DS upset about loans

[Anonymous]

This is why we aren't targeting private schools that don't offer much (or any) merit aid. We can afford full pay but our bigger concern is the rich kid-low income/full ride dynamic. It just seems...odd. I don't think it's as much of an issue at private schools that offer lots of merit aid. We are also targeting state schools - we are in-state in VA but also willing to look at other highly rated state schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have Parent PLUS loans? As others have mentioned there's a a roughly 5k federal limit for students. Our kids aren't in college yer, but we're in a similar boat. We haven't decided on an amount, but they know we're not paying 90-100k a year. We're thinking somewhere between 50-70k and then paying whatever the increase is for each year. But we won't sign parent PLUS loans so they won't end up with too much debt if they go somewhere more expensive.

I'm surprised your son feels this way unless he went to a school like Sidwell or Potomac where no discussion of cost takes place. It's pretty common for parents in even places like Bethesda or Arlington to make their kids go in-state, especially if they get in somewhere like UMD or UVA. If he keeps complaining or is really struggling financially, suggest he consider transferring to a cheaper school. He may be resentful, but try to keep a positive relationship.

The point here is that it was on the parent to refuse to sign the loan. Your kid can't MAKE you sign. Parents need to have a frank discussion with their kids about college costs and what working while studying entails.

I doubt that OP had that conversation with her son, and I fault the parent for being blinded by the expensive university in question and simply assuming that their kid would be fine working their butt off.

It's really hard to get good grades AND work, BTW. I feel sympathetic towards the kid. Personally, I would never have signed a loan. I only allow colleges I can afford for my kids, and I don't intend that they ever pay me back for the cost of their education.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll.

He can't take out more than 5700 per year in loans in his own name. Any more after that, it's a private loan you'd have to cosign for so it's your loan, too.

[Anonymous]

Our UMC kid is full pay at a private. We’re comfortable but frugal. Their high school friends at public in-state universities have a lot more money to spend on extras like eating out, nice off campus apartments, Greek life costs, cars, etc. which makes sense. We told our kid up front (and remind them when needed) that they chose to attend a private college and need to accept the lifestyle compromises that comes with that. They don’t have a car, eat mostly in the dining hall, are living in the dorms, and didn’t rush for a sorority/fraternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell him I’d give him a pass for saying this Thanksgiving of freshman year but that would be the last time-after that I’d expect him to show more maturity and perspective about his “bad luck.”

This is good advice. I don't think this situation is specific to college tuition - it will come up throughout life. I think the function of the complaints is sometimes to explore whether parents will feel bad and cough up a little more money. Acknowledging that he wishes he had more money and then setting a boundary on complaints and letting him know that he's welcome to look for solutions on his own is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Can he earn money for takeout, shopping, going out during the summers or get a part-time job? If that’s what’s bothering him, then he needs to take care of that on his own. Lots of college kids have to pay for extras like eating out, going out, etc. on their own, even if the parents are paying most of the tuition.

[Anonymous]

I was on financial aid in college and we were required to work during the year and definitely they didn’t budget for stuff like eating out (just the college meal plan). It was irritating because the meal plan food was sooooo bad and all the rich kids just ordered in food every night and I was literally hungry a lot. But I still didn’t complain to my parents because I had asked to go to that school, and I found friends who were like me whose parents weren’t paying for the nightly pizza or Thai food order. (We were psyched for 25 cent ramen noodles, and we all had jobs 8-10 hours per week).

I would have a hard convo with him and say — look, this is what we can afford without compromising our retirement. Trust us, you do not want us to be a burden on YOU in retirement and we are trying to avoid that. If you have regrets about this school, you can look into transferring to a state school that would be more in our budget. That has to be your choice — it’s your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he earn money for takeout, shopping, going out during the summers or get a part-time job? If that’s what’s bothering him, then he needs to take care of that on his own. Lots of college kids have to pay for extras like eating out, going out, etc. on their own, even if the parents are paying most of the tuition.

Yeah, my nephews got full tuition paid at the in state school and work all summer, breaks, and during the school year to pay for everything else. And they are in challenging majors. There both managed to find really good jobs in a high tip venue — which they were able to do since they’ve been working since they were 16 and are reliable, hard workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.

HE IS. By working to reimburse his parents, who were foolish enough to take out a bloody loan for a too-expensive college.

Again, for the morons in the back. It's not the student who can take out loans. It's the parents.

This is OP's fault entirely from start to finish. SHE signed the loan document.

Where does it say he's paying the whole amount back to his parents?

OP said loans were taken out and that they're only paying 70K out of 90K. He's upset about needing to work. Can you put two and two together???

PP said the son is paying the whole thing, which would be $90k+ per year. He's not paying anywhere close to that. Spoiled and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Even if the parents paid the full tuition, he would still not have money for extras. I suspect he is more upset about no money for extras than he is for the loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?

He seems to have very smart instincts, against debt. The simple answer here is he should transfer to a school that costs what you can afford and not take on debt. I wonder if there's more to this story, if parents are the ones who want him to go to this school because it's high ranked. Why was he pushed to accept here, when he had reasonable reservations about taking on 80k debt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is so out of touch: you made a bad financial decision? The solution isn’t a bail out from your parents. I wish there were some normal people here.

Indeed. Hopefully it’s an employable major — for context, the median salary for a liberal arts degree is about $52K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obvious troll post. Can't believe everyone responded.

If it is a troll post, what's the intention? Laugh at poor people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's the parents who sign loans. Students are barred from getting loans of more than 5-6K a year. The difference between what parents are paying and sticker price is about 20K. So obviously it's OP who took out the loan.


Ergo


OP is responsible for this situation.

OK, you’ve posted repeatedly about that. Shush!

[Anonymous]

I had the choice:

In-state paid in full by my parents or any school I wanted with them only contributing what they would for in-state tuition. In your scenario today’s prices that would be about $40k out of $90k.

My dad explained loans, etc. I chose in-state.

I now pay $92k each for both my kids’ Ivy education. We aren’t taking loans. It sure ain’t cheap, but I’m now more well-off than my parents were and we can swing it.