Party etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure they are having one this year? Are you also sure it hasn’t morphed into some sort of family only graduation party or baby shower? Invite them if you think they’ll add joy to your party.

+1 sometimes people have a tradition but have to skip a year due to other circumstances. As this PP points out, could even be happy circumstances - hosting something else and so not up for the usual party.

No, they are having the party and it is the usual party as per what others are saying.

Everyone assumes we are invited so they raise it in conversation. This party is often the first one of the summer.

Id probably get someone im friends with to nonchalantly ask the host if I was coming. That way you will know if an oversight or intentional. If intentional then I would not invite them to mine.

[Anonymous]

If they're not inviting you, they're probably attending yours out of a sense of obligation. Just cut each other loose -- nobody gels with everyone, and it's tougher still when you're dealing with couples

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they're not inviting you, they're probably attending yours out of a sense of obligation. Just cut each other loose -- nobody gels with everyone, and it's tougher still when you're dealing with couples

Why does someone attend out of obligation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure they are having one this year? Are you also sure it hasn’t morphed into some sort of family only graduation party or baby shower? Invite them if you think they’ll add joy to your party.

+1 sometimes people have a tradition but have to skip a year due to other circumstances. As this PP points out, could even be happy circumstances - hosting something else and so not up for the usual party.

No, they are having the party and it is the usual party as per what others are saying.

Everyone assumes we are invited so they raise it in conversation. This party is often the first one of the summer.

Id probably get someone im friends with to nonchalantly ask the host if I was coming. That way you will know if an oversight or intentional. If intentional then I would not invite them to mine.

We have mulled that, but don't necessarily want to reveal that we were not invited if that is the intent. Folks assume we are invited or they would not be raising it with us - at least that's my guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure they are having one this year? Are you also sure it hasn’t morphed into some sort of family only graduation party or baby shower? Invite them if you think they’ll add joy to your party.

+1 sometimes people have a tradition but have to skip a year due to other circumstances. As this PP points out, could even be happy circumstances - hosting something else and so not up for the usual party.

No, they are having the party and it is the usual party as per what others are saying.

Everyone assumes we are invited so they raise it in conversation. This party is often the first one of the summer.

Id probably get someone im friends with to nonchalantly ask the host if I was coming. That way you will know if an oversight or intentional. If intentional then I would not invite them to mine.

We have mulled that, but don't necessarily want to reveal that we were not invited if that is the intent. Folks assume we are invited or they would not be raising it with us - at least that's my guess.

Oh, weird, I didn't get an invitation this year.

[Anonymous]

How does the invitation usually arrive?

Email
Evite
Verbal
Paper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does the invitation usually arrive?

Email
Evite
Verbal
Paper

DH gets the invitation and he has checked all the traps, so to speak. Nothing in spam.

Never verbal or paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure they are having one this year? Are you also sure it hasn’t morphed into some sort of family only graduation party or baby shower? Invite them if you think they’ll add joy to your party.

+1 sometimes people have a tradition but have to skip a year due to other circumstances. As this PP points out, could even be happy circumstances - hosting something else and so not up for the usual party.

No, they are having the party and it is the usual party as per what others are saying.

Everyone assumes we are invited so they raise it in conversation. This party is often the first one of the summer.

Why not have a friend you have in common bring it up? They can do it casually. It might be an oversight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to be immature, go ahead and don't invite them.

I get that. But why should I invite someone who does not want to reciprocate the hospitality?

You have no idea why they was not able to extend hospitality to you. You are assuming it is because something about you, it could be something about them. If you like these people and want to be around them, then invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more people invited to your party, the better. Summer house means outside mostly? Damn, I’d invite EVERYONE to my beach house. Now is not the time to be petty but to have a good time! Be magnanimous and inclusive. Invite your hair dresser. The cleaning people. The lawn guys. Your kids teachers. This could be the best party of the year! Have fun and show your kids what it means to be a good hostess.

You are clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how are you so certain they are having this party - the one you're not invited to?

Yes, they are. Other friends are attending and assuming we will be there as they are asking us about it. We know pretty much everyone invited - all our kids are friends/friendly from when they attended school together.

That's pretty crappy. I don't know a single person who would not be bothered by this. I would not invite them to a single thing.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think you are A LOT. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe there’s an issue in the young adults’ friend group that you don’t know about. In any case it sounds like they have much more social capital than you, having been there for decades and having claim to the opening weekend. It would be a mistake to make a big deal about it or be unkind. Maybe plan to be elsewhere that weekend so you are less conspicuously absent from the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they think you are A LOT. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe there’s an issue in the young adults’ friend group that you don’t know about. In any case it sounds like they have much more social capital than you, having been there for decades and having claim to the opening weekend. It would be a mistake to make a big deal about it or be unkind. Maybe plan to be elsewhere that weekend so you are less conspicuously absent from the party.

Agree with this. It could be anything from an o right to a purposeful exclusion based on something specific. Have you ever been a bad guest? Do your children get along with the other kids?

[Anonymous]

Just a thought. Could the invitation somehow have not made it to you? Was it made by email or paper or text? We are casual friends with a neighborhood couple who throws a big annual party. When we didn’t receive an invite last year I was surprised but assumed they didn’t have it. I ran into the couple recently and they expressed disappointment that we had missed the party. I was speechless. I didn’t know if they were just covering (which I doubt since I hadn’t mentioned it at all) or if they had actually invited us and thought we hadn’t responded. I’ll never know because it felt like an awkward conversation to have since we are friendly but not close. Either way, if we were to have a large gathering, I would have 100% invited them because they’re nice people and why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they think you are A LOT. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe there’s an issue in the young adults’ friend group that you don’t know about. In any case it sounds like they have much more social capital than you, having been there for decades and having claim to the opening weekend. It would be a mistake to make a big deal about it or be unkind. Maybe plan to be elsewhere that weekend so you are less conspicuously absent from the party.

Agree with this. It could be anything from an o right to a purposeful exclusion based on something specific. Have you ever been a bad guest? Do your children get along with the other kids?

As families, we shared a meal when our vacation plans overlapped when out of the country last year. One of our DCs is good friends with their DC - that DC has visited our DC a few times at college and vice versa. If there was an issue, our DC would've told us.

We always ping them TYs after their party. The mom just invited me over a month or so ago when the dads were traveling, but I was not able to go as I had friends visiting.