He wants to buy us a place for our kid free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP states he’s buying it. A kid-free pied-a-terre. Sounds wonderful! Go for it!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve been together 18+ months and haven’t even met the others children?

I’d tell him he can buy whatever he wants. Don’t mingle finances with this person.

Actually, OP is smart. There is no reason to meet each other's kids. This is really the best situation as is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do you really know about this man's divorce that isn't his self-serving account? Have you seen any actual evidence? Because your statement that his ex is the problem suggests that you're very naïve. This man is proposing that you guys get into a financial entanglement that Ray Charles could see is ill-advised. He sounds like someone who sets up drama, consciously or unconsciously, and is playing out pathological issues. Maybe you're the same. Something in both of you wasn't satisfied with the drama of your last divorce and needs more.

In a year or two, you're going to be back here with a terrible account of how the property was wrested from you in spite of his promises or how you're struggling to make payments to save your credit after he quit on you.

No, I think you and PP 5:20 are misunderstanding. He's buying the house himself and will be the sole owner. If something tragic happened, his kids would inherit the house. If they broke up, he would keep the house.

OP needs to come back and clarify this, assuming it isn't a troll. What she wrote is: "He approached me last week and told me that he'd like to buy us a city place as a home base for us for when we don't have the kids." The mention of "us" suggest that even if he is footing the bill, it is intended to be their place, as in she is on the title and is a co-owner.

Good point, I guess it could be either way. I think I just interpreted "for us" as meaning she'll spend time and keep belongings there, not that he'd be buying it with her legally/financially, because I think it's nuts to do that when you're just dating and haven't even met each other's kids yet.

Yes, it's a set up for major headaches and even a legal battle down the road. Normal people can see this, but I have learned that pathological people will always sow the seeds of chaos for themselves. Something in them needs that appeal and gets to work immediately once they're out of the previous drama. This man married to a lesbian, which is a situation that was guaranteed to end badly, and is now proposing to share a property, either legally or by creating expectation that can lead to legal proceedings, with a woman he's not married to. Gee, what are the odds that will end well?

Everything in my bones says this is the kind of man who goes from chaos to chaos. OP might very well be subconsciously attracted to men like that, or maybe she just has not learned good judgment and will continue to suffer until she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses 🤨

It tickles me how many women are so quick to be baby mommas for men they aren’t married to and will never marry them but urge extreme caution about a man buying you a house.

Accept his love.

Make it clear that you can’t afford to chip in and it has to be in a price range where you could at least afford to maintain the taxes and upkeep if anything happened. Not sure how old you two are or if that’s even a consideration right now could be decades away

I think you're smart enough to figure out that the people who advocate for childbearing without marriage are NOT the same people who advise against sharing a property without being married.

Ask yourself why you conflate accepting a man's love with letting him set you up in a situation that will undoubtedly end badly.

[Anonymous]

Divorced mom here. There is such a difference btw casually dating, being in a serious enough relationship that he is considering purchasing a property for your convenience, introducing your kids to someone you are in a serious relationship with, and blending families. It is possible to introduce your kids to someone, talk to them about your relationship, they see that person maybe once/wk. That doesnt automatically mean you are blending families. You can introduce your kids to his kids and maybe get them together once/month or so and that doesnt mean you are blending families.

I havent introduced my kids to anyone I have dated but I did think about it with someone I dated for about a year, we discussed it a few times. That said, I felt so strange being so intimate with someone yet they have not only never met the most important people in my life but have never met “mom me”. I didnt feel like a true partner tbh bc of that.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a great idea if he will be paying for it.

Well in theory.
But is it practical?
I am assuming that you both are currently spending your kidfree time together…..either at your home or his.

Can’t you do the things that you mentioned w/the current setup??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Essentially he is just moving to another place, he is just letting you know, right?

Right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s paying?

Him. He makes almost 40x what I do.

Oh gosh, I just saw this, I'm the PP. Then you need to remember that "we" aren't buying anything. HE is buying a place. And you can hang out there a lot. Maybe he'll even give you a key. But it's HIS house, not "our" house. Be CRYSTAL clear about that. Do not put forward one penny of money and do not make decisions about it.

So what. It actually makes things easier. I bought plenty of stuff when before we go married, that I leggally owned, it was always our stuff and I never looked at it any other way than that.