Is 4 months too young to send baby to daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Yeah, this plan is bonkers. Educational administration jobs have a lot of turnover and as a female-dominated field there are plenty of people taking career breaks to raise young kids, so I don't know why she thinks she will forever be shut out. I wonder if she feels pressure from her own family or yours to go back to work. A lot of people are conditioned to think stay at home parents are the lowest life form, especially if they had workaholic parents growing up.

I think you can want to work without thinking that “stay at home parents are the lowest life form.”

Yep, I'm a working parent, my brother was a SAHD until his youngest went to preschool. We both respect the other's choices. The vast majority of parents don't care what anyone else does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

I view it as coming out of her paycheck because the two are mutually exclusive (sort of). If she works, we pay for daycare. If she doesn’t work, we don’t pay for daycare. We don’t have the option to not have me work, as I make 6x as much. It’s just basic math/logic

This is a harmful attitude that you need to cut out. The child is both of yours and viewing her as the expected caretaker and so "paying" for care is inappropriate. It will harm your marriage to view it this way. You guys have to be a team or it won't end up well at all.

She's a person, not a role in your house.

+1M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Can she go back to work and you take care of the child for 4 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

I view it as coming out of her paycheck because the two are mutually exclusive (sort of). If she works, we pay for daycare. If she doesn’t work, we don’t pay for daycare. We don’t have the option to not have me work, as I make 6x as much. It’s just basic math/logic

This is a harmful attitude that you need to cut out. The child is both of yours and viewing her as the expected caretaker and so "paying" for care is inappropriate. It will harm your marriage to view it this way. You guys have to be a team or it won't end up well at all.

She's a person, not a role in your house.

+1M

+2M

My biggest piece of advice to any new father is to understand that you are responsible for your child. When you take responsibility for your child by say paying for child care or doing daycare drop offs, that means you adequately fulfilling your role as a parent. It does not mean you are doing your wife a favor or "helping" her, nor does it make you father of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Yeah, this plan is bonkers. Educational administration jobs have a lot of turnover and as a female-dominated field there are plenty of people taking career breaks to raise young kids, so I don't know why she thinks she will forever be shut out. I wonder if she feels pressure from her own family or yours to go back to work. A lot of people are conditioned to think stay at home parents are the lowest life form, especially if they had workaholic parents growing up.

I think you can want to work without thinking that “stay at home parents are the lowest life form.”

Yep, I'm a working parent, my brother was a SAHD until his youngest went to preschool. We both respect the other's choices. The vast majority of parents don't care what anyone else does.

The majority do respect others' life choices, but some unfortunately do not. Which is why I'm wondering if she has some baggage about this from growing up in a house where the parents glorified working 80 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you want the truth, you just want reassurance.

I prefer to have her stay home for a year but respect her wishes in the end. I think she’s just afraid of losing this job because she likes the people she works with.

Benefits wise, she doesn’t get any because it’s a 30hrs/wk part time position. She can do hybrid wfh a few days so it’s not like the baby will be away for 8hrs a day every day.

It does seem like a waste of money if we’re only having her in the daycare for 50% or less of the time we’re paying for though.

Having a job like that is an excellent balance. Plus having a job where you like the people, is ideal. The extra time you are paying for daycare also gives you flexibility. Don’t think of it s just dollars and cents. I have done sah, woh full time and woh part time - and working 30 hours is the sweet spot. It’s worth it for everyone. The studies that show issues with children in daycare are the one where the children are there more than 40-45 hours a week.

Figure out your strategy for when the child is sick. Generally, taking turns works best. DH and I would do every other.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that a 250k job is more important than a 40k job. The gender is not important. If daycare costs more than the 40k salary, this is not a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reality is that a 250k job is more important than a 40k job. The gender is not important. If daycare costs more than the 40k salary, this is not a great idea.

Treating your spouse as only a number on a balance sheet isn't healthy for your marriage.

She's also not asking him to quit, she wants to put her baby in care part time so she can keep her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter started daycare at six weeks. It might not be ideal, but what was best for her was that we had a place to live and food to eat.

What does that mean?

It means if the pp did not go back to work, they would not have the money to pay rent, buy food………

Don’t have babies when you’re broke.

Having a job = broke?

If you're saying only households that can afford to operate on one income should have kids, well then the birth rate would plummet.

There won't be any jobs in the future because AI will replace everyone. Why do we need all these people?

Well this thread has gone off the rails...

[Anonymous]

Can she work part time? That would be ideal. Id stay home if I could. Its better when they are home with mom to bond if possible at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she work part time? That would be ideal. Id stay home if I could. Its better when they are home with mom to bond if possible at that age.

The original letter says that it would be part time.

[Anonymous]

It does not matter what we think, this is your wife's decision. Or a joint decision. But it is not YOUR decision to choose for her to stay home.

4 month olds thrive and do well in daycare by the thousands every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

I took parental leave for 2 months when she was born. That’s all I get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

It’s clear he views childcare solely as a woman’s job and doesn’t respect her job because it doesn’t pay as much as his. I hope the wife thinks twice about having more kids with this man.

Do you want him to quit his 290k job because you see equal to her 40k salary?

Yeah I don’t understand these people who are like “it’s CLEAR that…” like bruh you barely know me lmao. Too many unhinged people these days trying to inject their personal gender war grievances into every situation

[Anonymous]

At a home daycare is she in a mixed ages group? What measures are in place to keep the infants safe from the zooming toddlers and preschoolers. Are they able to manage the different nap meal times of the varying age groups, along with the needed outdoor time?