Busy on Valentines Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if others would be bummed by this. I asked the woman that I’ve been seeing for the past two months if she’d like to go out for Valentines. Told her I’d like to plan a surprise date for her. She told me she has plans to watch women’s basketball with her friends V day night and could we do it some other time.

She has a full life with a nice support system of friends, which I’ve always thought is great. We don’t get to spend as much time together as I’d like because she’s with them a lot, but I don’t mind compromising. For V day though this kinda bothers me. She likes romance and I always take her on thoughtful dates. I was really hoping to spend V-day together. I’m feeling like she isn’t prioritizing dating when I’m looking to settle down.

This will come off as harsh, but she isn't prioritizing dating with *you*. If she felt really strongly about you, she'd happily abandon plans with her friends.

Sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

What? No! I wouldn’t abandon friends I’d already made friends with for a new boyfriend. And you don’t want to settle down with a woman who would because, guess what, long term relationships are friendships first and foremost.

Can you not do something on the day before or after?

[Anonymous]

She’s playing you for a chump.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who keep saying it is a Hallmark holiday, the origins of Valentine's Day go back to ancient Rome, then the Middle Ages in Europe, where lovers exchanged notes.

Sure, but it's been coopted by red roses, teddy bears, bad chocolate, and Zales.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of women who would love to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day with their boyfriends/husbands, and if you don’t believe me, just check back into this forum in about a week or so.

Next!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s married, or dating, and you’re the backup plan.

This. She’s your FWB. Treat her as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of women who would love to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day with their boyfriends/husbands, and if you don’t believe me, just check back into this forum in about a week or so.

Next!

There definitely are. But if that’s the main disqualifier for an otherwise great person who OP seems to like? Good luck with all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who keep saying it is a Hallmark holiday, the origins of Valentine's Day go back to ancient Rome, then the Middle Ages in Europe, where lovers exchanged notes.

Cool, let’s take it back to that then. Exchanging notes with your lover sounds sweet. No need for the candlelit dinner, roses, chocolate, jewelry, heart-shaped this and that, etc.

Someone ^^ is bitter because they are never getting roses, chocolate or jewelry.

Not bitter at all. I’m not really into stuff or performative acts, but I do love getting sweet notes. OP’s girlfriend might feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess.. she's in her late 30s? She's already built a life around her friends, and they come first.

OP here. Yes, this is the case. I’m realizing I wrote 2 months but it’s actually been 3 months. I’m not sure if I should wait more or just figure we don’t want the same thing.

I was in the opposite position last year when the guy I’d been with for 6 months went on a golf trip with his friends on Valentine’s Day and said it didn’t matter because all his friends were married and their wives don’t care (he was a perma-bachelor, no relationships in his life over 6 months). I had to explain that Valentine’s Day falls on that weekend (Presidents’ Day) every 10-12 years and his friends with 20+ year marriages aren’t just starting to build a life with someone. Come around to this year and he skipped the trip and has bought an engagement ring. So, people can change, but only if something is worth it to them.

I know you meant this as a positive story, but it's really very pathetic.

[Anonymous]

This would kind of bother me (in marriage don’t care much about Valentine’s Day but in dating it can be kind of sweet) but I’d use it as an opportunity to learn about her. She’s not into this Hallmark holiday, she had plans, etc. Use your voice and at same time don’t come off needy. “Oh ok I thought it would be fun to do something but can you telll me
More? Is valentines not an important day for you? Is it too much pressure?” Also might depend how long you’ve been dating/are you exclusive? Probably no big deal. Woman here: I was once asked for a second date on NyE and declined because liked them but too
Much pressure.

[Anonymous]

Maybe its a tradition they have had for a while now. You could take her out for V-day breakfast or dinner on the 15th as others have suggested

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't anybody mention that SHE should accommodate HIS feelings? He clearly feels that V Day is important and enjoys the concept of a cupid-inspired evening out. If she likes him, she shouldn't shame him for caring about this nor should she disregard his feelings. It's an opportunity for her to exercise her ability to show interest and concern for someone other than herself, just the way that men ought to do more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess.. she's in her late 30s? She's already built a life around her friends, and they come first.

OP here. Yes, this is the case. I’m realizing I wrote 2 months but it’s actually been 3 months. I’m not sure if I should wait more or just figure we don’t want the same thing.

I was in the opposite position last year when the guy I’d been with for 6 months went on a golf trip with his friends on Valentine’s Day and said it didn’t matter because all his friends were married and their wives don’t care (he was a perma-bachelor, no relationships in his life over 6 months). I had to explain that Valentine’s Day falls on that weekend (Presidents’ Day) every 10-12 years and his friends with 20+ year marriages aren’t just starting to build a life with someone. Come around to this year and he skipped the trip and has bought an engagement ring. So, people can change, but only if something is worth it to them.

I know you meant this as a positive story, but it's really very pathetic.

+1

[Anonymous]

"Why doesn't anybody mention that SHE should accommodate HIS feelings? He clearly feels that V Day is important and enjoys the concept of a cupid-inspired evening out. If she likes him, she shouldn't shame him for caring about this nor should she disregard his feelings. It's an opportunity for her to exercise her ability to show interest and concern for someone other than herself, just the way that men ought to do more often."

I agree -- they should talk. It really to me depends on if they're exclusive/how long been dating. Just as she doesn't want his feelings hurt (and chance for her to show empathy), some women wouldn't abandon their friends even if it's a holiday. I hope he talks to her and reports back.

[Anonymous]

Valentines Day feels like a lot of pressure. I think people are reading too much into this. I think it is a stupid holiday and have never celebrated it.