He wants to buy us a place for our kid free time.

[Anonymous]

These responses 🤨

It tickles me how many women are so quick to be baby mommas for men they aren’t married to and will never marry them but urge extreme caution about a man buying you a house.

Accept his love.

Make it clear that you can’t afford to chip in and it has to be in a price range where you could at least afford to maintain the taxes and upkeep if anything happened. Not sure how old you two are or if that’s even a consideration right now could be decades away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds amazing. Go for it! But get a handle on the ground rules first.

Zero rules for a place that’s not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses 🤨

It tickles me how many women are so quick to be baby mommas for men they aren’t married to and will never marry them but urge extreme caution about a man buying you a house.

Accept his love.

Make it clear that you can’t afford to chip in and it has to be in a price range where you could at least afford to maintain the taxes and upkeep if anything happened. Not sure how old you two are or if that’s even a consideration right now could be decades away

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses 🤨

It tickles me how many women are so quick to be baby mommas for men they aren’t married to and will never marry them but urge extreme caution about a man buying you a house.

Accept his love.

Make it clear that you can’t afford to chip in and it has to be in a price range where you could at least afford to maintain the taxes and upkeep if anything happened. Not sure how old you two are or if that’s even a consideration right now could be decades away

Read again. He's buying a house for himself

[Anonymous]

OP, how much do you really know about this man's divorce that isn't his self-serving account? Have you seen any actual evidence? Because your statement that his ex is the problem suggests that you're very naïve. This man is proposing that you guys get into a financial entanglement that Ray Charles could see is ill-advised. He sounds like someone who sets up drama, consciously or unconsciously, and is playing out pathological issues. Maybe you're the same. Something in both of you wasn't satisfied with the drama of your last divorce and needs more.

In a year or two, you're going to be back here with a terrible account of how the property was wrested from you in spite of his promises or how you're struggling to make payments to save your credit after he quit on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a sex pad where he doesn’t have to take you out anymore and you’ll start giving him the comfort of home. Will you be on the title?

This. This. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do you really know about this man's divorce that isn't his self-serving account? Have you seen any actual evidence? Because your statement that his ex is the problem suggests that you're very naïve. This man is proposing that you guys get into a financial entanglement that Ray Charles could see is ill-advised. He sounds like someone who sets up drama, consciously or unconsciously, and is playing out pathological issues. Maybe you're the same. Something in both of you wasn't satisfied with the drama of your last divorce and needs more.

In a year or two, you're going to be back here with a terrible account of how the property was wrested from you in spite of his promises or how you're struggling to make payments to save your credit after he quit on you.

No, I think you and PP 5:20 are misunderstanding. He's buying the house himself and will be the sole owner. If something tragic happened, his kids would inherit the house. If they broke up, he would keep the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do you really know about this man's divorce that isn't his self-serving account? Have you seen any actual evidence? Because your statement that his ex is the problem suggests that you're very naïve. This man is proposing that you guys get into a financial entanglement that Ray Charles could see is ill-advised. He sounds like someone who sets up drama, consciously or unconsciously, and is playing out pathological issues. Maybe you're the same. Something in both of you wasn't satisfied with the drama of your last divorce and needs more.

In a year or two, you're going to be back here with a terrible account of how the property was wrested from you in spite of his promises or how you're struggling to make payments to save your credit after he quit on you.

No, I think you and PP 5:20 are misunderstanding. He's buying the house himself and will be the sole owner. If something tragic happened, his kids would inherit the house. If they broke up, he would keep the house.

OP needs to come back and clarify this, assuming it isn't a troll. What she wrote is: "He approached me last week and told me that he'd like to buy us a city place as a home base for us for when we don't have the kids." The mention of "us" suggest that even if he is footing the bill, it is intended to be their place, as in she is on the title and is a co-owner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do you really know about this man's divorce that isn't his self-serving account? Have you seen any actual evidence? Because your statement that his ex is the problem suggests that you're very naïve. This man is proposing that you guys get into a financial entanglement that Ray Charles could see is ill-advised. He sounds like someone who sets up drama, consciously or unconsciously, and is playing out pathological issues. Maybe you're the same. Something in both of you wasn't satisfied with the drama of your last divorce and needs more.

In a year or two, you're going to be back here with a terrible account of how the property was wrested from you in spite of his promises or how you're struggling to make payments to save your credit after he quit on you.

No, I think you and PP 5:20 are misunderstanding. He's buying the house himself and will be the sole owner. If something tragic happened, his kids would inherit the house. If they broke up, he would keep the house.

OP needs to come back and clarify this, assuming it isn't a troll. What she wrote is: "He approached me last week and told me that he'd like to buy us a city place as a home base for us for when we don't have the kids." The mention of "us" suggest that even if he is footing the bill, it is intended to be their place, as in she is on the title and is a co-owner.

Good point, I guess it could be either way. I think I just interpreted "for us" as meaning she'll spend time and keep belongings there, not that he'd be buying it with her legally/financially, because I think it's nuts to do that when you're just dating and haven't even met each other's kids yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a sex pad where he doesn’t have to take you out anymore and you’ll start giving him the comfort of home. Will you be on the title?

This. This. This.

Another this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't the same posted last week from the woman's POV?

+1 yes, but the responses were completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s paying?

Him. He makes almost 40x what I do.

Oh gosh, I just saw this, I'm the PP. Then you need to remember that "we" aren't buying anything. HE is buying a place. And you can hang out there a lot. Maybe he'll even give you a key. But it's HIS house, not "our" house. Be CRYSTAL clear about that. Do not put forward one penny of money and do not make decisions about it.

PP to add - there can be a month to month rental agreement between the two of you if he wants you to chip in, but that also needs to be in writing and clear it's a rental. You have no stake in this place.

Ummmm no. Assert that this is a gift to you and you own it

Nope! She doesn't own it.

[Anonymous]

I have not read this thread just the very beginning.

He is buying it? Go for it. I don't see any issue. I think this is a perfect scenario until kids are grown (or for me, forever). I am a divorced woman with two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think longterm this relationship won't work, but if short term he wants to buy/rent a condo downtown for you guys to live in during kid free days so you can have more fun and enjoy life more, sure, cool, that sounds nice. Enjoy it while it lasts.

There is no way the level of compartmentalization you are currently doing is going to work long term, especially given the age of your children (10+ more years of parenting for both of you, your kids will only get more opinionated and challenging from here on out), and the apparent dysfunction with each of your respective exes.

I have been divorced 6 years and I completely disagree. This literally sounds like the PERFECT scenario to me. My kids are not involved in my dating life and never will be. A separate place just for the dating adults on non-kid time is perfect. Yes, it can last for a decade.

[Anonymous]

Essentially he is just moving to another place, he is just letting you know, right?