Stupid question about elite private high schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course everyone here says no but the answer is often yes. Not because they necessarily regret spending the money, though some do, but because the fixation on prestige and status that often accompanies private school attendance doesn’t suddenly vanish when the kids turn 18.

Just look at how nasty the fights turn on this site every year when the college acceptance threads start. Or the fixation with middling private colleges over better-ranked and more highly regarded public ones. Plenty of parents may not care or learn to live with where their kid is ending up, but plenty of others don’t.

Both things can also be true—you can send your kid to private for better environment/education, but can also be disappointed with the college outcome.

+1. I agree. If you care so much about “better” education, nice environment, access to peers for future networking, etc. then it makes no sense you’d suddenly NOT care about that for college, especially when you’ve invested half a million dollars to that end. Pretending you don’t care is part of justifying the choice or saving face.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Gonzaga is not an elite private high school. It's a good Catholic high school that admits a range of kids including some smart kids and some average kids who are legacies or athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think we send kids to private school for college placement?

College placement is not a great measure of education but it tracks with test scores and grades.

The instruction in critical thinking, writing, and problem solving are not the same. Standardized tests don't measure these very well but they matter for life outcome.

Furthermore, the friends and connections you form in high school matter. They can help land a first job, get that promotion, or help with life down the road.

I can offer a recent example. My son had a friend from high school who after college suddenly lost a job. With one phone call I got him an interview for his current job that more than doubled his salary.

Public school parents tend to focus on college outcome, while private school parents focus more on life outcome.

This! And we also focus on the high school experience itself. At my daughter’s high school there are excellent extracurricular opportunities, interesting coursework, varied field trips around the US, study abroad opportunities, interesting reading, writing and public speaking instruction, and easy access to teachers for any extra help.

I don’t want my children to attend a high school where they won’t even be able to use the bathroom when they need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think we send kids to private school for college placement?

College placement is not a great measure of education but it tracks with test scores and grades.

The instruction in critical thinking, writing, and problem solving are not the same. Standardized tests don't measure these very well but they matter for life outcome.

Furthermore, the friends and connections you form in high school matter. They can help land a first job, get that promotion, or help with life down the road.

I can offer a recent example. My son had a friend from high school who after college suddenly lost a job. With one phone call I got him an interview for his current job that more than doubled his salary.

Public school parents tend to focus on college outcome, while private school parents focus more on life outcome.

This! And we also focus on the high school experience itself. At my daughter’s high school there are excellent extracurricular opportunities, interesting coursework, varied field trips around the US, study abroad opportunities, interesting reading, writing and public speaking instruction, and easy access to teachers for any extra help.

I don’t want my children to attend a high school where they won’t even be able to use the bathroom when they need to.

Are your options really private school or inner city public school (not even an application school…just your local school)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter started in private in 3rd grade at an all-girl school. Looking back, I have no regrets spending the tuition money (55k this year). She was getting lost in the large class size in public. At some point during 2nd grade, she broke down in tears and confessed that she had not done her homework for over a month (and the teacher didn’t even notice!).

DD flourished in the new environment. She developed great executive functions skills (taught explicitly at school) and gained lots of confidence over time. Perhaps the biggest value added has been in developing writing skills. Math has been underwhelming, same as in most other private schools, at least until later in high school. As far as college is college, DD got accepted to a T10 school. I have no idea if she would have been accepted there from the local public. But I can confidently say that the organizational, writing, and communication skills acquired in private school are worth every penny.

I went to a top private and my kids go to public and THIS. This, this, this.

I don't think there is necessarily an advantage to college admissions from private. There may even be a disadvantage. The reason to pay for a private is to get that education for your kid and to be prepared once you GET to college. It's not about gaming the admissions .

[Anonymous]

Elite private schools have their own alumni networks so to some extent sending your kid to one of these takes the pressure off attending a tippy top college where one of the biggest benefits is the network and connections.

I have friends who went to schools like Andover and HW and then attended state schools or lesser ranked SLACs and it has not held them back at all. They are using their prep school contacts even decades later -- a friend of mine recently made partner at a NY law firm and if all you knew was his law school and college, you'd think he was mediocre, but he's an Andover grad as are a number of other partners at the same firm, and likely a lot of their clients. He works in finance and I don't think his college/law school have ever held him back (neither are bad schools, they just aren't the kind of elite schools you expect to find at a white shoe law firm in NY).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are parents really pissed if they spend $35k per year on an elite private high school, but their kid ends up at a 2nd tier or 3rd tier college (which likely could have been achieved had the kid just gone to a local public)?

I ask bc I frequently meet alums of Gonzaga and the like who went to college at, like, James Madison or something like that. Seems like a huge waste of honey on the parents’ part.

