Grandparents don't want to see grandchild

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a feminist too and feel sad that your DIL has been sucked in but just cannot see how distancing yourself from an innocent child "before I get hurt" will help that child. How will your daughter know what it is to be an independent woman if she has no role models like you in her life. Much as you understandably dislike the mother it is your duty to put yourself out there for the child. I am not talking about your money but giving your time and attention.[/quote

Baptists fundamentalists do not believe in premarital sex, they barely believe in holding hands. I grew up in the south and there were lots of them. It is difficult for me to believe she had premarital sex because in these sects and, believe me, they count the months. and it would be a major scandal if she were pregnant before being married.

I do, however, understand the grandmother and I doubt the relationship could, or would, last if mother is bringing child up to believe her grandmother is evil and going to hell.

[Anonymous]

As it is now, grandma is letting mom win--she'll be the one coming off as "evil" by her very choice not to have a relationship with the child. If grandma chooses to have a loving relationship with the child, it is possible that the child will come to her own conclusions that grandma is not evil, thus mom is not right about everything.

[Anonymous]

Having a relationship with the grandchild would give her another way to see the world, realize there is more than one way of thinking. Step away from the principle thinking, focus on having a relationship with the grandchild.

[Anonymous]

"OP, I think that the person who really needs help right now is not you or your child but your mother. She is anxious, she is in pain, she is withdrawing into herself and her routines. She's taking your father with her, or he doesn't know how to step out of it. Your son will actually be fine regardless of how this shakes out as long as you are strong for him and show him that his grandparents love him. Your mother on the other hand sounds like she is in for a serious downhill slide and an unhappy old age. Can you imagine being so anxious that you couldn't figure out how to accept your child and grandchild as guests? I bet that this makes her feel confused and sad. So while I feel terrible for you that you are not getting the grandma experience you expected for your child, it seems obvious from your post that your mother (and maybe your father too) has gone to the stage of life where she needs to be cared for. She's the one to worry about. It's not fair that it happened so soon, but that's what you're describing.

Work with the family to get them some help. When your mother is more secure and has sufficient pain management, you might find her more accessible"

OP: I agree with this. Maybe you need to take a little run out there to visit your mom more often without your child. You may need to work on that relationship right now.

I also liked the suggestion of just heading in that direction, calling 20 minutes beforehand and just dropping in with dessert or carryout and your child. This avoids disappointing your child. But before I would do that, I would just go visit a few times by myself and get them used to just seeing you visit without any expectations.

To the grandma with the fundamentalist relative: this happened in our family. You should have heard what was said at our son's Catholic baptism. My husband is also a minister in another denomination and they are evil according ot the fundamentalists. But the wisest advice I can give you is to have a relationship with the child and ignore your son and DIL. My one sister poisoned the relationship with her daughter and our mother. It hurt to watch and hurt everyone. My other sister had her issues, but let her daughter and mother have their own relationship. If they don't stop you from seeing the child, just go and be that loving prsence to her. She needs you to know there are other ways to live since the world is not so narrow. You also need to love and give love - so do so when and whre you can. GL. We know what it can be like to habve such a difficult split in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP - LOVE the idea of an IL adoption service! MIL has time for anything else but her youngest grandchildren. Truly sad for her.

Let's brainstorm here, seriously. How could the IL adoption be implemented? Somewhat like the big brothers/big sisters idea? There are plenty of older people who would LOVE to spend time with beautiful, innocent, fun little ones! Plenty of older people who are not cold, miserable, selfish....

Just think of how terrible the rotten IL's were as parents!

I believe there is already something like this at Children's hospital and children's wards. Also, Sr. citizen homes love to have children visit. Just call one near you and ask about visiting.