New Employer Requiring Me To Disclose Nature of My DD's Dr. Visit.

[Anonymous]

All this discussion is moot until we hear from OP and HIS work policy. Every workplace in this country doesn’t allow an employee to take sick leave by the hour to accompany their child to the dentist, doctor etc. Do you know anyone who works in healthcare? They do not have the ability to leave for a few hours during the day. In that case, the employee would schedule a vacation day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this discussion is moot until we hear from OP and HIS work policy. Every workplace in this country doesn’t allow an employee to take sick leave by the hour to accompany their child to the dentist, doctor etc. Do you know anyone who works in healthcare? They do not have the ability to leave for a few hours during the day. In that case, the employee would schedule a vacation day.

My DH is a nephrologist. He takes off whenever he wants and doesn't even work in July.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would just screenshot the appointment confirmation and send it. They do not need to know the reasons beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this discussion is moot until we hear from OP and HIS work policy. Every workplace in this country doesn’t allow an employee to take sick leave by the hour to accompany their child to the dentist, doctor etc. Do you know anyone who works in healthcare? They do not have the ability to leave for a few hours during the day. In that case, the employee would schedule a vacation day.

Where do people work? At my firm, nobody gives a shit if you take an hour to do something...they just care that whatever shit you have to get done, gets done by whatever timetable you have. On the flip side, if you have an important zoom/call at the same time as your DD's doctor appointment, you figure out a way to do it even if it's from the doctor's waiting room (or you step outside...unless this is life-or-death, you don't have to be in the room).

I get that many MC and LMC people work hourly jobs, where you clock-in and clock-out and you can't just take off for an hour. I guess if you work as a Nurse or a radiological technician, you don't have tons of flexibility. Ironically, this post is about taking DD to the doctor...I would assume if a spouse is a doctor, then they could figure out how to manage this fairly easily.

[Anonymous]

I’d 100% describe in the goriest details possible all of the issues my daughter has been dealing with regarding her period. I’d spend as long as I could giving the backstory, how old she was when she first got her period, how often she gets them, how long they last, then add in the grossest details I could think of. I’d then ask if he needed any additional information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a red flag. I would get the note and provide that. While starting to look for another job.

+1 this is crazy for just a couple hours leave. What about when you are sick or have a sick kid but it doesn't necessitate a Dr appt and wasting the healthcare system frivolously that way? At most employers it's a note/documentation for 3+ days and even then I've never had someone ask except for my maternity leave!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a troll.

[Anonymous]

I've had lots of employers ask for details but they always accepted vague replies like "a medical appointment for a minor issue"

[Anonymous]

Wow this response is full of wrong or incomplete information. FMLA covers unpaid leave. If OP has sick leave as part of his employment benefits that kicks in as soon as he starts work, then he is entitled to use that sick leave immediately, he doesn't have to wait the 12 months for FMLA.

You are right. But the prior post was in response to someone who said the leave would be covered under FMLA. That is highly unlikely in a new job because of the mandatory waiting period for FMLA coverage.

It's clear the company's sick leave policy covers appointments for kids because the boss didn't say it had to be for OP. The boss instead asked about the medical needs of his minor child. So the policy covers family members. If a policy permits the use of sick leave for immediate family members, the company must apply this equally to all employees and cannot selectively approve sick leave on this basis. It's either covered or not, and we can presume it is covered or the boss would have said "our sick leave doesn't cover family members."

Yes that was made clear in the prior post. If the leave is available by policy or collective bargaining agreement, it must be allowed if the criteria for its use is met. It is incumbent on the person seeking to use the leave to demonstrate entitlement.

Regardless, the boss cannot ask for details about medical needs or procedures. It's a violation of privacy and will be especially protected because OP is talking about a minor child.

This is not necessarily correct. An employer can collect medical information. If this were FMLA, provision of medical information is mandatory. If there is no state law prohibiting the collection of medical information, it is likely permitted as well. There is simply no blanket bar to this.

