This is totally reasonable right?

[Anonymous]

This one instance is not a big deal. But the scorecard adds up, and people don’t addd accurately.

But you should make an effort to make extra small helps for your stepchildren. Do extra things for them that they will appreciate. Not things that are (only) invisible sacrifices for you, because kids won’t notice that, but you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

He’s not my stepchild, so referring him to him on that way wouldn’t make sense. I was struggling to figure out a way to refer to him, and someone else used that phrasing.

I wish I had given both kids fake names in the OP, but given that so many people don’t read every post, I feel like doing that later doesn’t work.

I don’t feel contempt for him. I love him, but I acknowledge that I love the kid I raised from birth more, and that makes it challenging because I try to be really careful to be fair.

This is something I don’t think I would hesitate to do if it was my two bio kids. But I hear people saying it’s different.

You need to be careful to be unfair and bias toward your (“not”, what the heck?!) stepchild, because your love your birth child more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Are they same or different genders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

He’s not my stepchild, so referring him to him on that way wouldn’t make sense. I was struggling to figure out a way to refer to him, and someone else used that phrasing.

I wish I had given both kids fake names in the OP, but given that so many people don’t read every post, I feel like doing that later doesn’t work.

I don’t feel contempt for him. I love him, but I acknowledge that I love the kid I raised from birth more, and that makes it challenging because I try to be really careful to be fair.

This is something I don’t think I would hesitate to do if it was my two bio kids. But I hear people saying it’s different.

How is he not your stepchild?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Maybe he doesn't like you because your writing style is unclear. What are they, half siblings?.Some sort of cutesy euphemism because you aren't married? Who is the third kid?

Again, it sounds like your family is overscheduled and I do not actually believe this child wants both of these activities.

OPs native fluent dishonesty is certainly affecting her relationship with the kid.

Either they are half siblings and OP raised her stepson since he was a toddler, but she doesn’t love him like her own child, or they are step siblings. Either way, OP is being obnoxious, and not for the library wait. I hope the nagging guilt eventually fixes her conscience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Maybe he doesn't like you because your writing style is unclear. What are they, half siblings?.Some sort of cutesy euphemism because you aren't married? Who is the third kid?

Again, it sounds like your family is overscheduled and I do not actually believe this child wants both of these activities.

OPs native fluent dishonesty is certainly affecting her relationship with the kid.

Either they are half siblings and OP raised her stepson since he was a toddler, but she doesn’t love him like her own child, or they are step siblings. Either way, OP is being obnoxious, and not for the library wait. I hope the nagging guilt eventually fixes her conscience.

+1 OP says out of the gate that they are a "blended family" but now says this sis not her stepchild. I don't know if it's some cutesy "He's not my stepson, he's my bonus son (gag)" or that OP thinks she came into his life too late to ever call him any kind of son.

Either way, it's gross and I wish OP nothing but ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

He’s not my stepchild, so referring him to him on that way wouldn’t make sense. I was struggling to figure out a way to refer to him, and someone else used that phrasing.

I wish I had given both kids fake names in the OP, but given that so many people don’t read every post, I feel like doing that later doesn’t work.

I don’t feel contempt for him. I love him, but I acknowledge that I love the kid I raised from birth more, and that makes it challenging because I try to be really careful to be fair.

This is something I don’t think I would hesitate to do if it was my two bio kids. But I hear people saying it’s different.

You need to think about what is going on in your relationships with your partner, his biological children, and your children that leads you to so emphatically claim this child is not your step child. That will probably tell you why he's feeling the way that he does.

[Anonymous]

Pick the library kid up at 330 and drop the other kid off early. Seems fair

[Anonymous]

Well if he's not your stepchild and not your bio child, what is he? Nephew? Much-younger sibling of your DH? Foster child? Are you not actually married so you're being cutesy about it?

Regardless, it's clear there is a lot going on here and you need to deal with whatever trauma exists and whatever issues cause the child to feel so strongly about it. Clearly this isn't just about spending an extra hour in the library.

[Anonymous]

Can you clarify the situation who those who are still reading on page 5?

My guess is that the two kids with pick-ups are both your partner's bio kids. And that the kid who is upset is saying "well you never would make Sally wait like this" (where Sally is your bio kid).

I like the PP's suggestion about asking for the Upset Kid's ideas for a solution. Sometimes my kids have surprised me with their problem solving--coming up with ideas that I wouldn't have.

What are you doing in that 3-4pm window? Would offering to let them hang out with you (doing errands or whatever you're doing at that time) make the kid feel like they have more options?