Party etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t invite them, how are you going to answer the question of why they aren't invited next year to yours? Imagine the scenario where you were inadvertently left off of the email list.

“I’m so sorry - I must’ve mistyped your name when sending out the list.”

Sure, Jan.

You've never done that?

They have been invited before, they have the correct address in the address book. People aren't generally typing every address by hand every time. So, they have the address just didn't use it.

so if they chose not to use it, why should the other party be obligated to include?

The shouldn't that's why the "it's a typo" is as weak as an excuse as "the check is in the mail".

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are outgrowing the friendship. I would not invite them.

[Anonymous]

Why are you assuming they don’t like you or you must have done something for them to not invite you? Now, you want to retaliate? I think it’s an oversight and I would ask a good friend to ask the host. This post is crazy talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bought a beach house some years back after we moved to a new city some years prior to that. Many parents from our kids' school at that time have had places there, some for decades. Every summer we've thrown a party and invited these parents along with some other friends. One of these school couples invited us to their summer party for two years, but have not this year even though they have accepted our invitation. We also saw them socially when our vacation locations overlapped, etc. earlier this year. Our DCs are friends. Generally like the DH. The DW can be a lot.

DH thinks there is probably some mix up while I am not so certain. We are having a milestone event next year and I am now inclined not to invite them. Feels petty but this also feels petty.

are you positive they are having the party this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming they don’t like you or you must have done something for them to not invite you? Now, you want to retaliate? I think it’s an oversight and I would ask a good friend to ask the host. This post is crazy talk.

I would think the lack of invite says it all. If they don't invite her, then OP is under no obligation to invite them. I don't think it was an oversight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how are you so certain they are having this party - the one you're not invited to?

+1

because everyone is talking about it with us - they are all attending and they assume we are as well.

check your spam? texts? make sure you are not invited

mention to a friend you never heard about it

if they purposely do not invite you then you should absolutely NOT invite them - Nope. It's not to be spiteful but if they are intentionally leaving you out then so be it but you are not friends if that is the case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how are you so certain they are having this party - the one you're not invited to?

+1

because everyone is talking about it with us - they are all attending and they assume we are as well.

check your spam? texts? make sure you are not invited

mention to a friend you never heard about it

if they purposely do not invite you then you should absolutely NOT invite them - Nope. It's not to be spiteful but if they are intentionally leaving you out then so be it but you are not friends if that is the case

we've done all of that - spam, texts, emails, etc. there is no contact. there's no way we can't claim we haven't heard about it as people are talking about it with us, assuming we are coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how are you so certain they are having this party - the one you're not invited to?

+1

because everyone is talking about it with us - they are all attending and they assume we are as well.

check your spam? texts? make sure you are not invited

mention to a friend you never heard about it

if they purposely do not invite you then you should absolutely NOT invite them - Nope. It's not to be spiteful but if they are intentionally leaving you out then so be it but you are not friends if that is the case

Perhaps it's not intentional, but doesn't one follow up on RSVPs? If I haven't heard from someone, I reach out to see if they are coming.

[Anonymous]

So...any new perspectives here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...any new perspectives here?

Text her for a coffee date

RSVP as if you'd been invited

Be out of town that weekend (already suggested but very worth considering)

The next time someone says something to you, say, "Oh, are they having the party this year? I wasn't sure." That will get back to hostess and she will invite you or not, but it's the biggest risk of looking bad

No matter what, you should still invite them. Assume it was an oversight and act normal.

[Anonymous]

Text her for a coffee date

I like this one. Chat with her, ask if she has any big plans for the summer. See what she says.

[Anonymous]

Wait did you say you’re not throwing your usual party this summer because you’re throwing a big one next year? Could it be they think they havnt been invited to your annual party so that’s why you haven’t been invited to theirs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t invite them, how are you going to answer the question of why they aren't invited next year to yours? Imagine the scenario where you were inadvertently left off of the email list.

“I’m so sorry - I must’ve mistyped your name when sending out the list.”

Sure, Jan.

In my email address, I have an “R” in between my first and last name and people forget it ALL THE TIME.

OP, you have no idea why you did not receive an invite, and it could be for a variety of reasons: incorrect email, spam, simply overlooked, or really not invited. I would err on the side of good intentions and invite them to your party; however, if you did not receive in invite the following year, then you know.

[Anonymous]

Whether due to oversight or back chatter, invitation now received. No clarity on if the invitation went awry due to a misspell or what, but hosts reached out late yesterday to confirm if we were attending.

Texting for coffee didn’t seem like an option as we do not really have that kind of relationship. Our husbands are closer and we are friendly, but meeting for coffee to talk about this seemed like it could end up being messy.

Thanks for all the feedback and insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is some crazy middle school tit for tat.

If you like them, invite them. If you don't like them, don't invite them.

This.

I invite people I want to spend time to my parties. I don't invite people I don't want to spend time with. It's not that complicated.