Boyfriend’s sister keeps taking my belongings

[Anonymous]

If the family excuses this behavior, no one is going to listen to you regarding it, and only see you as the problem.

I'm guessing she spends so much time with you and her brother is because she has no other friends. Very probably due to her stealing.

I'm guessing she has a problem. She wants what she wants and has to take it. And the trait has never been controlled--perhaps because of the age difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I’m 25, my boyfriend is 27, and his 19 year old sister, who attends college in state often likes coming to mine or my boyfriend’s house on weekends.

We do have fun and generally get along but She very often borrows items of mine (mostly doesn’t bring them back) & takes things without permission. After a visit to my house, I noticed my coat missing; no one else had taken it (we wear the same size) and I later found out she took it. This isn’t isolated — she regularly takes my belongings without asking and doesn’t return them unless prompted, and there are multiple items she still hasn’t given back. If I leave anything she likes at my boyfriend’s house, she takes and uses it without permission. She’s taken my perfume (eventually returned, mostly used), some very nice shampoo/conditioner, and once took a bag without permission. She’s also taken an entire case of *alcoholic drinks without asking. When I’ve asked about these things, she lies. We’re currently on vacation with my boyfriend’s family since New Year’s Eve and this same behavior is happening on this trip.

I talked to my boyfriend about this, and he said this might just be a misunderstanding and to not make it a bigger issue because it’s not a very big deal. Im less upset about the items, than the pattern of taking things & lying. I’m don’t know how to handle this appropriately, whether this should be addressed with her, whether my boyfriend should be the one to handle it, or if his minimizing of this is the bigger concern and what I should do about it.

Troubling behavior. Maybe she idolizes you & wants to be like you. Regardless, she needs some therapy as stealing & lying are signs of underlying issues.

The boyfriend shouldn't tolerate or excuse this behavior. Weird family dynamic.

Sorry, but I have no advice beyond "Run Forrest Run !!!"

[Anonymous]

Guy here and you need to break up with your boyfriend, now.

[Anonymous]

She is not a kid. She will not grow out of stealing.
Break up. Get what stuff you can back first.
Don't let either in your home any more.
If you married she would steal credit cards, money, loot your house and her brother would let her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is not a kid. She will not grow out of stealing.
Break up. Get what stuff you can back first.
Don't let either in your home any more.
If you married she would steal credit cards, money, loot your house and her brother would let her.

She’s definitely grow and change a lot from now to 30.

[Anonymous]

My sister stole from me for a long time. Things disappeared from my house, and later I spotted them at her house.

She has issues. They got so bad I had to cut off contact years ago.

This is what you're looking at if your boyfriend doesn't have your back and won't control his sibling. I couldn't control my sister either, so I cut off contact.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your boyfriend’s sister could be a common klepto.

All kidding aside, she is definitely overstepping her boundaries along w/being hugely disrespectful regarding your personal property.

Have you directly discussed this issue w/her?
If not, I strongly advise that you do so in a civil manner of course & see if it helps.

If she still continues w/her behavior then you might ask your boyfriend to step in ➕ have a word w/his sister.
He should be willing to do so and his current reasoning that it is not a “big deal” is troubling because it IS a big deal imo.

He seems to be dismissive of this issue which doesn’t bode well for his treatment of you.
A good, decent man should advocate more for you in a situation like this.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

He's consistently defending you? Against what? He's not defending you against a situation he actually needs to defend you in. Why are you finding yourself in situations where he always has to protect and defend you?

Or, is this the class controlling boyfriend thing where he convinces you of situations like ..."oh your friend Emily is not a good friend at all. She's jealous and back stabbing. I'm just trying to look out for you. I just don't want you to get hurt".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not a kid. She will not grow out of stealing.
Break up. Get what stuff you can back first.
Don't let either in your home any more.
If you married she would steal credit cards, money, loot your house and her brother would let her.

She’s definitely grow and change a lot from now to 30.

People don't develop new personalities by the time they are 30. A thief at 19 will be a thief/liar at 30.

[Anonymous]

Not okay

[Anonymous]

This is a major red flag, and her family is enabling her.

This shows he doesn't stand up to her or set strong boundaries. She will end up having bigger issues that will become yours.

I personally would move on as he isn't going to bat and it will get worse with marriage, kids, and more complicated situations.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a klepto as a teen. Now at 42 I am not. I can't remember when or how this changed buy I am trustworthy now.

[Anonymous]

*but I am

[Anonymous]

I’d break up with all of them. In fact I would have done that the very first time he excused her stealing my stuff. After I get everything back. And yes tell the parents on the way out.

[Anonymous]

That little girl has issues.. you did the right thing by not letting her into your home alone, now just don't let her in at all. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, distance yourself from these people, I know you can do way better.