Mother's Day will never be mine...

[Anonymous]

oops meant *wimpy* above not simpy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. FYI, 22:11 is not the OP.

Honestly, I don't know what would make me feel better at this point. DH and his mom are not close. He's agreeing to the dinner for her so that she doesn't create drama (as typical). I want him to make a big deal about Mother's Day applying to MY life now. Maybe I'm selfish, but considering the time and effort I put into the motherhood thing, he owes me that.

A brunch would be fine for me if DH would acknowledge that it is in my "honor". Mother's Day may be a Hallmark holiday, but I've bought in and it means something to me now.

Into the "motherhood thing"

I'm thinking you sound a little nutty. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Is it just DC? Or are women now just such whinny bitches.

I NEED a full day! People must love me and worship me! Seriously, you are a mom. No one needs to spend a full day getting down on their knees heaping you with flowers and chocolates and throwing roses at you for what you do. You chose to be a mom, not for a once year card and a day of worship. I feel sorry for your family. Grow the fuck up.

[Anonymous]

OP, your feelings are understandable. BUT - why do we let our relationships and emotional lives be affected by these Hallmark holidays? So some marketing exec decided we all should spend money on cards etc. that day.... chocolates on valentines, candy on Easter and Halloween, unending piles of crap on Christmas..... They raise our expectations and God forbid we don't get what we think we want or deserve. My mother has been reduced to tears because of a late birthday card in the mail.

Tell your DH you will make him a deal. Pick another Sunday and make it YOUR family's "Mother's Day". That is the day you get breakfast in bed, and implement whatever other traditions will make you and your family happy.

But I still encourage people to think twice about letting themselves get all wrapped up in the hype of holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mother's Day has been blown for the last 7 years because my mother is dead. Sort of ruined the whole thing for me.

Oh geez, its been 7 years...your day should not be ruined. My mom's been dead 10. I remember her fondly but would never go as far as to say the day is "ruined". I am a mom now and have a child and spend the day celebrating with my child. I would certainly hate to think I would miss that and I know my mom would hate for me to miss it to by spending the day mourning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it just DC? Or are women now just such whinny bitches.

I NEED a full day! People must love me and worship me! Seriously, you are a mom. No one needs to spend a full day getting down on their knees heaping you with flowers and chocolates and throwing roses at you for what you do. You chose to be a mom, not for a once year card and a day of worship. I feel sorry for your family. Grow the fuck up.

Oh self-righteous one who chooses to be so rude in the morning. Maybe OP has a strained relationship with them and wants the day to peaceful for her. Do not jump to conclusions as though you are the all knowing. You probably one .005% about OP. PP you need a xanax chill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a selfish bitch.

And you're as dumb as a brick, PP.

OP - Your husband sucks. He's spineless. Obviously, he's too weak to stand up to his mother. It that's the case, YOU do what's best for you.

[Anonymous]

We have this same issue every year. And Mother's Day is always on, or the day before or day after my b-day. I just gave up and decided it wasn't important anymore. I'm not going to win so why fight the fight. It is just a day.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm glad this topic has sparked so much discussion. I love reading the responses.

The PP who assumed that my MIL is controlling is 100% correct. She is self-absorbed and totally controlling - the opposite of my mother and the mother I intend to be to my children. I remind myself constantly that she always means well, and for that reason, I can take her in small quantities. I don't want this to turn into a MIL thread, just wanted to confirm what some of you have speculated.

Please continue to post - I love hearing your opinions - even if they differ from my perspective.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered calling your MIL on the phone and trying to work out a compromise that works for you both or is that too difficult. If she is uncompromising then its on her but otherwise you look like the B%$$# DIL. Your MIL might actually like the idea of working together with you on the plans. You are her family and she probably does not want to be left out. What do you or others on here want your husband to say to his mom. "My wife doesnt like you which is obvious so we wont be attending your Mothers Day Dinner, so hows dad?" How would you feel if he were in your shoes and did not want to attend your moms overbearing Holiday Dinner. What would he expect you to say to your mom in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Here's how I see Mother's Day, FWIW. It flows up. You honor the mother and mother figure in your life. This is my second Mother's Day this year, but I still honor my mother and my MIL. And then it goes up to you from your child. Your child is too young to do this, so until they can, it falls on your husband to act on your child's behalf. So, in my view, it's shared. You can share this day. Don't make your husband choose. And for god's sake, don't be nit picking on the cuisine. Do two things - one for her and one for you, and recognize that whatever their relationship is, it's Mother's Day for her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with 20:48. Go out to brunch, make that your time. It's not your husbands fault you don't live close to your mother. Let him see his mom on mothers day. Do you have a son? Think of how you would feel if he honored his wife but not his mother on mothers day. Valentines Day is for you. Your anniversary is for you. Your Birthday is for you. Mothers Day can be shared.

this is how i see it. take the long view and think about how you'll feel when your DC is grown up. i'm a mother and wife and i STILL think it's a little creepy and weird that my husband and i celebrate mother's day together - i'm not HIS mom! . sorry, but i think mother trumps wife in this one. just suck it up or don't go. tell them you're skyping your OWN mother that day and can't attend. it's a celebration for his mom so don't go if you don't want to. i don't think you'll win this one with your DH even though yes, i think he SHOULD probably take "your"side more adamently, i just don't see it happening.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL sounds really immature. She needs to get over it. I remember one year my husband bought his dad a Father's Day present and my FIL was really appreciative but said "You know, sometime very soon you guys are supposed to stop doing this kind of thing. It's your time now...your kids and your tradition."

In his mind he had great memories of breakfast in bed served my LOs and ties and homemade cards, etc. and he was sort of passing the torch. I'm not saying we still shouldn't do things for our parents when they are older or when we have kids, of course we should, but please someone slap me if I expect any kind of fanfare and making it all about me when my kids are old enough to have kids of their own. It's sad and a little pathetic.

[Anonymous]

My sister has a similar problem. Her husband always bows to pressure to go to his mom's for Mother's Day. In his family, the men watch TV or go out and the women cook and clean and serve all day, and watch the children. So my sister's mother's day is spent slaving away in the kitchen without a thank-you. It pisses her off. So she hates mother's day. I feel bad for her. (I'm a single mom so I usually take my daughter out to lunch and usually either my ex or his parents buy me a card.)

[Anonymous]

All the people who say you that youhave to go up the "hierarchy" first for Mothers Day...does not make sense to me. If you want to ignore the fact that you are a mom and should ALSO get special treatment then fine, but the point is that OP wants to do something for her. There is nothing wrong with that. And honestly, at a point when MIL's are grandparents, they should take a back seat. Let you DIL who is a new mom get some glory. We send cards and flowers and thats it to the MIL's and there should not be a special expectation for your son who is 30+ to make your day special. MIL's need to grow up...oh wait they are old so why are they still acting this way?