Boyfriend’s sister keeps taking my belongings

[Anonymous]

When I was 23 and my (now) SIL was 17, she did the exact same thing.. except didn’t take small things. She took money a few times & car once. She mostly snuck alchohol. She did the same thing when caught.. would cry & beg for forgiveness. One day my MIL caught her drunk w/freinds, found out how she got the drinks, and ended up cancelling one of her senior activities as a consequence & it never happened again. She never did it maliciously, we’re best friends, but DH never excused what she did, and your boyfriend shouldn’t either. I’d talk with the parents & have a very serious conversation with your boyfriend about this.

[Anonymous]

What an odd family.

[Anonymous]

There’s no way for your relationship with your boyfriend to progress. You can’t share a home with him. He won’t deny his sister access to his home, even if he shares the home with you. You’ll either have to live with klepto-sis taking your stuff, or you’ll have to make him choose. Will he choose you? I’m guessing at best he’d say she can’t come over but he’d sneak her in when you’re not home, and that will let him prove to her he’s still loyal to her. It’ll be awkward for their parents. At some point they’ll all say she changed and expect you to trust her and allow her full access. If you have kids, can you imagine her hanging out with them for an afternoon? Would she steal from the museum gift shop when she takes them for an outing? I couldn’t deal with all that. It would be different if he were supportive and took a stand against her theft, but this is weird. I can’t imagine it’s the only issue you’re going to run into with that family.

[Anonymous]

This is why it’s dating. This is a huge red flag and move on before you get even more enmeshed. You may think he treats you well, but he isn’t, really.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible you may have given away or lent these items to someone else, or perhaps a few people, and the fact that you lent them (or even gave them away) has slipped your mind or just been forgotten? Could you have taken them to a Goodwill (either an official location or one of their dumpsters) or put our for "trash & treasures" in your local community? It can be easy to forget things like this, especially if you were listening to loud music at the time or had your mind on something else. If the sister in question is a first responder or veteran you could at least give her some grace and/or say "thank you for your service."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 23 and my (now) SIL was 17, she did the exact same thing.. except didn’t take small things. She took money a few times & car once. She mostly snuck alchohol. She did the same thing when caught.. would cry & beg for forgiveness. One day my MIL caught her drunk w/freinds, found out how she got the drinks, and ended up cancelling one of her senior activities as a consequence & it never happened again. She never did it maliciously, we’re best friends, but DH never excused what she did, and your boyfriend shouldn’t either. I’d talk with the parents & have a very serious conversation with your boyfriend about this.

17 is not 19.

What do you tell the parents crowd think they are going to do?

And odds are your sil is still stealing.

[Anonymous]

6-8 months in to a relationship is too early to be having sleepovers with his 19 year old sister - particularly if he won’t stand up to her and keep her in check.

Move on … his attitude of dismissing your feelings will not get better before it gets worse (if it ever gets better)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here — to clarify: I’ve addressed this with her multiple times, usually after items went missing, but she continued to do it. Each time she became defensive, denied it, and promised it wouldn’t happen again. When I confronted her about taking the drinks, she became very upset and cried, and I told her I would tell her parents that she stole drinks if she took drinks again. She has not taken drinks again since, but she continues to take other items. Most of what she takes are things I’ve left at my boyfriend’s place; I don’t let her be alone in my home anymore, so lately hasn’t taken anything from mine super recently. We’ve only been dating 7-8ish months.

I'd ask him to reimburse you for the cost of replacing each item she takes. So if she takes a coat, ask him to give you $200 to replace that coat because that's what it costs. He'll either start standing up for you with his sister, or at least feel the same pain. However it's pretty rude he isn't laying down the law with his sister about your belongings. I would break up with him over that, and tell him why.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the sister's height, relative to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to break up with him. He's minimizing theft of your stuff. He's minimizing how you feel about it. This will be your future. Imagine having kids with a man like that. Dump him and it solves the sister issue.

I was going to say break up but for different reasons. If you marry, she will always be in your life and doing this at every family gathering for the rest of your life. It sucks if you really love him, but unless he handles and ends in once and for all you will be dealing with this forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible you may have given away or lent these items to someone else, or perhaps a few people, and the fact that you lent them (or even gave them away) has slipped your mind or just been forgotten? Could you have taken them to a Goodwill (either an official location or one of their dumpsters) or put our for "trash & treasures" in your local community? It can be easy to forget things like this, especially if you were listening to loud music at the time or had your mind on something else. If the sister in question is a first responder or veteran you could at least give her some grace and/or say "thank you for your service."

Wut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not a kid. She will not grow out of stealing.
Break up. Get what stuff you can back first.
Don't let either in your home any more.
If you married she would steal credit cards, money, loot your house and her brother would let her.

She’s definitely grow and change a lot from now to 30.

Wut2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible you may have given away or lent these items to someone else, or perhaps a few people, and the fact that you lent them (or even gave them away) has slipped your mind or just been forgotten? Could you have taken them to a Goodwill (either an official location or one of their dumpsters) or put our for "trash & treasures" in your local community? It can be easy to forget things like this, especially if you were listening to loud music at the time or had your mind on something else. If the sister in question is a first responder or veteran you could at least give her some grace and/or say "thank you for your service."

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the sister's height, relative to you?

We’re both 5’4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6-8 months in to a relationship is too early to be having sleepovers with his 19 year old sister - particularly if he won’t stand up to her and keep her in check.

Move on … his attitude of dismissing your feelings will not get better before it gets worse (if it ever gets better)

This. Who on earth is dealing with this after only dating someone for 6-8 months? You two aren't engaged nor married. Zero obligation to put up with this.

Girl. Part ways with BOTH of them. ASAP.