The boss can ask for documentation of the doctor's appointment, and some employers do this to ensure employees don't use sick leave inappropriately. However, you don't do this by asking directly for medical info, which is illegal. Instead you let your employee know they should submit a note from the doctor to the appropriate department (payroll or HR, who can verify the note and ensure the time is correctly approved as sick leave) within a certain number of days after the appointment. The boss never needs to see the note himself and should go out of his way to avoid asking for medical details.

Again, it is incorrect that the boss cannot ask for medical information. However, I agree that companies who do make the request should have policies to ensure confidentiality. That is not the subject of the post though. OP wanted to know if this is something employers actually do and the answer is unequivocally yes.

I do think it's bad form for a workplace to ask for a doctor's note for an occasional short absence for an appointment, simply because it can be annoying to get these. My husband's office did this when I was pregnant, and for some reason my OB's office had trouble producing them, and it was a whole drama every time he accompanied me to an appointment, to the point that it actually ate up more of our time and made us later returning to work than we would have been otherwise. As a boss, I've only ever asked for documentation when I need it for another reason, like getting okayed on for temp assignment to cover someone or to process disability paperwork. That's for serious illnesses where someone can't work, not for a doctor's appointment. I've never asked any questions about a standard 2-3 hour absence for an appointment, that's none of my business.

I think there are plenty of employers who do need to collect this type of information. If your workforce has a CBA or has employees who frequently abuse leave and make misrepresentations about it and the abuse causes problems getting the work done, then it makes sense to have strict policies. And, once the policy is put into place, it tends to apply to the entire workforce. So, if you work someplace that employes people with all ranges of jobs, from unskilled labor to attorneys and C Suite staff, you're going to see high level staff stuck with these requirements. There are entire departments that have responsibility for absenteeism management in these types of organizations.

[Anonymous]

Some people abuse this. My last job had a guy who lived like a 90 minute commute from the office who tried to take 8 hours sick time for minor doctor appointments and claim given his three hour round trip he needed whole day off. At time we did not have work from home.

HR told me to tell him he still needs to drive in after his appointment. As with one appointment what about rest of day.

Then guy schedules a mornning and afternooon appointment. Now I get stuck asking him what for as HR thinks he is scamming. He says I can show you proof, I got my Dental Cleaning in Morning and Eye Exam in afternoon.

I go fine and I go BTW I went to Dentist yesterday there is one by work and guy opens at 8am so I do cleanings there and I use Mr. Eye Doctor which is by work for Eye Exams can do it at work at lunch time. He was like on a rant now you are telling me what Doctors I can use.

In end it was all nonsense. The commute was too much for him and he was just stacking sick days with vacation days, with Personal Days even trying FMLA days to avoid commute and he was job hunting. He was a nice guy. But in reality it gets abused so much.

BTW my Dentist in Bethesda right by Metro due to RTO now is open 1/2 days on Saturday and he has Cleanings now start at 7am. And my Doctor in Bethesda now starts appointments at 7am. And the Orthondists all open late and on Saturdays, CVS Minute Clinic is nearly 24/7. Due to RTO and way less WFH than 2020-2025 in 2026 Doctors adjusted.

So taking off for a kid should be a sick kid emergency and if staff married it should be split 50/50 between wife and husband. Or kids has a 104 fever and you need to be home.

I have a SAHM who works for me with two young kids and I bend over backwards as she is honest. But I often get FOMO people who are like can I leave early, come in late, call out sick more cause she does it and makes up excuses. It is weird. So then we have to crack down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people abuse this. My last job had a guy who lived like a 90 minute commute from the office who tried to take 8 hours sick time for minor doctor appointments and claim given his three hour round trip he needed whole day off. At time we did not have work from home.

HR told me to tell him he still needs to drive in after his appointment. As with one appointment what about rest of day.

Then guy schedules a mornning and afternooon appointment. Now I get stuck asking him what for as HR thinks he is scamming. He says I can show you proof, I got my Dental Cleaning in Morning and Eye Exam in afternoon.

I go fine and I go BTW I went to Dentist yesterday there is one by work and guy opens at 8am so I do cleanings there and I use Mr. Eye Doctor which is by work for Eye Exams can do it at work at lunch time. He was like on a rant now you are telling me what Doctors I can use.

