To those moms who formula fed their children

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. This is your first baby, right? You want the full experience as a new mom. And you don't want to start off NOT having everything be perfect for this child you love so much. It's okay to grieve over that.

For all the reasons that previous posters mentioned, you know that your baby will be just fine. And YOU will also be fine as you come to have more months behind you of doings 1000s of other important things for him/her.

I had to stop BF with my second baby at 6 weeks, also for good reasons. I thought about it recently and still felt a small twinge of regret. But it has nothing to do with his health and smarts. The kid is in great shape and sharp as a tack. It was more about my experience with him (his babyhood was so fleeting) -- and because it is about me and not him, I know I can live with it.

[Anonymous]

I have four children. The first was fully BF, the next two (twins) were about 80% BF and now my last little guy was fully BF for the first 4 months but due to circumstances, we switched to pumping, after a while the pumping got old and now at 9 months, he is about 70% FF. All my kids are healthy and happy. As am I with my decisions.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE the LOVE on this thread!!! We need more threads like these.

[Anonymous]

Doing a job interview today, they asked me if I was breastfed so I'm not sure I'll get the job

Seriously, hugs to you OP for getting as far as you did!

[Anonymous]

OP, I know I'm chiming in late and rarely post if a thread has gone on this long, but...I feel the need to tell you it's ok to cry over it and your baby will still be perfect!

I cried and cried the first few weeks after my daughter was born because I wasn't able to breastfeed. Everything set me off - the f-ing strangers that would ask if I was breastfeeding, my friends talking about breatfeeding, and the fear that my poor DD was doomed because I was feeding her formula. After DD started sleeping through the night consistently at 4 weeks, I decided the formula wasn't so bad after all (who knows if it had to do with the formula, but she slept much better than the other babies I knew that were breastfed). =) And, heck, if a few IQ points get knocked off, she'll still be perfect to me. So far, she's healthy, happy, and tons of fun! Yours will be, too!

[Anonymous]

22:47 here again. Also, I wish I'd had the guts to post this thread when my DD was born, because everyone's comments would have made me feel more at ease. I was too afraid I'd be blasted for not being able to breastfeed.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I can't thank you all enough for your responses.

[Anonymous]

I formula fed both kids from day one by choice. Zero regrets. They both ate like champes, grew like champs, and transitioned to whole milk at age 1 like champs.

As long as you provide your baby with nourishment, you are doing your job just fine. No guilt!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thread! I went through absolute agony - mental and physical - trying to breastfeed DS. DS hated breastfeeding and I had a very low supply from the get-go. I endured shredded, bleeding nipples; painful engorgement; endless lactation consultations; sickening amounts of herbal supplements; and profound sleep deprivation. Each breastfeeding session (8 per day at the beginning) would last 45+ minutes and then I would pump for 30-45+ minutes immediately after each BF session. On the advice of a LC, I also hand-expressed in between BF/pumping sessions. I even tried Reglan to boost my supply, despite warnings (later proved true) that the drug would cause anxiety attacks and severe insomnia. At my "best," I was only ever able to produce 5-6 oz of milk (TOTAL) after 45+ minutes of pumping.

I finally caved and allowed DH and other family members to offer DS formula after it became clear, when DS was about 4 weeks old, that he was losing weight and failing to thrive. I finally gave up attempting to breastfeed - my son just screamed and screamed when I tried to get him to latch on - when he was about 4 months old and it was obvious that he wasn't getting enough milk anyway. I then pumped until he was 10 months old, but because I produced so little, we supplemented with formula the entire time.

I was wracked with irrational guilt and despair for a long time, convinced that I was defective as a mother and that I was dooming DS to a lifetime of mediocrity and ill health. But I gradually got over it and, to be perfectly frank, each time I gave up a BF and/or pumping session, our family's quality of life got *that much* better.

