Mother's Day will never be mine...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a selfish bitch.

No, you are simply a bitch. OP is not selfish at all but her DH is a Class A jerk because OP is the mother of his children and he needs to honor her as well as his mother, who really does sound like a bitch. Actually, she sounds like my sister who is always telling me what she [i]expects[b] from me for Mother's Day. She is always disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm one of the pp who totally agree with you, but really, you know mother's day is just a date created by hallmark, right? you can have your own totally you-centric day the day before or the weekend after or whenever - do you think that would help you feel better?

No. I don't remember her name but some woman kept badgering for a day to be set aside to honor mothers (shouldn't they be honored every day?). Hallmark, florists, restaurants, etc., have definitely exploited it but didn't invent it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. FYI, 22:11 is not the OP.

Honestly, I don't know what would make me feel better at this point. DH and his mom are not close. He's agreeing to the dinner for her so that she doesn't create drama (as typical). I want him to make a big deal about Mother's Day applying to MY life now. Maybe I'm selfish, but considering the time and effort I put into the motherhood thing, he owes me that.

A brunch would be fine for me if DH would acknowledge that it is in my "honor". Mother's Day may be a Hallmark holiday, but I've bought in and it means something to me now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with 20:48. Go out to brunch, make that your time. It's not your husbands fault you don't live close to your mother. Let him see his mom on mothers day. Do you have a son? Think of how you would feel if he honored his wife but not his mother on mothers day. Valentines Day is for you. Your anniversary is for you. Your Birthday is for you. Mothers Day can be shared.

If you read my post more carefully, you'd see that I said he should honor his wife AS MUCH as his mother, not instead of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mother's Day has been blown for the last 7 years because my mother is dead. Sort of ruined the whole thing for me.

I hear what you're saying, but here's my perspective. My mom died 8 years ago, when I'd been a mom for two years. From that point on, since it was a bittersweet day for me, my dh made absolutely sure that the day was about me. It has to be. People can call me a selfish bitch if they want, but if my dh wasn't so amazing at showering me with love and affection, himself and behalf of our children, I would spend the day in a heap missing my mom. That's just the truth.

Usually we go out for a nice brunch with the kids and then go have dinner with his siblings and mom. But there have been years that it just didn't work out for one reason or another and he opted out of spending the day with his mom and we had "her" Mothers Day the following weekend. His sisters spent MD with her and nobody was upset. My MIL has said that she appreciates that he puts me first on MD b/c she knows how hard it is for me and it makes her proud to see him being a good husband. She has three other children. I have no mom and no siblings.

[Anonymous]

I get where you're coming from, OP. That said, I agree with PPs who suggest that you split the day: brunch for one mom (you?), and dinner for the other mom (MIL?). If you all go out as a group, however, your DH should make sure that you are acknowledged as being a mother, not just your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Same boat here, but this year my MIL is going to travel so after I do not know how many years it will be my day!! I am so happy!!

[Anonymous]

OP,

Are you sleep deprived? Is this your first Mother's Day? Can't you celebrate the rest of the weekend? This is one dinner, right? Next year, how would you like to do things? Maybe the tradition can be it's your day and you have dinner with your MIL? That could work. It's her day as much as it is yours. Share it, sister!

[Anonymous]

OP beware, I think some self-absorbed and crazed MILs post here. You have a right to spend mother's day the way you want to and your husband needs to grow a pair. Your MILs children are grown, you are dealing with the difficult years of child rearing and you deserve to feel special on Mother's day. I have no doubt you will want the same thing for the next generation when you are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...as long as my MIL is alive. She lives near us, my mother does not. MIL has not even acknowledged that Mother's Day applies to me this year. She has dictated the date, time, and cuisine of the "mandatory" Mother's Day dinner. There is a 100% chance this will happen every single year. I've told DH that I don't want to attend and that if it's my day, this type of cuisine is not what I would want. He simply shrugs his shoulders and says that I don't need to attend the dinner if I don't want to.

I guess I'm frustrated with MIL and disappointed that DH doesn't stand up for me. Anyone else feel this way about Mother's Day?

You should at least go the first time. The lady is probably ready to shower you with attention and give you a nice present on your first mother's day, and all you can think about is how she's running things.

Cuisine? Seriously? Petty, petty, petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP beware, I think some self-absorbed and crazed MILs post here. You have a right to spend mother's day the way you want to and your husband needs to grow a pair. Your MILs children are grown, you are dealing with the difficult years of child rearing and you deserve to feel special on Mother's day. I have no doubt you will want the same thing for the next generation when you are older.

Making his wife feel special should not require him to stiff his own mother's request for dinner. Families all over manage to honor each of the mothers in a family. If OP thinks that can't be done, then that's her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...as long as my MIL is alive. She lives near us, my mother does not. MIL has not even acknowledged that Mother's Day applies to me this year. She has dictated the date, time, and cuisine of the "mandatory" Mother's Day dinner. There is a 100% chance this will happen every single year. I've told DH that I don't want to attend and that if it's my day, this type of cuisine is not what I would want. He simply shrugs his shoulders and says that I don't need to attend the dinner if I don't want to.

I guess I'm frustrated with MIL and disappointed that DH doesn't stand up for me. Anyone else feel this way about Mother's Day?

I think your husband should take his mum out for brunch and give her some flowers like a good son. And if she were a nice lady, you could spend the rest of the day together celebrating your mutual joys as mothers. Unfortunately, she is not, so you can't.

Therefore, he should take her home after their brunch and spend the rest of the day celebrating with your DC and you and teaching your DC by example that everything you do as a mother is something worth honoring at least one day out of the year.

The high road - but as quickly and minimally as it can possibly be traveled.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I would love it if my MIL took the time to make all the arrangements for an annual Mother's Day feast! You sound like you've got it made, OP. No one in my family takes the initiative for anything. I get a card and flowers from my DH, which is great, but we never get together as a family for these sorts of "event dinners." Way to go, MIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...as long as my MIL is alive. She lives near us, my mother does not. MIL has not even acknowledged that Mother's Day applies to me this year. She has dictated the date, time, and cuisine of the "mandatory" Mother's Day dinner. There is a 100% chance this will happen every single year. I've told DH that I don't want to attend and that if it's my day, this type of cuisine is not what I would want. He simply shrugs his shoulders and says that I don't need to attend the dinner if I don't want to.

I guess I'm frustrated with MIL and disappointed that DH doesn't stand up for me. Anyone else feel this way about Mother's Day?

Another tragic case of DCUM Broken Spinal Column Syndrome.
Nip this shit on the bud.
No one can abuse you without your permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I would love it if my MIL took the time to make all the arrangements for an annual Mother's Day feast! You sound like you've got it made, OP. No one in my family takes the initiative for anything. I get a card and flowers from my DH, which is great, but we never get together as a family for these sorts of "event dinners." Way to go, MIL!

I dont think she meant this in a "my MIL is going to plan the day for us" it sounds like MIL is way controlling and planning the day she wants but NOT what her DIL would also want. OP, I feel ya! Esp. if its your first mothers day I would want to do something that I feel apart of not what someone else plans. DH needs to stand up...men seriously get so simpy with their moms. Its quite strange and I still do not understand my husbands relationship with his mom.