Mother's Day will never be mine...

[Anonymous]

I bet the OP is a 40+ waited-too-long-to-have-a-baby type A personality who thinks the entire freaking world should revolve around her and her baby. She is probably thinking that the way she treats her MIL won't matter, since she will be 80 by the time she becomes one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet the OP is a 40+ waited-too-long-to-have-a-baby type A personality who thinks the entire freaking world should revolve around her and her baby. She is probably thinking that the way she treats her MIL won't matter, since she will be 80 by the time she becomes one.

OP here. The PP couldn't be farther from the truth. I'd simply like someone to acknowledge that a small sliver of all of this hooplah for my MIL should actually apply to me as well. I don't like hooplah and if I were planning a mother's day celebration for myself, it wouldn't be a big deal. It's the fact that neither MIL or DH are putting the pieces together and there's another mother involved now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father was batshit crazy but he was right about one thing - Mother's Day is about doing something special for *your* mother not the mother of your children.

No, he was wrong about that thing too.

So 100% batshit crazy.

Mother's Day is about mothers. All mothers, and especially mothers who are actively mothering.

[Anonymous]

OP -- your husband sounds like a big mama's boy to me...afraid to stand up to her. Does she control your family with her money or some other way? Are they an "ethnic family"...Jewish, Italian or Greek? My dad was Jewish and he was the biggest mama's boy ever. He treated my mom like boo boo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- your husband sounds like a big mama's boy to me...afraid to stand up to her. Does she control your family with her money or some other way? Are they an "ethnic family"...Jewish, Italian or Greek? My dad was Jewish and he was the biggest mama's boy ever. He treated my mom like boo boo

To answer PP's questions: DH is not a Mama's boy, but he does not stand up to her. She controls with never ending guilt and money. They are Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Oh -- that's what I guessed OP. Sounds like my dad.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Just forget it. Jews, Italians (me) - all the same thing with boys and their mothers

Whether he's controlled or a mama's boy, it's the same. They're spineless, and until MIL dies, you're going to play second fiddle. (And you still may not get the respect you deserve even after she ends up in the casket.) So start your own tradition. Hang out with friends. Do brunch. Go for drinks. Go shopping.

Controlling mothers are the worst thing to happen to men.

Did you see the signs before you got married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- your husband sounds like a big mama's boy to me...afraid to stand up to her. Does she control your family with her money or some other way? Are they an "ethnic family"...Jewish, Italian or Greek? My dad was Jewish and he was the biggest mama's boy ever. He treated my mom like boo boo

To answer PP's questions: DH is not a Mama's boy, but he does not stand up to her. She controls with never ending guilt and money. They are Jewish.

[cuzimawesome]

Who takes mother's day so seriously? It's one day. You're a mom all year... what does your family do for you the rest of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- your husband sounds like a big mama's boy to me...afraid to stand up to her. Does she control your family with her money or some other way? Are they an "ethnic family"...Jewish, Italian or Greek? My dad was Jewish and he was the biggest mama's boy ever. He treated my mom like boo boo

To answer PP's questions: DH is not a Mama's boy, but he does not stand up to her. She controls with never ending guilt and money. They are Jewish.

Oh, well that explains it all.

I agree with PP - do your own thing, ignore her as best you can. It's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Just forget it. Jews, Italians (me) - all the same thing with boys and their mothers

Whether he's controlled or a mama's boy, it's the same. They're spineless, and until MIL dies, you're going to play second fiddle. (And you still may not get the respect you deserve even after she ends up in the casket.) So start your own tradition. Hang out with friends. Do brunch. Go for drinks. Go shopping.

Controlling mothers are the worst thing to happen to men.

Did you see the signs before you got married?

That is my case as well. Also, I am Latina and usually over there mothers are this way with their boys too... I was lucky I was an only daughter. My husband is the only child of a bitch Italian mother. But as I said before, now I just completely ignore her existence... it is so liberating! I highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I'd prefer a daytime activity rather than a dinner anyway. What about asking DH to plan a nice picnic for you and you can meet up with MIL for dinner? If she's that controlling, she's likely very insecure and maybe never identified herself as being anything other than a mom. She's clinging to an identity that she's scared you'll take away. You can always start your own evening tradition, go get a massage, have a MD Happy Hour with a Mom's Group. I agree that you should try to look at it from her perspective. Just because her son is married doesn't mean she stops being his mom.

I will have delivered #2 just before this Mother's Day and my MIL will be in town. Luckily, she is an amazing woman and I know this because DH is an awesome husband. If she ever has disagreed with any of our choices, we don't know it. She isn't the type to pry or interfere. I'm looking forward to honoring her on Mother's Day, afterall, she played a big part in making my husband the man he is.

[Anonymous]

Apparently no one sees the irony here? You are all crabbing about your men being mamma's boys. And yet all you want is to be showered with affection by your own husband and children.

Well, how the hell do you think mamma's boys are made in the first place?

If it's so bad, why do you want to be doted on by your husband and your children? And if it's really a good thing, why would you complain about it when your husband does it to his own mother?

[Anonymous]

You aren't mad about DH being a mamma's boy. You are fighting over who gets to control the mamma's boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- your husband sounds like a big mama's boy to me...afraid to stand up to her. Does she control your family with her money or some other way? Are they an "ethnic family"...Jewish, Italian or Greek? My dad was Jewish and he was the biggest mama's boy ever. He treated my mom like boo boo

To answer PP's questions: DH is not a Mama's boy, but he does not stand up to her. She controls with never ending guilt and money. They are Jewish.

Well, then he IS a Mama's Boy. The sooner you get this, the better for you. This is the way things are going to be - like it, or not. You should have seen this coming BEFORE you married Mama's Boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently no one sees the irony here? You are all crabbing about your men being mamma's boys. And yet all you want is to be showered with affection by your own husband and children.

Well, how the hell do you think mamma's boys are made in the first place?

If it's so bad, why do you want to be doted on by your husband and your children? And if it's really a good thing, why would you complain about it when your husband does it to his own mother?

HA! Great point.