DS is now 2-1/2, intelligent, precociously verbal, funny, playful, handsome, and an adventurous eater who will try and usually eat anything that we put on his plate. He is sick no more often, and in some cases less often, than the BF kids we know. He is just as attached to DH and me as BF kids are to their parents. I have numerous brilliant Ivy League-educated friends (now in their mid-30s) who were completely FF; and some of them are FF their own kids, whether from choice or necessity. And adopted kids I know who were FF are all doing just fine.

We're now expecting #2 and, although I will give BF my very best shot, I have promised myself that I will not fall prey to the same crippling neuroses that I experienced the first time around. I missed out on a heck of a lot of DS's babyhood thanks to guilt, sleeplessness, and what seemed like endless hours attached to my pump.

Don't let the BF cult get to you, ladies. Happy mommy = happy baby (and family).

[Anonymous]

I just want to throw in that I actually DID breastfeed my child for an ENTIRE year with no formula or anything and he gets way sicker than anyone else in his class, all of whom except one used formula. And he is on his 4th ear infection.

I know there's a lot of science saying breastfeeding is good, but having a happy healthy baby is really what's good. And as you can see by my kid, breastfeeding is no sure fire way to make that happen.

I'm so sorry this is hard on you and you'll get over it soon enough. I haven't read the posts, but I'm sure a lot of people have said and I'll repeat that as long as you love and care for your child, you are doing everything right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted my first child, who was 11 months old when she came home. She had been on formula since she was born. Technically I guess I could've tried to induce lactation and breastfeed, but since she was so close to a year, the thought never even crossed my mind.

She is a happy and healthy child. To echo 11:06, I breastfed my 2nd child and he definitely got (and still gets) sick more often than the older one

Don't beat yourself up and congrats!

Same here. My adopted, formula fed DC is much healthier than my breastfed DC and has no allergies. I also enjoyed being able to use bottles. It was fun for me, since I never used bottles before and they were what I had equated with "motherhood" when I was a little girl. So there you go.

[Anonymous]

My 8 mo old seems to be developing at a faster pace then the BF kids I know that are the same age. She has been given formula since 3 mos. Crawling at 6 mos and thisclose to walking now. No shame in formula sister. Get a nice tall glass of wine and put your utters away. And take all that extra time you'll have for yourself to get some sleep.

[Anonymous]

A friend sent me this article after I had to stop bf my daughter.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/

Specifically I could relate to the judgement she received from other moms. The video "mother's milk" is great, you should watch it! It may help you deal with judgement from other moms you are sure to receive even if it's not verbal judgement. I wish I could have continued to bf my daughter, I do think it's the best option, but if it doesn't work out you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I remember how I cried and cried when I realized I was not going to be able to breastfeed my second child. I had breastfed my first one exclusively and won't go into the medical problems that made it impossible for me to do so with the second -- but like you, I felt terrible. I can still remember that awful feeling, and it's been EIGHTEEN years. My bottlefed baby is now about to graduate from high school. She got into a top college. She is wonderfully healthy -- had few colds growing up (fewer than her breastfed sister). Never once had an ear infection. Definitely is less allergic than her sister.

I also remember how my mother and my aunts kept telling me that they bottlefed their children and we all turned out fine. They said many years later I wouldn't even remember how traumatic it was not to be able to breastfeed. Well, I still remember how sad I was about it, but they were perfectly right to tell me that one day I would wonder why it seemed to matter so much to me. It certainly didn't matter to my (now adult) kids. What did matter is that I held them both close to me when I fed them. Bonus: My younger one got fed a lot more often by her dad!

[Anonymous]

I couldn't breast-feed - my boobs just didn't have the infrastructure for it, according to the lactation consultants I talked to. (3 of them agreed.) I didn't lose any sleep over it. My daughter drank formula since day 1 because she seemed hungry, and she never had an issue with it, so I didn't worry. It was nice for her dad to be able to feed her at any time, and it was convenient that we could travel with formula powder and water and didn't need refrigeration, and didn't need to find good places to breast-feed. She didn't get sick often (we assumed her sicknesses were related more to daycare than formula) and she was weight-height proportionate, so we're happy with the way things turned out.

you'll have a million other things to feel guilty about or worry about; try to let this one go.