Parenting limits different now than in the 90s?

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 11, so I'm barely entering the tween zone with him. Maybe my question will come off the same way questions from parents of babies come off to me, when they're like "I'll never let my child go to bed past 8pm" and "just offer them a rainbow of foods and they'll eat what their body requires, it's not that hard for me to do this with my 8 month old, you're just lazy!"

My question is basically, why are teens not allowed the same freedoms and responsibilities that we had when we were younger? I see on this board, and in some cases with the teenagers in our neighborhood, that they aren't allowed to drive more than a few hours away, aren't allowed to babysit past 10pm even on weekends, have parents stay at their sports practices, have their parents coordinating their college apps for them, etc. Obviously this stuff is a few years off for me, but what's changed? I let my 11 year old walk the half a mile to school alone with a friend, on a residential 25mph road with sidewalks and a crossing guard present at the 4 way road intersection he needs to cross to get to the school. Even if it's cold, or rainy, they walk. But barely anyone else does this even on gorgeous days. Kids get driven the half a mile by their parents. On rainy or cold days, the line to drop off in the morning is blocking traffic because it stretches down the 4 lane road that the school is on. Next year they'll be at middle school and the middle school is a mile away as opposed to a half mile away, but also completely on residential roads with one street crossing at a traffic light and his friend's mom has said she won't allow her kid to walk to middle school because of that street crossing. It's disappointing to me but am I in the minority here that I think that walk would be safe and fine, with a friend, at age 12?

[Anonymous]

Why on earth do you need to ask, OP? Haven't you already noticed over 11 years of your child's life that modern parenting is a lot more protective than is used to be?

Parent the way you want, and leave others to parent the way they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why on earth do you need to ask, OP? Haven't you already noticed over 11 years of your child's life that modern parenting is a lot more protective than is used to be?

Parent the way you want, and leave others to parent the way they want.

I have, yes, but I guess I've always assumed that as kids get older they'd get more freedom and responsibility, even if less than I expected them to get. But it seems like the same rules and guardrails parents had in place for their 6 year olds are still applying at age 11. Like I figured most people wouldn't let their 6 year olds walk to school with a friend, even with a crossing guard, because we don't live in those times anymore. But by 5th grade, people STILL don't. It's making me wonder if by high school, they STILL won't, and that is what prompted me to ask!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why on earth do you need to ask, OP? Haven't you already noticed over 11 years of your child's life that modern parenting is a lot more protective than is used to be?

Parent the way you want, and leave others to parent the way they want.

I have, yes, but I guess I've always assumed that as kids get older they'd get more freedom and responsibility, even if less than I expected them to get. But it seems like the same rules and guardrails parents had in place for their 6 year olds are still applying at age 11. Like I figured most people wouldn't let their 6 year olds walk to school with a friend, even with a crossing guard, because we don't live in those times anymore. But by 5th grade, people STILL don't. It's making me wonder if by high school, they STILL won't, and that is what prompted me to ask!

Yes it is ridiculous. We were so much more ready to be adults at 18.

These parents have screwed their own kids over with their safety at any cost mindset.

[Anonymous]

Read some of Lenore Skenazy’s writing on this. That and Jonathan Chait’s book, The Anxious Generation, have motivated me to push against this trend and to give my kids a lot of autonomy and independence in the real world. This is to build confidence but also make the real world more interesting than the virtual one. My 11 y/o gets off the bus in the afternoon and goes to the park with friends. She often walks around our very walkable DC neighborhood by herself or with friends and goes to stores by herself, including to pick up milk etc for us. This summer I’m going to let her start riding the metro or DC bus by herself. To each their own but I am already seeing so much confidence in my kid and it has helped massively with her anxiety. She feels competent and happy. Eliminating all risk is impossible and attempting to do so just creates other risks, like getting sucked into online worlds, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Then they complain about their kid being asocial and blame the kid for having mental illness, and threaten to kick them out. It’s all caused by their parenting.

[Anonymous]

Social media and the constant reposting of stories has made it seem as though the world is more dangerous.

We used to watch the news in the evening or read the paper and you sometimes saw a bad thing happened story. Now you log on and can see 100s of a bad thing happened story and it is shared and posted over and over.

The world is a little more dangerous in that an increased population means more cars on the road, cars are faster, people are more distracted in their cars, etc. But people are still people, they aren't more dangerous.

Many people do not know actual facts or statistics. They base their sense of danger on their perception, not on reality.

[Anonymous]

Oh, this is a little commune about how the Old Times Were Better.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

[Anonymous]

My rising 5th grader will be getting himself up and ready, as well as leaving the house on his own next year (after both parents have left for work). I am nervous, but he feels confident he can do it, and it’s my job as a parent not to show those nerves. This means he’ll use an umbrella or raincoat, not sit in car at bus stop like half the kids. The idea actually excites him and makes him proud.

[Anonymous]

Modern times. It’s the norm. My adult niece came over last week, and really had a hard time with basic tasks. She doesn’t even know how to properly make a cup of coffee. She doesn’t know how to cook anything, and forgets how to do laundry. She can’t even put sheets on the bed. She’s 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, this is a little commune about how the Old Times Were Better.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

No, it isn’t. NP

[Anonymous]

It's a symptom of a bigger issue in current parenting trends:

Kids need experience failures in order to learn how to grow. Yet American parents are increasingly willing and able to step in and prevent their kids from failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a symptom of a bigger issue in current parenting trends:

Kids need experience failures in order to learn how to grow. Yet American parents are increasingly willing and able to step in and prevent their kids from failing.

+1000000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Hasn’t changed here. I don’t let my kids walk as we know several kids hit and severely injured and two died from cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a symptom of a bigger issue in current parenting trends:

Kids need experience failures in order to learn how to grow. Yet American parents are increasingly willing and able to step in and prevent their kids from failing.

That’s always been the case. We found the checked out parent.