Do families host neighborhood parties anymore?

[Anonymous]

We do. It's fun! It can get expensive though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m throwing a party Saturday and will leave notes at my neighbors homes day of inviting them to come by. We moved in a few months ago so hope one or two will!

Day of?????? And you think people will come????

[Anonymous]

I live in a tiny shabby rowhouse and we have some kind of neighborhood gathering every month or two, but most of them are suuuuper casual and have a potluck element. Like a campfire with drinks and snacks and people also BYOB and a bag of chips, or a barbecue where the hosts have a main and a couple sides and everyone brings more food.

It helps that my neighbors ALSO live in tiny shabby rowhouses. I don't feel as comfortable about hosting the families of my kids' friends who live 10 minutes away in big beautiful houses. But your neighbors should have similar standards so pressure should be low!

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. Live in a neighborhood w a lot of wealth and big homes. My neighbors are not throwing big parties or group gatherings more than once or twice a year. It’s so strange to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's another thread on here where people look down on serving food from Costco at a party. In the social media age, I think people are more into hosting a "curated" party, which can seem like more effort than it's worth.
Also...we have more ways of connecting than we did before social media/text. Back then you saw each other in person or called on the phone. Now we're connected in so many other ways.

You can't post photos of your Costco spread on Insta. You need a jaw dropping charcuterie board, and signature cocktail with Rosemary sprigs to get those likes. And if you can't post your party on social, is there even a point to having a party?
Sigh..
Besides that the first question is always who will be there. Men especially seem to dislike parties that have anyone other than their closest bros there who they might get stuck talking to.

Why is this? I've noticed it too. When I was a kid, the dads would hang out with anyone. Now they sulk in a corner on their phone if their BFF isn't there, and that's if they even show up. We've tried to host so many family or couples events that turned into mostly ladies' nights because the men had all sorts of excuses.

How old are you? I'm 46 and our friend group is early 40's-early50's and none of the men I know are like this. In fact, they're often the planners of these events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Live in a neighborhood w a lot of wealth and big homes. My neighbors are not throwing big parties or group gatherings more than once or twice a year. It’s so strange to me.

How homogenous is your neighborhood in terms of ages of adults and kids? Our neighborhood has a ton of retired people, a ton of people with kids, and a ton of younger people without kids yet. Each group has subgroups but they all sort of operate independently. So while our friend group of about 15 families (with kids mostly 6-13 right now) does a ton of socializing, we're just doing it mostly with our group. About 2-3 times a year there will be a party that has people from each group, but the regular events are smaller in scale (by which I mean 10-25 people).

[Anonymous]

We moved into a new subdivision when it was getting built out. There are only 50 houses total, so most of the homeowners at least knew one another by seeing them around. This was about 10 years ago.

One neighbor always hosted an end of school and back to school party each year, which made sense for the age of the kids in the neighborhood. They were a ton of fun, but as the kids have gone off the college, less young kids in the neighborhood. This same neighbor does host a smaller Christmas get together that we go to.

Before COVID, we hosted a Christmas party every year that included many neighbors, but also many of our other friends as well.

Another neighbor will have at least one summer party each year - they have a great backyard for hosting - it's flat, nice pool, patio, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Live in a neighborhood w a lot of wealth and big homes. My neighbors are not throwing big parties or group gatherings more than once or twice a year. It’s so strange to me.

When you hosted, how many people came?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood does but I've learned from DCUM that we are the exception, not the rule...

We always have parties for:

NYE
Super Bowl
Easter
Memorial Day
July 4th
Labor Day
Halloween
Christmas (not on Christmas day, but in December)

Plus we have a lot of other parties throughout the year. Usually potluck, so we did an Oktoberfest in October and everyone brought German dishes, etc.

It's really nice because we don't have to leave the neighborhood, don't have to drive anywhere, and people can easily come and go as they please, plus it's easier with kids.

Is everyone invited or do you just invite friends that live in your neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood does but I've learned from DCUM that we are the exception, not the rule...

We always have parties for:

NYE
Super Bowl
Easter
Memorial Day
July 4th
Labor Day
Halloween
Christmas (not on Christmas day, but in December)

Plus we have a lot of other parties throughout the year. Usually potluck, so we did an Oktoberfest in October and everyone brought German dishes, etc.

It's really nice because we don't have to leave the neighborhood, don't have to drive anywhere, and people can easily come and go as they please, plus it's easier with kids.

Is everyone invited or do you just invite friends that live in your neighborhood?

I'm the PP and the parties are predominantly neighborhood-oriented. For the Memorial Day party that we throw, I also invite families from my kids' grade (they're twins), but since most of the families in our friend group send their kids to the same school, there is overlap there. I also attended a party the other day for female lawyers hosted in my neighborhood but there were women from outside the neighborhood as well. Mostly though, it's just neighborhood people. We have such a huge group with adults and kids that the numbers can get pretty high just within our group so we don't normally invite people outside to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since my kids have become teenagers we are just too busy with their activities, travel sports, social calendar and extra tutoring/ test prep to do things like neighborhood parties. My kids happiness and facilitating their success comes first, not entertaining the neighbors.

That’s great, but once they’re off to college you may come up for air and find that you have no friends.

She'll find out she has no friends because she sounds awful. Who would want to hang around her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like PP, I only invite wives and kids. This started because my now-ex was antisocial and a jerk, and the other men in the neighborhood only socialize with certain couples or are raging alcoholics. Or both.

I think people are really clannish these days and weird about going to a gathering of a broad group of people. They either want to socialize only with their closest friends from college or their giant extended family, or they want to be home with just their immediate family. It’s tough for people like me who have a small nuclear family and want to fill the house like the olden days.

I think modern invite expectations and evite/paperless post is also a problem. I throw parties with broad invitation lists, so it’s interesting to watch the RSVPs. If too many “randos” RSVP early on, more connected people or people with social capital will all reply no. When 1-2 people who are in key social groups say yes, the rest follow with a yes like sheep. It could be a coincidence but it’s happened too many times. I’ve tried hiding the invite list but then no one says yes.

I mean, why are you surprised by this? I am much more likely to go a friend's party if I know OTHER friends will be there. Because the host is normally very busy! So if it's a bunch if your random friends and my family, that's not fun. If it's just us and the host family, then I know the host won't be too busy to hang and I'd go. Knowing who to mix in well with a party is a KEY part to throwing a good party....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think standards have gotten so high in the social media Era that it feels too daunting.
My mom used to throw one of these for the neighbors. Ranging in age from early 30s with kids, to mid 80s. She would serve chex mix, ham pinwheels, homemade cookies and some beer and soda.
In 1999 this was a fine party but nowadays no one would want to go. Hang out with the elderly neighbors? No cocktails or hard liquor? Cheap unimpressive food?
My friend throws a party for just her girlfriends because everyone's husband including hers is so antisocial.
I know you're about to get a bunch of responses from people with "packed social calendars" but those are rich people. I'm speaking as a MC woman, 39.

I read this a few weeks ago, but it has really been on my mind. I can’t quite articulate it, but there has hardly been a day that goes by that I don’t think about this kind of change in how people think and behave in one context or another.

[Anonymous]

Was a thing in the 90s

Not anymore in my experience

[Anonymous]

People are just busy. More dual worker households, more hours working, longer commutes, more intense kid activities and those have long drives as well. My family is fairly low key (1 kid, no sports) and the gathering I just hosted occupied my entire month of January as this big extra thing to get ready for. Stressful!