Do families host neighborhood parties anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like PP, I only invite wives and kids. This started because my now-ex was antisocial and a jerk, and the other men in the neighborhood only socialize with certain couples or are raging alcoholics. Or both.

I think people are really clannish these days and weird about going to a gathering of a broad group of people. They either want to socialize only with their closest friends from college or their giant extended family, or they want to be home with just their immediate family. It’s tough for people like me who have a small nuclear family and want to fill the house like the olden days.

I think modern invite expectations and evite/paperless post is also a problem. I throw parties with broad invitation lists, so it’s interesting to watch the RSVPs. If too many “randos” RSVP early on, more connected people or people with social capital will all reply no. When 1-2 people who are in key social groups say yes, the rest follow with a yes like sheep. It could be a coincidence but it’s happened too many times. I’ve tried hiding the invite list but then no one says yes.

This is a very real thing when the folks who are invited can see who has RSVP'd "yes" or "no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do a high tea for the women in the neighborhood every so often. I am close friends with most of them and there is incredible amount of reciprocity with 70% of them. Then there are women who have never invited me back or have been friendly in any meaningful way. They just exist. Like starfish. 🙀

You mean "afternoon tea." If you are doing it this often, you might as well get the term right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think standards have gotten so high in the social media Era that it feels too daunting.
My mom used to throw one of these for the neighbors. Ranging in age from early 30s with kids, to mid 80s. She would serve chex mix, ham pinwheels, homemade cookies and some beer and soda.
In 1999 this was a fine party but nowadays no one would want to go. Hang out with the elderly neighbors? No cocktails or hard liquor? Cheap unimpressive food?
My friend throws a party for just her girlfriends because everyone's husband including hers is so antisocial.
I know you're about to get a bunch of responses from people with "packed social calendars" but those are rich people. I'm speaking as a MC woman, 39.

This. Standards have gone so high I can't afford them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are more comfortable now saying "no" to things that feel like obligations vs something they really want to do.

I do a get together with a few close friends. It's enjoyable with people I really like to spend time with instead of people who happen to live near me.

You are onto something here. But I think there is more to it -- I think that a casual neighborhood holiday get together will feel much more like just one more obligation these days than it used to, because everyone is stretched and overcommitted and exhausted. When I was a kid, this just wasn't the case the way it is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since my kids have become teenagers we are just too busy with their activities, travel sports, social calendar and extra tutoring/ test prep to do things like neighborhood parties. My kids happiness and facilitating their success comes first, not entertaining the neighbors.

😆😆 Complaining later when your kids have no time for you and you are lonely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's another thread on here where people look down on serving food from Costco at a party. In the social media age, I think people are more into hosting a "curated" party, which can seem like more effort than it's worth.
Also...we have more ways of connecting than we did before social media/text. Back then you saw each other in person or called on the phone. Now we're connected in so many other ways.

You can't post photos of your Costco spread on Insta. You need a jaw dropping charcuterie board, and signature cocktail with Rosemary sprigs to get those likes. And if you can't post your party on social, is there even a point to having a party?
Sigh..
Besides that the first question is always who will be there. Men especially seem to dislike parties that have anyone other than their closest bros there who they might get stuck talking to.

But if you DO have the audacity to post your modest event online, boy you are a b-word. Only your neighborhood ladies were invited to your small holiday gathering, and now all the people you know who don’t happen to live in your neighborhood are left out. Because you’re a Mean Girl, a Mean Girl, I tell you! How dare you post a picture of a casual gathering, knowing full well not everyone you ever met was invited?!

Yep. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since my kids have become teenagers we are just too busy with their activities, travel sports, social calendar and extra tutoring/ test prep to do things like neighborhood parties. My kids happiness and facilitating their success comes first, not entertaining the neighbors.

That’s great, but once they’re off to college you may come up for air and find that you have no friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are more comfortable now saying "no" to things that feel like obligations vs something they really want to do.

I do a get together with a few close friends. It's enjoyable with people I really like to spend time with instead of people who happen to live near me.

You are onto something here. But I think there is more to it -- I think that a casual neighborhood holiday get together will feel much more like just one more obligation these days than it used to, because everyone is stretched and overcommitted and exhausted. When I was a kid, this just wasn't the case the way it is now.

This is true. When I was a kid, the parents with the most high-powered jobs were still home at 6 pm to run soccer practice or show up at a dinner party. They might go into their office to do paperwork after bedtime, but no one was tethered to work 24 hours a day except certain parents who were doctors or our town's volunteer firefighters. It was always exciting when a pager went off during church, but even that was rare.

Even if people aren't truly working all the time, there's the feeling of being so drained by not being able to leave work behind that you just want to curl up alone and not deal with other people unless you're the rare extrovert. And extroverts now all flock together like some kind of social superclass rather than mixing naturally with the rest of us and pushing everyone else to be normal.

[Anonymous]

My neighborhood holiday party is at a nearby country club. And we have to pay to attend. So we don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood holiday party is at a nearby country club. And we have to pay to attend. So we don’t.

That sums up the problem. If no one reciprocates, people become afraid to spent the money or effort to host, and then everything turns into paying to socialize. It’s so depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's another thread on here where people look down on serving food from Costco at a party. In the social media age, I think people are more into hosting a "curated" party, which can seem like more effort than it's worth.
Also...we have more ways of connecting than we did before social media/text. Back then you saw each other in person or called on the phone. Now we're connected in so many other ways.

OP here. This comment may be, in fact, the reason. I’ve also whether seeing so much of each others’ lives on social media has killed the general desire to socialize with people we don’t know super well, because we already keep tabs on them via Facebook / Insta / X.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood holiday party is at a nearby country club. And we have to pay to attend. So we don’t.

That sums up the problem. If no one reciprocates, people become afraid to spent the money or effort to host, and then everything turns into paying to socialize. It’s so depressing.

As someone who has hosted four neighborhood parties for 35+ people (parents and kids) on our block in as many years, with only three other houses ever reciprocating for the group, I can tell you I’m going to stop hosting this year. Too much effort that isn’t converting into friendship / helping each other out consistently.

We’re skipping the pay-to-attend neighborhood event at the local country club now, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's another thread on here where people look down on serving food from Costco at a party. In the social media age, I think people are more into hosting a "curated" party, which can seem like more effort than it's worth.
Also...we have more ways of connecting than we did before social media/text. Back then you saw each other in person or called on the phone. Now we're connected in so many other ways.

Sure feels that way. And our homes are bigger & farther apart (for those of us in outer burbs).
The problem is that none of those other ways are as meaningful or immediate as in person gatherings/get togethers

Yep. That’s exactly why people are lonelier now than ever.

[Anonymous]

We do. Small neighborhood, various age ranges of the couples and kids.

Halloween, Friendsgiving, a made up holiday in January, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up in MoCo, we probably went to 5-10 neighborhood parties a year.

Now with my own children in MoCo, there has been 2-3 a year — and almost always outdoors.

Did COVID change things so much that people don’t want to have neighborhood parties anymore?

And do most people not want to entertain big groups at home, despite having big houses?

Wondering if this is just our neighborhood or more commonplace now.

Do you host?