It really depends on where you live and what the available options are. When we lived in California - a very nice coastal community - the public schools weren't great, for all sorts of reasons. So we sent ours to private. When we moved to the DC area, we settled in the Whitman district, where the public schools are pretty good. Lots of smart kids. Good families. Nice community of people. College outcomes tend to be outstanding for the students that apply themselves. There was no reason to spend $110,000 per year for two kids to go to Sidwell or wherever. Both kids now go to top 20 colleges. Zero regrets about choosing public.

But you mentioned Gonzaga. Back in CA, our private school was Catholic. That is a whole world. And an elite college admission is a very peripheral goal. That is not the point of a Catholic education at all. It's about community and values. And I can totally see why families anywhere would choose a Catholic high school, even if the college outcomes aren't particularly remarkable. More often than not, you get a good young adult by choosing a Catholic high school, and that matters more in the end than an admission to Harvard or Yale.

[Anonymous]

Rich people make a mockery out of education and the ideals that America was founded on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich people make a mockery out of education and the ideals that America was founded on

Absolutely. ++

[Anonymous]

I bought a superior education, but more importantly, I bought a peer group and social currency.

Is that what you really wanted to know OP?

College admit is not the highest concern.

There is SO MUCH more to it than a top tier college admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are parents really pissed if they spend $35k per year on an elite private high school, but their kid ends up at a 2nd tier or 3rd tier college (which likely could have been achieved had the kid just gone to a local public)?

I ask bc I frequently meet alums of Gonzaga and the like who went to college at, like, James Madison or something like that. Seems like a huge waste of honey on the parents’ part.

Gonzaga isn’t “elite”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are parents really pissed if they spend $35k per year on an elite private high school, but their kid ends up at a 2nd tier or 3rd tier college (which likely could have been achieved had the kid just gone to a local public)?

I ask bc I frequently meet alums of Gonzaga and the like who went to college at, like, James Madison or something like that. Seems like a huge waste of honey on the parents’ part.

Gonzaga isn’t “elite”

The thread is muddled. Agree that Gonzaga isn’t elite, but then lots of people chime in that they don’t care if their kid attends an elite college, when the thread wasn’t about that either.

Go look at say Sidwell 25 grads. There is maybe just one kid going to Temple that is the equivalent of JMU (and one D1 recruit to ODU, but D1 athlete recruits are in their one bucket). That’s it…just one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter started in private in 3rd grade at an all-girl school. Looking back, I have no regrets spending the tuition money (55k this year). She was getting lost in the large class size in public. At some point during 2nd grade, she broke down in tears and confessed that she had not done her homework for over a month (and the teacher didn’t even notice!).

DD flourished in the new environment. She developed great executive functions skills (taught explicitly at school) and gained lots of confidence over time. Perhaps the biggest value added has been in developing writing skills. Math has been underwhelming, same as in most other private schools, at least until later in high school. As far as college is college, DD got accepted to a T10 school. I have no idea if she would have been accepted there from the local public. But I can confidently say that the organizational, writing, and communication skills acquired in private school are worth every penny.

I went to a top private and my kids go to public and THIS. This, this, this.

I don't think there is necessarily an advantage to college admissions from private. There may even be a disadvantage. The reason to pay for a private is to get that education for your kid and to be prepared once you GET to college. It's not about gaming the admissions .

There is definitely a disadvantage depending on the school. Both of my kids graduated from a HADES boarding school with no grade inflation whatsoever. No curving of grades, nothing. When a lot of colleges are expecting a 4.4 GPA, that's not exactly an advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course everyone here says no but the answer is often yes. Not because they necessarily regret spending the money, though some do, but because the fixation on prestige and status that often accompanies private school attendance doesn’t suddenly vanish when the kids turn 18.

Just look at how nasty the fights turn on this site every year when the college acceptance threads start. Or the fixation with middling private colleges over better-ranked and more highly regarded public ones. Plenty of parents may not care or learn to live with where their kid is ending up, but plenty of others don’t.

Both things can also be true—you can send your kid to private for better environment/education, but can also be disappointed with the college outcome.

+1. I agree. If you care so much about “better” education, nice environment, access to peers for future networking, etc. then it makes no sense you’d suddenly NOT care about that for college, especially when you’ve invested half a million dollars to that end. Pretending you don’t care is part of justifying the choice or saving face.

Exactly this.

No, you are missing the nuance. There are many important networking and business opportunities at schools that aren't "top" schools. Most top executives are NOT Ivy leaguers. But you have to have the social skills and peer group intros from private schools to make that process work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich people make a mockery out of education and the ideals that America was founded on

I think the rich people were the only people getting educated when America was founded.

You are aware that public funded education is basically a 20th century phenomenon right?