Is there any scenario where it's not okay for male/female friends to hang out when they are in relationships?

[Anonymous]

I’m a married woman with children. I’m not hanging out with anyone “regularly.” Now, when I do see friends, sometimes it’s with my spouse/kids, sometimes not. It makes no difference in whether or not that makes our interactions “appropriate.” Some of my closest friends are opposite sex. There’s nothing about our genitalia that would make an interaction “inappropriate” if done with same-sex friends. You all need to enjoy your freedoms while we still have them.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you don't have to share a gender to be friends but you also don't have to feel the need to often hang out alone with an opposite gender friend if both of you aren't single. There is a reason infidelity rates are so high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have close friends of the opposite sex that I hang out with on any sort of regular basis. Nor do any of my close female friends. That would be weird if you’re married, come on.

I have a few guy friends who I text with occasionally - mostly on larger friend text chains and occasionally off the main chain- but I’m not having a lot of one on one time with them.

It's not weird. You don't have to like it but I am a woman and I've always had close male friends and some of my female friends are the same. We're mostly in male-dominated industries and frankly just get along well with men.

If you don't want to do it, then don't. But you don't get to call people with healthy relationships "weird."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why put yourself in vulnerable situations? Human feelings are complex and confusing. Do it in groups, not as couples, unless you are dating.

PP exactly. My dh isn’t going to freak if a guy friend from my college friend circle is in town and we meet up for a drink for an hour or two. But maybe once a year at most. I would not ever make this a regular thing. No way. It would be disrespectful to both our partners

How is it disrespectful if you're not doing anything wrong?

[Anonymous]

To answer OP’s question, I’d say the nude spa in Germany from the other thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have close friends of the opposite sex that I hang out with on any sort of regular basis. Nor do any of my close female friends. That would be weird if you’re married, come on.

I have a few guy friends who I text with occasionally - mostly on larger friend text chains and occasionally off the main chain- but I’m not having a lot of one on one time with them.

I think lots of people are telling you it's not weird and their spouses don't find it weird. "Come on" is not a particularly convincing argument.

Neither is other people saying it's not weird it's an equivalent to a teen saying " but all my friends parents let them"

Lots of people who are married flirt.

Lots of people who are married have work spouses.

Lots of people who are married have affairs.

Lots of people doing it doesn't make it not weird or wrong.

What's wrong with either of these? You sound like a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have close friends of the opposite sex that I hang out with on any sort of regular basis. Nor do any of my close female friends. That would be weird if you’re married, come on.

I have a few guy friends who I text with occasionally - mostly on larger friend text chains and occasionally off the main chain- but I’m not having a lot of one on one time with them.

I think lots of people are telling you it's not weird and their spouses don't find it weird. "Come on" is not a particularly convincing argument.

My friends would find it odd. We all have tons of same sex friendships. We don’t need to hang with married men. Tbh I think people who can’t cultivate friendships with same sex friends likely have other issues.

My best friends are all women but I also have a lot of close male friends. I have no issues bonding with women, but I also have no issues hanging out with men in a platonic way. I find it odd that you and your friends can't do that. I think you guys are the ones with other issues. I mean, seriously, ask yourself - why can't you spend time with a man without sleeping with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my perspective it is only ok if you are gay. Hanging out alone with a member of the sex you are attracted to seems to create problems of commission and/or omission, so it is best to avoid those situations. You can still have and maintain those relationships, but without excluding your spouse.

How little self control do you possess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and no man ever wanted to just hang out with me as a friend. They would suggest moving it to intimate direction. Also, I tried to "friend zone" men I dated and they all declined saying "we can't be friends after all that happened sexually".

How are all these women able to keep men strictly as friends?

Um because we have NEVER slept with them and never would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my perspective it is only ok if you are gay. Hanging out alone with a member of the sex you are attracted to seems to create problems of commission and/or omission, so it is best to avoid those situations. You can still have and maintain those relationships, but without excluding your spouse.

Do you realize that people of the opposite sex work and interact together every day often having lunch together? I spend more of my waking hours with male colleagues than I do with my husband. Some of these guys I classify as friends. A mature adult can handle it, but maybe a Stepford wife can not.

For gods sakes, no one’s suggesting the occasional lunch or business related socializing is a huge issue. Don’t be daft.

Yes, they literally are. Don't be daft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with your presumption about what the accepted standard is.

If I am in an exclusive relationship, no, I am not okay with him going one on one to the movies, dinner, etc. That's called a DATE.

No it's not because there is no romantic piece of the evening. A male friend and I want to see a movie that his wife and my husband have no interest in seeing so we're going to get dinner after work and go see it. It's not a date because we're not going to be canoodling during the movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now DH has a friend who is a girl and once I came home and they were watching a movie together on a couch. Curtains drawn, under (separate) blankets. At one time he had told me he was surprised the two of them had never hooked up.

I told him I was not ok with the situation and he understood. They still hang out occasionally (usually with spouses now) but in public.

So they had a romantic interest in each other, that's a different situation. Do you know how many of my friend's husbands I have a romantic interest in? None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously you don't have to share a gender to be friends but you also don't have to feel the need to often hang out alone with an opposite gender friend if both of you aren't single. There is a reason infidelity rates are so high.

Actually, people who are capable of having platonic relationships with friends of the opposite sex are not any more likely to cheat on their spouse. Do you really think most people who cheat are doing so with their good friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my perspective it is only ok if you are gay. Hanging out alone with a member of the sex you are attracted to seems to create problems of commission and/or omission, so it is best to avoid those situations. You can still have and maintain those relationships, but without excluding your spouse.

How little self control do you possess?

I have plenty. I just know a lot of people well enough to not trust their intentions or self control. When burns from a fire happen, fire is involved. You can have a fire responsibly and play with fire without getting burnt, but eventually you will get burnt if you play with fire.

Married partners that flirt or are emotionally engaged with outside parties, prioritize different things than me. It doesn’t make me weak to protect my marriage, it’s harder than you think.

[Anonymous]

Most of my career has been working with men who are good guys. I’ve traveled with plenty of them and that includes having dinner with them. It’s no big deal. Yes, I’ve been hit on a couple of times but not by guys I work with. My husband has some female friends and it’s never been an issue for me. We have a very good marriage and that’s the key.