Wife wants me to pick up baby in the middle of the day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should stay home with the baby

This is the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 5 month old is in daycare now, my wife recently went back to work but she works a part time hourly job. I’m full time with a hybrid work schedule. She wants me to both drop our baby off and pick her up doing half days because she’s young and my wife is trying to ease her in to it. But this is not working, I have a varied schedule with lots of meetings, sometimes I need to be in the office, and it’s overall very disruptive to my work flow. My wife is part time but sometimes has a meeting in the early afternoon. I’m telling her that if she can’t pick up the baby halfway through the day then we will need to leave her at daycare all day. But she’s afraid of leaving our daughter there for so long. What do we do!!! This is so frustrating.

Dude. You need to make it work. Block your diary. Make it known you have pickup on such and such days at x hour and make them respect that. This is what normal workers do.

Signed, another dude who was doing that shit 20 years ago. It's not that hard.

Also, quit whining. Man up already.

Did you even read? Not an end of day pickup - a middle of the workday pickup.

DP

So what? How far away is this day care? It can't be that far. Block the time. This isn't hard.

Watching an infant and working at the same time actually is very hard. Basically impossible to do both with the care they deserve.

And either you work at night or cheat your employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should be a SAHM if she can't handle baby being in daycare.

Maybe that’s what she wants and OP won’t allow it. There is no way I would have sent my 5 month old to daycare.

That is such an ignorant thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should be a SAHM if she can't handle baby being in daycare.

Maybe that’s what she wants and OP won’t allow it. There is no way I would have sent my 5 month old to daycare.

That is such an ignorant thing to say.

+1 It's easy to say there is "no way" when you have the option not to.

[Anonymous]

Ours was in daycare starting at 3 months. We both work FT OOH. Drop off before work and pickup after work. Child is fine. Many people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should be a SAHM if she can't handle baby being in daycare.

Maybe that’s what she wants and OP won’t allow it. There is no way I would have sent my 5 month old to daycare.

That is such an ignorant thing to say.

+1 It's easy to say there is "no way" when you have the option not to.

You get to choose with whom you procreate, the age you do it, and what your other fixed expenses are leading up to it. You also don’t have to live in a HCOL area. People on here like to pretend like they don’t have choices. If I couldn’t afford to SAH in this area, we’d have left this area. My sister did just that and for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours was in daycare starting at 3 months. We both work FT OOH. Drop off before work and pickup after work. Child is fine. Many people do this.

Same. Mine are in ES now but both started full time daycare at 12 weeks old. They're doing great and are in advanced programming at school.

If the wife wants the baby at home, then she needs to be the caregiver and figure out her job situation to make that work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ours was in daycare starting at 3 months. We both work FT OOH. Drop off before work and pickup after work. Child is fine. Many people do this.

Same. Mine are in ES now but both started full time daycare at 12 weeks old. They're doing great and are in advanced programming at school.

If the wife wants the baby at home, then she needs to be the caregiver and figure out her job situation to make that work.

I certainly agree, but it wasn’t clear to me whether OP would support that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half days until six months or so isn’t unreasonable. We did part time until 1.

Decide with your wife how long half days are suitable, then adjust your schedules (both of you) accordingly. This will last a few weeks, not a few years, and is not going to be something you regret later.

But it doesn’t sound like they agreed to half days at all. It’s just something that Mom wants now.

Yes because when it was hypothetical and not an actual child it was fine. Now the mother thinks the baby needs time to adjust. Make a nee plan for the kid you actually have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours was in daycare starting at 3 months. We both work FT OOH. Drop off before work and pickup after work. Child is fine. Many people do this.

Same. Kids are thriving now. And I am some times nostalgic for the all day easy daycare vs elementary school schedules!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rip off the bandaid and do the full day. You’ve already made the hard decision to use daycare - now enjoy the benefits.

If you do half days, you still have to do all the prep (getting baby there and back, packing…), still expose the baby to germs, etc. If your work day is still disrupted, what’s the point.

