This is totally reasonable right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it sounds like you have a somewhat rocky relationship with this kid, it might be nice to sometimes (not necessarily every time) pick up at 3 and spend 1:1 time with them, getting a treat and chatting.

Awful advice. Teenagers don't want to talk to you.

[Anonymous]

I would think it's not really about each individual instance of alleged favoritism. They probably resent being forced into a not-so-blended family and wish they didn't have to deal with any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it sounds like you have a somewhat rocky relationship with this kid, it might be nice to sometimes (not necessarily every time) pick up at 3 and spend 1:1 time with them, getting a treat and chatting.

Awful advice. Teenagers don't want to talk to you.

Yes they do. They don't want to admit to wanting to talk to you, but they still want parents to show interest in their lives.

[Anonymous]

It depends how far you live from the library, how long the activities are and what the rest of the day looks like. If you live rather close and this is the only chance kid 1 gets to come home and change in between two things they didn’t want to do (like forced tutoring and a family dinner with the Jones and their kids who aren’t their ages) then yes, I would do the pick up if it’s convenient. They didn’t want to go to any of that and their Sunday kind of sucks.

If it is a fun activity and you don’t live close to the library and it’s more driving then don’t feel bad. For example, it’s their Dungeon and Dragon group and then you are meeting grandma for an early dinner.

[Anonymous]

Neither of my kids would mind having to wait an hour in a library.

But I think this may be part of a larger pattern that the non-bio kid is picking up on, so please continue to interrogate yourself.

Also remember that often fathers aren't as tuned into very small social prejudices, so this kid's intuition might be true and their father might not have picked up on it. But in the long-term, very small prejudices add up and create resentment.

[Anonymous]

Well, you're basically saying they should wait around for an hour because you've decided to marry and push a stepsibling into their household. That's what it boils down to. I don't know why you would expect a teen to be happy about that. Teens like autonomy and will perceive a stepfamily, or really any family, as a loss of autonomy for them. Not saying you were wrong to remarry but realistically you did this because it's good for you and the teens are just stuck with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

[Anonymous]

No one asked but FYI I’d love to be told to hang out at the library for an hour doing whatever I wanted.

Your kids should buck up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it sounds like you have a somewhat rocky relationship with this kid, it might be nice to sometimes (not necessarily every time) pick up at 3 and spend 1:1 time with them, getting a treat and chatting.

Awful advice. Teenagers don't want to talk to you.

Yes they do. They don't want to admit to wanting to talk to you, but they still want parents to show interest in their lives.

They really don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Based on the attitude in that post, I strongly suspect he's right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Based on the attitude in that post, I strongly suspect he's right to be upset.

Can you explain how me stating facts is “attitude”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Based on the attitude in that post, I strongly suspect he's right to be upset.

Can you explain how me stating facts is “attitude”?

Keep digging. That will definitely improve the relationships with those around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

How are they not stepsiblings?

If you were not in the picture the teen might be happier overall, or his parent might be with someone who didn't have this particular schedule or didn't have a child at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Maybe he doesn't like you because your writing style is unclear. What are they, half siblings?.Some sort of cutesy euphemism because you aren't married? Who is the third kid?

Again, it sounds like your family is overscheduled and I do not actually believe this child wants both of these activities.