Stupid question about elite private high schools

[Anonymous]

Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think we send kids to private school for college placement?

College placement is not a great measure of education but it tracks with test scores and grades.

The instruction in critical thinking, writing, and problem solving are not the same. Standardized tests don't measure these very well but they matter for life outcome.

Furthermore, the friends and connections you form in high school matter. They can help land a first job, get that promotion, or help with life down the road.

I can offer a recent example. My son had a friend from high school who after college suddenly lost a job. With one phone call I got him an interview for his current job that more than doubled his salary.

Public school parents tend to focus on college outcome, while private school parents focus more on life outcome.

What makes you think public school parents can't make that same phone call? Around here everyone is well connected.

Haha thanks for the laugh. You can get lucky at public school but you increase your chances in private. For example, the networking you get from community college vs HBS is not the same.

That doesn’t make much sense because public schools vary significantly by demographics, so Langley is going to have a radically different set of parents vs Einstein.

The networking opportunities at UVA aren’t going to be the same as Harvard…but they should still be solid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think we send kids to private school for college placement?

College placement is not a great measure of education but it tracks with test scores and grades.

The instruction in critical thinking, writing, and problem solving are not the same. Standardized tests don't measure these very well but they matter for life outcome.

Furthermore, the friends and connections you form in high school matter. They can help land a first job, get that promotion, or help with life down the road.

I can offer a recent example. My son had a friend from high school who after college suddenly lost a job. With one phone call I got him an interview for his current job that more than doubled his salary.

Public school parents tend to focus on college outcome, while private school parents focus more on life outcome.

What makes you think public school parents can't make that same phone call? Around here everyone is well connected.

Haha thanks for the laugh. You can get lucky at public school but you increase your chances in private. For example, the networking you get from community college vs HBS is not the same.

That doesn’t make much sense because public schools vary significantly by demographics, so Langley is going to have a radically different set of parents vs Einstein.

The networking opportunities at UVA aren’t going to be the same as Harvard…but they should still be solid.

It makes sense, because public school is just not a consideration for the most successful families.

[Anonymous]

We sent both of our kids to one of the “elite”private schools. We think that education quality all depends on the teachers. There were two teachers in each classroom at elementary level and in some years they were both good, in some other years both were horrible. We tried to bring it up to the school management once, but they ignored our comments. In some public schools there are very dedicated teachers, but it is hard to find them out before having a kid in that school. I guess the best is to talk to a large pool of parents from different backgrounds to understand a school fully, either public or private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are parents really pissed if they spend $35k per year on an elite private high school, but their kid ends up at a 2nd tier or 3rd tier college (which likely could have been achieved had the kid just gone to a local public)?

I ask bc I frequently meet alums of Gonzaga and the like who went to college at, like, James Madison or something like that. Seems like a huge waste of honey on the parents’ part.

I don’t know. Are you pissed if you drop an extra $350k on a house in a specific school district only to have your kid end up at JMU? Plenty of Whitman kids end up at schools they could’ve gotten into from Gaithersburg HS I’m sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course everyone here says no but the answer is often yes. Not because they necessarily regret spending the money, though some do, but because the fixation on prestige and status that often accompanies private school attendance doesn’t suddenly vanish when the kids turn 18.

Just look at how nasty the fights turn on this site every year when the college acceptance threads start. Or the fixation with middling private colleges over better-ranked and more highly regarded public ones. Plenty of parents may not care or learn to live with where their kid is ending up, but plenty of others don’t.

Both things can also be true—you can send your kid to private for better environment/education, but can also be disappointed with the college outcome.

+1. I agree. If you care so much about “better” education, nice environment, access to peers for future networking, etc. then it makes no sense you’d suddenly NOT care about that for college, especially when you’ve invested half a million dollars to that end. Pretending you don’t care is part of justifying the choice or saving face.

I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you! Plenty of families (especially old money families) send their kid to elite private schools and they end up at very middling universities only to return and run the family business. This is quite common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

Really the only kids from elite private schools are legacy at elite colleges. We (unhooked non legacy people) know our odds at elite colleges are better through public. And yet we still choose private. Hmmm. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

this is honest. I am not sending my kid to private school "just for the experience" at this price point. Yes, I think the education is great, but yeah, I'm also hoping for a good college outcome. I would never send my kid "just for the experience" because it costs more than the median HHI of many families in this country to send two kids to private. It is a privilege to attend these schools and I hope my kids will make the most of it. Otherwise, it's not worth it, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

Really the only kids from elite private schools are legacy at elite colleges. We (unhooked non legacy people) know our odds at elite colleges are better through public. And yet we still choose private. Hmmm. . .

