Raising a biracial DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, just like it is "outrageous and insulting" when black people use the n-word with each other. Wait, should I have said African American? Should I have capitalized the word "black"?

I think I will go back to having a sense of humor about these things.

To your first point, are you Asian? So you calling an Asian person yellow isn't the same thing, is it?

Here's my point - why even joke about the stereotype? Why not teach your children that you, their parents, will not label them even though the rest of the world will? There are plenty of things to have a sense of humor about, but thrusting an idiotic, antiquated epithet on a child isn't one of them.

I think "yellow" is stupid. So are black, white, red. Nobody looks like that unless in a cartoon. But it is worth observing that these words are a PC landmine. For example, it is ok to call someone "black", but not ok to call someone "yellow". Both are pretty similar adjectives (neither accurate). I think "oriental" or east asian is the best, if you don't want to say Korean-American, Japanese-American, Chinese-American, etc.

Sorry, "oriental" is an historically offensive term and yes, I'm Asian and mother of a biracial child. Not the OP, but she also says she's Asian. We can call ourselves whatever we want...

I don't mind the term "wyellow" - not a big deal about the same as the Hawaiian term "heppa" which was also discussed here not too long ago.

I find DC to be very multicultural. Lots of interracial couples and children. More than NYC where we lived previously. Go to Meridian Park in Adams Morgan on a Sunday for the drum ring - you'll see every combo imaginable.

[Anonymous]

I'm a whitey married to a whitey. Our first sonn looks exactly like his dad. Which is good - because his dad is handsome But it is sometimes sad - almost like there's no "proof" I had him. I don't think he got anything from me - including his personality.
Our second son looks a little more like me, and definitely has my temper and my clumsiness (neither a good thing - lol). But that doesn't mean I love him more than our first son. I love them the same, altough I do smile when I see things in him that are from me.
When I (or another peron) make a comment that a child looks more like the father (or mother) don't take it as an insult. It's an observation - and I personally like looking at features and figuring out what they got from who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, just like it is "outrageous and insulting" when black people use the n-word with each other. Wait, should I have said African American? Should I have capitalized the word "black"?

I think I will go back to having a sense of humor about these things.

What exactly are you ranting about here? I'm not the PP you were responding to, but yes, I do think it's pretty insulting when people of African descent refer to themselves and one another as the n-word.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have very dark features (he's bi-racial, I'm Mediterranean), yet our DC was born with fair skin and blonde hair.

We sometimes get a lot of strange looks, but DC actually looks quite a bit like both of us.

[Anonymous]

orient means east. so oriental is someone from the far east. more descriptive than asian, as that can mean middle-eastern, indian, etc.

[Anonymous]

The term Oriental is considered perjorative in the U.S.

[Anonymous]

I'm of Asian decent and find the term 'oriental' offensive: Google 'oriental connotation'.

[Anonymous]

My husband (the one who refers to himself as "yellow") says "Oriental" is for furniture & rugs. He would likely be offended by someone calling him that, although, again, he will joke about being "Oliental."

I am curious for those who think our usage of "whellow" for our son is offensive, idiotic, and whatever other terms you used - what would you suggest? How would you describe our son's ethnicity? (Again, Han Chinese, Choctaw, English, German, possibly Scottish, possibly Russian.)

[Anonymous]

Let's see, if I had to describe it I would try to find a term that wasn't derogatory. Not that hard to understand.

And by the way, by your logic you aren't really supposed to be calling your son yellow. Just Swedish pea or whatever it was (which, by the way, is quite cute - and infinitely more appropriate).

[Anonymous]

But we don't view it as derogatory, which I guess is hard for you to understand. I know that someone else using it may view it that way, but we do not. As I said, lots of people claim derogatory terms and make them their own.

[Anonymous]

but why do you find it offensive? no reason for it. it is not an insult.

[Anonymous]

To compare, how about Tiger Woods? He calls himself Cablinasian, right? Well, I suppose being the white half of the whellow, I am also Caucasian (from my American mutt heritage of Choctaw, English, German, possibly Scottish, possibly Russian).

I really don't like that word, Caucasian, and I wouldn't generally use it for myself. I don't think it is quite derogatory, but it just doesn't seem right to me.

I've had people tell me "You MUST be Irish!" because of my last name, my hair color, and my skin color, but in fact I am not at all as far as I know.

When pressed for MY ethnicity, I tend to say exactly what I used above, "American mutt." As far I know, "mutt" also has derogatory associations. Yet, I don't apply that term to myself in a negative manner, I simply feel it's an accurate reflection of a mixed ancestry.

[Anonymous]

I like the PP's humorous take on derogatory words. You have to have humor, otherwise those words will maintain their power.

My non-white husband calls me a cracker all the time. ("Oh, is that what the crackers do? I never knew that!")

By "respecting" the taboo, you actually reinforce the taboo. Know your limits, sure, but please, mock the history of fear and hatred that led to the taboo. That's how you diffuse the history in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband (the one who refers to himself as "yellow") says "Oriental" is for furniture & rugs. He would likely be offended by someone calling him that, although, again, he will joke about being "Oliental."

I am curious for those who think our usage of "whellow" for our son is offensive, idiotic, and whatever other terms you used - what would you suggest? How would you describe our son's ethnicity? (Again, Han Chinese, Choctaw, English, German, possibly Scottish, possibly Russian.)

Some of DH's friends have referred to me as "Hasian" (half asian) and DC's as "quasian" (quarter asian) don't know what to think of that. . .

[Anonymous]

Mom of a biracial girl here (I'm white, dad is South Asian). She has light skin, but otherwise often looks exactly like my husband's twin! So usually people say she looks like him, which suggests they are looking beyond the skin color. OP, try not to focus so much on the physical. Or, if you do, keep an eye out for mannerisms, posture, gestures, facial expressions, and so on that may come from you rather than the father.