Is 4 months too young to send baby to daycare?

[Anonymous]

If Mom is going to be happier working, it’s absolutely the right decision. The job market being what it is, it’s also reasonable not to want to leave one’s job. It’s not just about what you’re earning at this moment that’s important.

Mine started at 4 mos, fyi.

[Anonymous]

Flame away, but 4 months is so young. I would give anything to have that time back with mine, to be able to hold them all day every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

I started one at 12 weeks and the other at 8 months. Much prefer the latter. Mine was walking by 9 months so having her home wasnt really an option since she was into everything. If she was just starting to crawl or pulling up, then it would have been fine. I worked from home from 12 weeks-8 months with PT help since she was also napping frequently. She dropped to 1 nap by 11/12 months so again, it depends on your kid.
In-home daycares vary. Be cautious of age spread. Its really difficult to manage giving a baby enough floor time and interaction with the energy requirements of 2–4-year-olds. It can also be overstimulating. Unless your in-home focuses on infants I would wait a bit.
Babies dont get enough time to explore and just be with most care centers or in-home daycares. They really dont. Container use is rampant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

I started one at 12 weeks and the other at 8 months. Much prefer the latter. Mine was walking by 9 months so having her home wasnt really an option since she was into everything. If she was just starting to crawl or pulling up, then it would have been fine. I worked from home from 12 weeks-8 months with PT help since she was also napping frequently. She dropped to 1 nap by 11/12 months so again, it depends on your kid.
In-home daycares vary. Be cautious of age spread. Its really difficult to manage giving a baby enough floor time and interaction with the energy requirements of 2–4-year-olds. It can also be overstimulating. Unless your in-home focuses on infants I would wait a bit.
Babies dont get enough time to explore and just be with most care centers or in-home daycares. They really dont. Container use is rampant.

OP I saw the additional details. Find a PT sitter/nanny or pay for them to do PT nanny with remaining hours house manager until baby is 7-10 months. If thats working, keep it going. Babies absolutely dont need socialization. They do need age-appropriate stimulation and loving care. Is your wife nursing? If yes, and plans on continuing to pump, its easier to nurse then pump (IME). You also dont have to worry about drop off and pick up, traffic, slugging supplies to and fro, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t send the baby at 4 months. If she must work, get a nanny. But she doesn’t have to work. The priority is all wrong here. Infants need a secure attachment with a constant warm caregiver. You can’t control the high staff turnover in daycare. Your baby will cry because that’s reality with 1 adult to several babies.

Look at the Quebec daycare study. Early start to care and long hours leads to behavioral and emotional issues.

Thanks I’ll look into this study. Also, see my previous post about her only working part time. Maybe a nanny would be a better solution. It might only be 15-20 hrs a week. I think in the end it might cost the same but the baby being at home could be better

NP. Don't bother. Those studies have many flaws.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine. I was poor with no money and had to work, so mine went at 3 weeks old to a private family day care. Pretty close to having Grandma watch her, only the sitter was certified and my mother was not (also geographically inconvenient). That was 25 years ago.

Your wife should have the final say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

+1
Also, it sounds like she wants to keep working, which is reasonable. Millions of babies go to daycare. A good daycare is fine. Our daycare had good ratios, almost no turnover, and our kid received good, affectionate care - she was happy to see her daycare providers when we ran into them years later. No attachment problems at daycare or home. And now that she's a teen, you can't tell which kids went to daycare or had nannies or had SAHPs.

+2 the fearmongering about daycare is all from people with no experience with infant daycare. I see in my relatives - they are so scared of sending their kid to daycare and then they start and it is great for the whole family. Newsflash, kids do not benefit from their parents being miserable. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disposable kids.

I'm so glad you can get satisfaction by bashing working moms. You're life must be pretty miserable if that is something you need.

I’m so glad you get satisfaction by it. Your life must be pretty miserable if you need work to fulfill you because your children don’t.

I do find amusement from the fact you don't realize how completely unhinged and insecure you sound.

[Anonymous]

50 year results hetmre:

https://healthland.time.com/2010/10/18/working-moms-kids-turn-out-fine-50-years-of-research-says/

The researchers found little evidence to suggest that mothers who work part-time or full-time have children with problems in later life. But the researchers did find two positive associations between working motherhood and well-adjusted children: kids whose mothers worked when they were younger than 3 were later rated as higher-achieving by teachers and had fewer problems with depression and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Daycares start accepting babies from 6 weeks old so obviously people are sending them to daycare at 4 months. Yours is a very privileged bubble.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Daycares start accepting babies from 6 weeks old so obviously people are sending them to daycare at 4 months. Yours is a very privileged bubble.

I mean that doesn’t make it best.

So what? People do what they need to do. Unless you’re offering to take care of their babies your opinion is just yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate how OP is ignoring all the questions about why he isn’t taking parental leave to extend the amount of time his child can stay home.

It’s clear he views childcare solely as a woman’s job and doesn’t respect her job because it doesn’t pay as much as his. I hope the wife thinks twice about having more kids with this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Yeah, this plan is bonkers. Educational administration jobs have a lot of turnover and as a female-dominated field there are plenty of people taking career breaks to raise young kids, so I don't know why she thinks she will forever be shut out. I wonder if she feels pressure from her own family or yours to go back to work. A lot of people are conditioned to think stay at home parents are the lowest life form, especially if they had workaholic parents growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

Yeah, this plan is bonkers. Educational administration jobs have a lot of turnover and as a female-dominated field there are plenty of people taking career breaks to raise young kids, so I don't know why she thinks she will forever be shut out. I wonder if she feels pressure from her own family or yours to go back to work. A lot of people are conditioned to think stay at home parents are the lowest life form, especially if they had workaholic parents growing up.

I think you can want to work without thinking that “stay at home parents are the lowest life form.”