Parenting limits different now than in the 90s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty surprised about the nonchalance to riding the metro and metro buses in middle school. Yes you as a middle age woman can likely do that just fine but I remember being repeatedly sexually harassed (groped multiple times in addition to comments and a man trying to get my ID) riding on the metro when I was younger- a teenager and young adult. Aside from one workplace incident at a summer job I have not experienced that kind of sexual harassment anywhere else. I am aware my daughter will very likely have to deal with this as well but if I can keep it from happening at 11 I will.

Sorry that happened to you. The only times I ever had issues as a teenager in NYC was when I was on a subway platform or car alone, which was a big no no and something I still actively avoid as an adult woman. Otherwise, if I was on a train at a normal hour, I didn’t really have issues. Frankly I’m planning on telling her to look for women in office attire and try to sit near them. Avoid teenagers, especially groups of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty surprised about the nonchalance to riding the metro and metro buses in middle school. Yes you as a middle age woman can likely do that just fine but I remember being repeatedly sexually harassed (groped multiple times in addition to comments and a man trying to get my ID) riding on the metro when I was younger- a teenager and young adult. Aside from one workplace incident at a summer job I have not experienced that kind of sexual harassment anywhere else. I am aware my daughter will very likely have to deal with this as well but if I can keep it from happening at 11 I will.

Yes. I will let my 12 yo daughter do a lot of things, but no way I’d let her ride the metro alone at this age as a girl. Sorry, some things are different for boys vs girls in terms of risk. Wish it wasn’t that way, but that’s real life.

[Anonymous]

I'm older Gen X, had parents from the WWII Greatest Generation. They never asked my homework or my grades growing up -- aka, do you have homework and how are your grades. They would glance at my report cards and say good job. I was a solid student, though. I have a very distinct memory of playing outside in the neighborhood and telling my friends I had to go home to do my math worksheet. No one at home was going to tell me to do it. If I didn't do it, then the teacher would ask why I didn't get it done. I rode my bike about six blocks home, got my worksheet, and did it at the kitchen table. I was in second, maybe third grade. 6-7 years old. That was the mid 1970s. So yeah, things have changed a little bit. Our youngest just graduated from HS and I rarely checked their grades. Maybe once a term, or just looked at the interim report (where we live every HS student receives an interim, not only the poor performers). I think too many parents are stalking their children academically every day and it's leading to severe depression and anxiety issues when things are already stressful for them.

[Anonymous]

^^ PP: My older brother went to engineering school and became an engineer, and nobody ever told him to do his homework, either. He did his own college application process in the 1970s. He did two years for his AA at community college and then transferred into a now incredibly competitive engineering program for his degree. I remember him telling our parents he had been accepted to engineering school at the big university and was going to go. Our parents said oh, okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Modern times. It’s the norm. My adult niece came over last week, and really had a hard time with basic tasks. She doesn’t even know how to properly make a cup of coffee. She doesn’t know how to cook anything, and forgets how to do laundry. She can’t even put sheets on the bed. She’s 27.

That's women's work and modern parents don't want to teach boys or girls how to do any of that.

Huh? I don’t think so. I think it’s UMC parents doing everything for their kids so their kids can focus on school, sports, and other ECs and get into college, while missing out on essential life skills and experiences.

This and it’s been happening for a while. A Stanford dean of students wrote a book about it in the 10s because she noticed the trend. https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult

[Anonymous]

Life in small town America maybe has changed less then life in suburban America over the last 25 years.

Growing up in town of Orange, VA or town of Farmville, VA is fairly different to growing up in Arlington, at least now, maybe for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty surprised about the nonchalance to riding the metro and metro buses in middle school. Yes you as a middle age woman can likely do that just fine but I remember being repeatedly sexually harassed (groped multiple times in addition to comments and a man trying to get my ID) riding on the metro when I was younger- a teenager and young adult. Aside from one workplace incident at a summer job I have not experienced that kind of sexual harassment anywhere else. I am aware my daughter will very likely have to deal with this as well but if I can keep it from happening at 11 I will.

