How can DH and I reconnect after 24 years of marriage and a large family.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you can see, the dcum community is having a hard time getting past the fact that you have 11 children; it’s an anomaly here. You could leave that detail out and repost, because your question is relevant to all of us. Although you did get some meaningful advice.

Is your husband military? And are you religious? I think I recall you posting many years ago. I may have asked you on the last thread but never checked back. I remember a poster who had many kids and talked glowingly about her physical/se*ual connection with her husband. I was jealous at the time because with just TWO young ones, I was struggling in that area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to connect just like you can't actually care for 11 children in any meaningful way. You are a farm with animals not human beings. You can't actually get divorced so yeah.

Ok, aside from my snarkiness. The only realistic chance you have is virtual therapy and requiring your oldest to watch the kids to escape. It doesn't actually change your reality which is you had too many kids and your expectations of your time.

This is harsh to read. But ehhhh true.

Also don’t believe for one minute that w 11 kids OP is in Tailand.

Nonetheless same dead bedroom awaits you both when you return.

I don’t believe it either. What mom with that many elementary aged kids can start to prioritize couple time in December, when every day is a class party or show. Plus the teens. I don’t even think a couple with 11 kids deserves date nights. The kids are already attention deprived.

Exactly!
No one human is equipped to handle 11 kids but their parents.

Grandparents are also probably too old

If they had a nanny OP wouldn’t be here looking g for cheap ways to reconnect.

But ok..

[Anonymous]

Daily walks together...with no kids.

Find a time every day (maybe after the younger ones go to bed, but whenever works for you) and go for a short (10-15 minute) walk around the neighborhood.

You can use the walks to talk about marriage issues or kids issues or logistics, but you can also just spend time together and comment on the weather or world events, or why the neighbors thought that was a good color for their new front door.

It has made a huge huge huge difference in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

how about having sex while using birth control? get your tubes tied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to connect just like you can't actually care for 11 children in any meaningful way. You are a farm with animals not human beings. You can't actually get divorced so yeah.

Ok, aside from my snarkiness. The only realistic chance you have is virtual therapy and requiring your oldest to watch the kids to escape. It doesn't actually change your reality which is you had too many kids and your expectations of your time.

This is harsh to read. But ehhhh true.

Also don’t believe for one minute that w 11 kids OP is in Tailand.

Nonetheless same dead bedroom awaits you both when you return.

I don’t believe it either. What mom with that many elementary aged kids can start to prioritize couple time in December, when every day is a class party or show. Plus the teens. I don’t even think a couple with 11 kids deserves date nights. The kids are already attention deprived.

Exactly!
No one human is equipped to handle 11 kids but their parents.

Grandparents are also probably too old

If they had a nanny OP wouldn’t be here looking g for cheap ways to reconnect.

But ok..

Don’t they usually follow the Dugger method? Older kids get the honor of raising the younger ones while the adults keep breeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how about having sex while using birth control? get your tubes tied.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daily walks together...with no kids.

Find a time every day (maybe after the younger ones go to bed, but whenever works for you) and go for a short (10-15 minute) walk around the neighborhood.

You can use the walks to talk about marriage issues or kids issues or logistics, but you can also just spend time together and comment on the weather or world events, or why the neighbors thought that was a good color for their new front door.

It has made a huge huge huge difference in my marriage.

Yeah NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good job, OP! Hope you have an amazing trip! I’m jealous of the 11 kids by mid-40s! We have 4 and in early 40s, don’t think we can catch up! Hahaha! Have fun!

I also have four and agree that 11 Kids is a beautiful blessing. Even if some children fail to launch, there are still plenty of others who will grow up to be successful adults. The children will always have each other, and parents will have a lot of support when they become elderly. They are just in their mid-40s, and since their oldest children are already in their 20s, they will be young grandparents who will watch their grandchildren grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to connect just like you can't actually care for 11 children in any meaningful way. You are a farm with animals not human beings. You can't actually get divorced so yeah.

Ok, aside from my snarkiness. The only realistic chance you have is virtual therapy and requiring your oldest to watch the kids to escape. It doesn't actually change your reality which is you had too many kids and your expectations of your time.

This is harsh to read. But ehhhh true.

Also don’t believe for one minute that w 11 kids OP is in Tailand.

Nonetheless same dead bedroom awaits you both when you return.

I don’t believe it either. What mom with that many elementary aged kids can start to prioritize couple time in December, when every day is a class party or show. Plus the teens. I don’t even think a couple with 11 kids deserves date nights. The kids are already attention deprived.

Exactly!
No one human is equipped to handle 11 kids but their parents.

Grandparents are also probably too old

If they had a nanny OP wouldn’t be here looking g for cheap ways to reconnect.

But ok..

Don’t they usually follow the Dugger method? Older kids get the honor of raising the younger ones while the adults keep breeding.

That literally has to suck!