In end it was all nonsense. The commute was too much for him and he was just stacking sick days with vacation days, with Personal Days even trying FMLA days to avoid commute and he was job hunting. He was a nice guy. But in reality it gets abused so much.

BTW my Dentist in Bethesda right by Metro due to RTO now is open 1/2 days on Saturday and he has Cleanings now start at 7am. And my Doctor in Bethesda now starts appointments at 7am. And the Orthondists all open late and on Saturdays, CVS Minute Clinic is nearly 24/7. Due to RTO and way less WFH than 2020-2025 in 2026 Doctors adjusted.

So taking off for a kid should be a sick kid emergency and if staff married it should be split 50/50 between wife and husband. Or kids has a 104 fever and you need to be home.

I have a SAHM who works for me with two young kids and I bend over backwards as she is honest. But I often get FOMO people who are like can I leave early, come in late, call out sick more cause she does it and makes up excuses. It is weird. So then we have to crack down

who is this magical SAHM who works J1J2 guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people abuse this. My last job had a guy who lived like a 90 minute commute from the office who tried to take 8 hours sick time for minor doctor appointments and claim given his three hour round trip he needed whole day off. At time we did not have work from home.

HR told me to tell him he still needs to drive in after his appointment. As with one appointment what about rest of day.

Then guy schedules a mornning and afternooon appointment. Now I get stuck asking him what for as HR thinks he is scamming. He says I can show you proof, I got my Dental Cleaning in Morning and Eye Exam in afternoon.

I go fine and I go BTW I went to Dentist yesterday there is one by work and guy opens at 8am so I do cleanings there and I use Mr. Eye Doctor which is by work for Eye Exams can do it at work at lunch time. He was like on a rant now you are telling me what Doctors I can use.

In end it was all nonsense. The commute was too much for him and he was just stacking sick days with vacation days, with Personal Days even trying FMLA days to avoid commute and he was job hunting. He was a nice guy. But in reality it gets abused so much.

BTW my Dentist in Bethesda right by Metro due to RTO now is open 1/2 days on Saturday and he has Cleanings now start at 7am. And my Doctor in Bethesda now starts appointments at 7am. And the Orthondists all open late and on Saturdays, CVS Minute Clinic is nearly 24/7. Due to RTO and way less WFH than 2020-2025 in 2026 Doctors adjusted.

So taking off for a kid should be a sick kid emergency and if staff married it should be split 50/50 between wife and husband. Or kids has a 104 fever and you need to be home.

I have a SAHM who works for me with two young kids and I bend over backwards as she is honest. But I often get FOMO people who are like can I leave early, come in late, call out sick more cause she does it and makes up excuses. It is weird. So then we have to crack down

who is this magical SAHM who works J1J2 guy?

Well my one is. She is home to put kids on bus get kids off bus, make them snacks. home everytime sick. I only make her come to office 15 hours a week and up to her. She is good. But it is really like a employed SAHM. She also lives 5 minutes from work. My own MIL was a working SAHM. She had a job at a place walking distance from home where she worked 9am to 2pm daily. She was a SAHM in eyes of kids. Kinda like women who works for me.

I highly doubt her kids even know she has a job. I say that as her kids say that to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed jobs for the first time in almost a decade so I admit I'm rusty on the norms, but this is .... odd, right?

My DD is having severe cramps during her menstrual cycle and my wife was to take her next week but the pediatrician called with an opening tomorrow. My wife cant do it so I'm filling in.

My manager wants to know 'why' my DD is going to the Dr and is requiring that I tell him AND get a note.

A male supervisor tried the same thing with me once. I described the nature of my visit in excruciating detail with medical terms. It hasn’t happened again.

[Anonymous]

Despite what several people claim, your employer is not entitled to an answer as to the nature of the medical visit. Sure they can ask but you don't have to povide them with the information. In short, they may not compel you to do jack sh*t and they can't fire you for refusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d 100% describe in the goriest details possible all of the issues my daughter has been dealing with regarding her period. I’d spend as long as I could giving the backstory, how old she was when she first got her period, how often she gets them, how long they last, then add in the grossest details I could think of. I’d then ask if he needed any additional information.

+1. It's such a simple solution. Give the boss the info, and the boss will probably never ask again. Problem solved.