They aren’t actually, which is why you see like 40% of private school kids attending top 30 schools and easily 75% at top 50 schools.

This isn’t about elite colleges, but rather nobody expects their kid to be in the 25% that ends up at JMU or the equivalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

Really the only kids from elite private schools are legacy at elite colleges. We (unhooked non legacy people) know our odds at elite colleges are better through public. And yet we still choose private. Hmmm. . .

They aren’t actually, which is why you see like 40% of private school kids attending top 30 schools and easily 75% at top 50 schools.

This isn’t about elite colleges, but rather nobody expects their kid to be in the 25% that ends up at JMU or the equivalent.

Hahahahaha!! You’ve come down with a serious case of DCUM-pathetic shock syndrome. You know there is a cure for this affliction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course everyone here says no but the answer is often yes. Not because they necessarily regret spending the money, though some do, but because the fixation on prestige and status that often accompanies private school attendance doesn’t suddenly vanish when the kids turn 18.

Just look at how nasty the fights turn on this site every year when the college acceptance threads start. Or the fixation with middling private colleges over better-ranked and more highly regarded public ones. Plenty of parents may not care or learn to live with where their kid is ending up, but plenty of others don’t.

Both things can also be true—you can send your kid to private for better environment/education, but can also be disappointed with the college outcome.

+1. I agree. If you care so much about “better” education, nice environment, access to peers for future networking, etc. then it makes no sense you’d suddenly NOT care about that for college, especially when you’ve invested half a million dollars to that end. Pretending you don’t care is part of justifying the choice or saving face.

I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you! Plenty of families (especially old money families) send their kid to elite private schools and they end up at very middling universities only to return and run the family business. This is quite common.

This is a very small percentage of kids at DMV private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

Really the only kids from elite private schools are legacy at elite colleges. We (unhooked non legacy people) know our odds at elite colleges are better through public. And yet we still choose private. Hmmm. . .

Facts. But it’s also for the bumper sticker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are parents really pissed if they spend $35k per year on an elite private high school, but their kid ends up at a 2nd tier or 3rd tier college (which likely could have been achieved had the kid just gone to a local public)?

I ask bc I frequently meet alums of Gonzaga and the like who went to college at, like, James Madison or something like that. Seems like a huge waste of honey on the parents’ part.

I don’t know. Are you pissed if you drop an extra $350k on a house in a specific school district only to have your kid end up at JMU? Plenty of Whitman kids end up at schools they could’ve gotten into from Gaithersburg HS I’m sure.

I bet some people are pissed about the college outcomes, however, the extra $350k you spent on the house 18+ years ago in the Whitman school district is now worth like $700k, so hard to be particularly upset by the extra spent on the house. If home values had cratered, that would be a different answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the honest answer…nobody sending their kid to a top private expects their kid to attend a middling college unless they are an athlete in a revenue sport (in which case that middling college may be a top athletic school).

However, shit happens and some kids will end up at a middling college. Not much you can do about it other than support your kid.

Really the only kids from elite private schools are legacy at elite colleges. We (unhooked non legacy people) know our odds at elite colleges are better through public. And yet we still choose private. Hmmm. . .

They aren’t actually, which is why you see like 40% of private school kids attending top 30 schools and easily 75% at top 50 schools.

This isn’t about elite colleges, but rather nobody expects their kid to be in the 25% that ends up at JMU or the equivalent.

Hahahahaha!! You’ve come down with a serious case of DCUM-pathetic shock syndrome. You know there is a cure for this affliction.

Go look at the Sidwell Seniors 2025. 82 out of 105 are attending top 50 colleges (including two athletes attending non-top 50 D1 schools in the 23), so that's 78%. 50 out of 105 are attending top 20 schools (including Middlebury, Pomona and Davidson in the top 20 as they are top 20 SLACs), so 48%.

[Anonymous]

I’d be upset to have my kids in public school and think I had a good outcome just because my kid landed into a top college. These kids still had to sit through public school for K-12 with the class clowns, checked out teachers, low effort curriculum, and severe behavior kids. These parents have no idea what they missed out on in the better private schools for their kids. College is just four years and admissions has become somewhat of a lottery. K-12 is what sets kids up for success, not college. At that point it is too late.


Plenty of public school grads go to T10 colleges, don’t fit in or struggle, and move onto middle management type careers because they never were given the tools to succeed from public. Studying for 16 APs and trying to ace standardized tests doesn’t give you direction or real skills in life.