I agree with this. If youre taking the baby to daycare you're already doing the hars transition part. Babies do not care if they are there a few extra hours. Youre pay for care youre not using for literally no reason.

Your wife is obviously anxious. Try to help her get over that. Presumably you discussed care and work hours prior to the baby being born. Remind her that your plan is working.

Fwiw 5 months is perfectly normal for full day care AND this is one of the easiest times of her live to have care. It generally gets harder!

Right ....
Listen to daycare providers who actually deal with the kids and see that ALL kids need transition time. My current daycare even does a gradual transition when they move them up to the next room. Its a slow introduction to the staff, other kids, social dynamics, different stimulation and expectation. The infant and toddler rooms have similar rhythms but the needs and schedule and activity requirements/engagement for a 22 mo old are different compared to a 10mo old. Our daycare takes 2 weeks minimum to fully transition to the next room- with every single kid and they give at least 2-3 weeks in between each kid because the dynamics change with new kids/temperaments/etc.
If you can do a gradual transition it is best for the child.
This is entirely separate from a conversation about limiting time in care short-term or long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who love their kids deeply need 2 paychecks and have no flexibility manage to deal with daycare for infants.
Wife needs to decide stay home or full day daycare. Sheesh. Real first world drama

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ours was in daycare starting at 3 months. We both work FT OOH. Drop off before work and pickup after work. Child is fine. Many people do this.

Same. Kids are thriving now. And I am some times nostalgic for the all day easy daycare vs elementary school schedules!

So you liked having your child gone all day and now find it oppressive to be with them. Why did you have them exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ours was in daycare starting at 3 months. We both work FT OOH. Drop off before work and pickup after work. Child is fine. Many people do this.

Same. Kids are thriving now. And I am some times nostalgic for the all day easy daycare vs elementary school schedules!

So you liked having your child gone all day and now find it oppressive to be with them. Why did you have them exactly?

🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rip off the bandaid and do the full day. You’ve already made the hard decision to use daycare - now enjoy the benefits.

If you do half days, you still have to do all the prep (getting baby there and back, packing…), still expose the baby to germs, etc. If your work day is still disrupted, what’s the point.

I agree with this. If youre taking the baby to daycare you're already doing the hars transition part. Babies do not care if they are there a few extra hours. Youre pay for care youre not using for literally no reason.

Your wife is obviously anxious. Try to help her get over that. Presumably you discussed care and work hours prior to the baby being born. Remind her that your plan is working.

Fwiw 5 months is perfectly normal for full day care AND this is one of the easiest times of her live to have care. It generally gets harder!

Right ....
Listen to daycare providers who actually deal with the kids and see that ALL kids need transition time. My current daycare even does a gradual transition when they move them up to the next room. Its a slow introduction to the staff, other kids, social dynamics, different stimulation and expectation. The infant and toddler rooms have similar rhythms but the needs and schedule and activity requirements/engagement for a 22 mo old are different compared to a 10mo old. Our daycare takes 2 weeks minimum to fully transition to the next room- with every single kid and they give at least 2-3 weeks in between each kid because the dynamics change with new kids/temperaments/etc.
If you can do a gradual transition it is best for the child.
This is entirely separate from a conversation about limiting time in care short-term or long-term.

I’m a daycare provider and I’m active in my daycare association. I would say it’s about 60/40 of those of us who prefer a cold turkey/ rip the Band-Aid off and those who prefer a transition time. Those who prefer transition time are only talking about a matter of a week and not a prolonged transition period. Babies adjust quickly and especially when they have a routine.

I prefer the Band-Aid method. I used to do transitions, but it was hard because when the babies fell asleep and I had to wake them up to give them to the parents. It happened far too many times that those babies would wake up the other sleeping babies. It was a disaster for everybody. And the cherry on top was that the parents would think that the babies were not adjusting because they would be crying at pick up. Of course they were crying, wtf did they think was going to happen when he had to wake them up in the middle of their nap?