and make you feel worse. But you do need to resolve this before it impacts your child. Did you regularly date outside your race, of is your partner the first? I don't want to make assumptions, but from your post it sounds as if your partner is black, and you are not. When you were a child, teen, young adult and pictured yourself having a daughter (as many women do), did you picture your daughter being your race? That would be a normal thing to do, and that image is hard to overcome when faced with a different reality, no matter how much you love your partner. Being in an interracial relationship is a very different thing from giving birth to and parenting a child who is at least in part, another race. You look at your child and expect a reflection of yourself., and you don't see it. It doesn't match the mother/daughter picture that has been imprinted on your brain.
As for her hair, my advice is always not to fight the hair. Get good products, keep it healthy, and let it do what it is going to do naturally. Curls are beautiful. Little girls don't need a million braids and beads. Keep it simple.

OP here--yes, a lot of your insights are very accurate. I actually dated many people of different races prior to marrying my DH. I generally feel and felt comfortable with interracial relationships. But you are so right that dating someone of a different race is very different from parenting a child who is also partially of another race. My other source of discomfort is that in general I find DC to be so racially segregated. I always had very close friends from different nationalities, religions, backgrounds. Here, everything is so socially stratified. When we go to social gatherings of my husband's friends, literally everyone will be black. And, when I attend parties held by my co-workers or family friends, we will be the only family of color there. The self imposed segregation just seems so strange to me.

I have found that when I'm in a group and I'm the only one that is different (the one woman among men, or the one non-Asian among Asian friends) is to focus on what it is we have in common, not how I'm different. This makes me feel more part of the group.

[Anonymous]

PP, people say Asian, and specify South Asian, East Asian, etc etc. Not South Oriental, East Oriental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, just like it is "outrageous and insulting" when black people use the n-word with each other. Wait, should I have said African American? Should I have capitalized the word "black"?

I think I will go back to having a sense of humor about these things.

To your first point, are you Asian? So you calling an Asian person yellow isn't the same thing, is it?

Here's my point - why even joke about the stereotype? Why not teach your children that you, their parents, will not label them even though the rest of the world will? There are plenty of things to have a sense of humor about, but thrusting an idiotic, antiquated epithet on a child isn't one of them.

I think "yellow" is stupid. So are black, white, red. Nobody looks like that unless in a cartoon. But it is worth observing that these words are a PC landmine. For example, it is ok to call someone "black", but not ok to call someone "yellow". Both are pretty similar adjectives (neither accurate). I think "oriental" or east asian is the best, if you don't want to say Korean-American, Japanese-American, Chinese-American, etc.

Are you Asian too? I am and if you call me Oriental, I will be highly annoyed. Asian is sufficient.

NP here. I'm surprised anyone would say "Oriental". I only hear that now from the 60yo and up crowd! I learned 20 years ago from friends in high school, that the right term was Asian, not Oriental.

what does the "right term" mean? right to you? Asia is a huge continent for billions and billions of people of all ethnic groups and nationalities. Oriental seems more accurate to me when talking about someone from the far east.

so what do you call "white people" Caucasian refers to some one from the Causcus

[Anonymous]

I'll probably regret wading into this one, but.... the term "Oriental" is perfectly appropriate when describing objects (e.g., look at the beautiful new oriental rug we got). However, the proper word to describe people is "Asian."

It is considered impolite to describe people (Asian) using a term that is assigned to objects (Oriental) because of what that association connotes. In the old days people would refer to "The Orient" as a geographical region and the term "Oriental" was strongly associated with a place. (FWIW that region is now referred to as Asia on most modern maps.) As the word "Oriental" became more strongly associated with things/stuff/rugs/vases it gained qualities that make it rude to apply to people (who typically don't care to be thought of as objects). If you want to insist you mean the word "Oriental" *only* as a geographic marker then don't be surprised when it offends people who have a more complex understanding of the term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old Yeller, you mighta killed it done quick.

Love you

I reckon so Mamma

oh wait; I yellow so...

I leckon so Mamma

Not nice. Come on!

then dont respond

I will absolutely call out someone ridiculing the way Asians speak. It's uncalled for and unkind.

Why is everyone so self righteous. Everyone ridicules others. I mean what do most people think about the south? Banjos, Uncle Daddy and Aunt Ja-Mamma.

[Anonymous]

i agree with 11:18, and not with you, PP. I'm not "everyone," and don't ridicule people. In any case, maturity/respect is not saying things even if you may think them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I will absolutely call out someone ridiculing the way Asians speak. It's uncalled for and unkind.

Um... he IS Asian. Native Cantonese speaker. 1st generation child of immigrant parents.

We both make fun of the way our parents speak. English and otherwise (my parents eat "squarsh" and "warsh" their clothes). We make fun of the way WE speak (you say toe-mae-toe, I say toe-mah-toe).

Maybe not everyone makes fun of other people, but really? Don't take yourself so seriously.