New Employer Requiring Me To Disclose Nature of My DD's Dr. Visit.

[Anonymous]

I changed jobs for the first time in almost a decade so I admit I'm rusty on the norms, but this is .... odd, right?

My DD is having severe cramps during her menstrual cycle and my wife was to take her next week but the pediatrician called with an opening tomorrow. My wife cant do it so I'm filling in.

My manager wants to know 'why' my DD is going to the Dr and is requiring that I tell him AND get a note.

[Anonymous]

Well that's against the law. They can require a note, but it's against the law for them to ask the details and the reason for the visit.

[Anonymous]

A note seems extreme but fine.

When he asks why, say “she needs medical care.” Keep repeating it.

Or, and this is just me, I might start describing why in graphic explicit detail if the boss were an old white man. He would walk out before I was done talking!

[Anonymous]

That's not appropriate. How did you respond? I would say that I prefer to keep my daughter's medical details private.

[Anonymous]

Requiring a note to use what I assume is 2-3 hours max of sick time is insane. So are they saying anytime you need to go to the doctor or dentist you are going to need a note?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a horrible boss

[Anonymous]

Do you have someone in HR you can reach out to? He cannot ask for medical diagnoses. I am not sure if he can ask for an "attendance" slip, e.g., "Larla was present for an appointment today."

[Anonymous]

This is definitely odd and I think inappropriate, but a quick search seems to indicate that it's legal (lawyers, please correct me if that's wrong). But "why" is vague, so you can be vague back. Maybe he wants to know whether this is going to be a regular appointment, whether it's something nonurgent that could be rescheduled, or maybe he's just nosy. Start with, "She's not feeling well and we need to have her seen by her doctor." If necessary (and it really shouldn't be), you could say, "She's been having some abdominal pain." Then if he's really obnoxious and asks further, you can just say, "Well, I don't know, which is why we're seeing the doctor."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A note seems extreme but fine.

When he asks why, say “she needs medical care.” Keep repeating it.

Or, and this is just me, I might start describing why in graphic explicit detail if the boss were an old white man. He would walk out before I was done talking!

+1. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the right to demand this, but if it's a guy asking, I am going into incredibly graphic details about menstruation, cramping, etc. I might throw in period diarrhea as a bonus.

[Anonymous]

You state very clearly that you can't disclose the underlying medical issue but that you are happy to get a note from the doctor to verify you are using your sick leave correctly if he wants.

I would also ask for a clarification on the sick leave policy for future reference, because if he's asking about your daughter's medical info, he will also likely ask about yours if you call in sick.

I had a boss like this and her problem was that she had no boundaries and also fundamentally distrusted everyone who worked for her. Once I left work with a migraine in the middle of the day and she hounded me for weeks about getting it documented "for HR" and I finally called HR and explained the situation to them and they hauled her in to tell her she had to stop asking me about my medical diagnosis and that all future sick leave documentation could be processed through payroll (who did not require a doctors note unless I was out for more than 2 consecutive days, which I never was).

It's a control issue and the best way to deal with it is to use the system against them. You are in the right and the company will back you up because they don't want to get sued.

[Anonymous]

This is a red flag. I would get the note and provide that. While starting to look for another job.

[Anonymous]

I'd respond asking for clarification, in writing. "Just so I'm clear, you are requesting personal details about my daughter's medical appointment that I am using my sick leave for?"

And then just see what he says. If you MUST, I'd verify with the doctor that you attended an appointment, but I would NOT disclose details about why.

I'd also check any company policies about sick leave and be ready to quote them back to him if needed. Usually a doctor's note is required for something like short or long term disability and rarely for appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have someone in HR you can reach out to? He cannot ask for medical diagnoses. I am not sure if he can ask for an "attendance" slip, e.g., "Larla was present for an appointment today."

HR is not for you, it's for your company.

[Anonymous]

What field are you in? How long have you been at your new job? Has your manager been inappropriate or strange in other ways?

I might ask the manager why he wants to know the specifics. To me it suggests that he does not trust you and thinks you’re making something up or else that your daughter doesn’t really need to go to the doctor. You could say that she’s not feeling well and the specifics are her private medical information, but that you are happy to provide a doctor’s note.

Depending on how big your organization is, if you want to check with HR to “clarify the company policy about having to disclose to your manager specifics about medical information.” make sure you approach it in a disingenuous way so that you don’t come off as ratting on your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have someone in HR you can reach out to? He cannot ask for medical diagnoses. I am not sure if he can ask for an "attendance" slip, e.g., "Larla was present for an appointment today."

HR is not for you, it's for your company.

But HR will want to make sure the manager doesn’t do anything that will get the company in trouble or cause problems. For all OP knows, this is just the tip of a long-standing iceberg with this manager and HR may welcome the information. I’m not saying that that’s like likely but it’s one possibility.