Yes. I will let my 12 yo daughter do a lot of things, but no way I’d let her ride the metro alone at this age as a girl. Sorry, some things are different for boys vs girls in terms of risk. Wish it wasn’t that way, but that’s real life.

Sad for your kid. Metro is safe when it’s busy, like during school commuting times. I wouldn’t let my kid on there alone when it’s likely to be empty. But rush hour, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm older Gen X, had parents from the WWII Greatest Generation. They never asked my homework or my grades growing up -- aka, do you have homework and how are your grades. They would glance at my report cards and say good job. I was a solid student, though. I have a very distinct memory of playing outside in the neighborhood and telling my friends I had to go home to do my math worksheet. No one at home was going to tell me to do it. If I didn't do it, then the teacher would ask why I didn't get it done. I rode my bike about six blocks home, got my worksheet, and did it at the kitchen table. I was in second, maybe third grade. 6-7 years old. That was the mid 1970s. So yeah, things have changed a little bit. Our youngest just graduated from HS and I rarely checked their grades. Maybe once a term, or just looked at the interim report (where we live every HS student receives an interim, not only the poor performers). I think too many parents are stalking their children academically every day and it's leading to severe depression and anxiety issues when things are already stressful for them.

Same. 1970.

I have two sons. We never had to be on them about homework. They always did the work. I think I checked canvas maybe twice from middle school through high school. Both graduated HS with straight As. One at an Ivy, the other a T20. We let them play the sports they wanted and choose their activities.

I did help with college applications though—because holy sh@t had that changed from the 80s!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty surprised about the nonchalance to riding the metro and metro buses in middle school. Yes you as a middle age woman can likely do that just fine but I remember being repeatedly sexually harassed (groped multiple times in addition to comments and a man trying to get my ID) riding on the metro when I was younger- a teenager and young adult. Aside from one workplace incident at a summer job I have not experienced that kind of sexual harassment anywhere else. I am aware my daughter will very likely have to deal with this as well but if I can keep it from happening at 11 I will.

Yes. I will let my 12 yo daughter do a lot of things, but no way I’d let her ride the metro alone at this age as a girl. Sorry, some things are different for boys vs girls in terms of risk. Wish it wasn’t that way, but that’s real life.

Sad for your kid. Metro is safe when it’s busy, like during school commuting times. I wouldn’t let my kid on there alone when it’s likely to be empty. But rush hour, yes.

I’m the PP who described my experiences on the metro. I agree it’s “safe” in the sense you are unlikely to be killed or kidnapped. But many incidents occurred during rush hour and other crowded times. Men will use being crowded into as a cover to fondle girls or when they “fall into” them. I also had a guy pretend I kicked him to try and get sympathy and make me feel like I owed him a conversation. He tracked my workplace down later and contacted me based on information I didn’t give to him, that he saw when he got in my space. I am so glad I was not 11 trying to deal with

[Anonymous]

I mostly agree with your premise.

We live in a walkable neighborhood. To live here, we have to be OK with the fact that our house is smaller than most of our friends' houses. We never wanted the big McMansion, where school would be 3 or 4 miles away and you can't get anywhere without driving.

As a result, our kids did have some independence earlier than their peers in the 'burbs.

I think we were good at encouraging our kids to walk places in the neighborhood, get their permit as soon as they turned 16, and hold down jobs.

We were bad at enforcing household chores.

No one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ PP: My older brother went to engineering school and became an engineer, and nobody ever told him to do his homework, either. He did his own college application process in the 1970s. He did two years for his AA at community college and then transferred into a now incredibly competitive engineering program for his degree. I remember him telling our parents he had been accepted to engineering school at the big university and was going to go. Our parents said oh, okay.

So, who paid for this? Your brother or your parents?