What's wrong with a kid being "overscheduled"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing, mine is in daily activities, sometimes more than one a day and very active. Its usually about the parents not wanting to spend the money or drive. My parents had all kinds of excuses why we couldn't do activities and sports but it came down to them not interested and their needs came first.

Your parents had jobs and likely knew how to budget.

[Anonymous]

I’m OP — the primary criticism is that kids don’t learn to be bored or to fill their time and that is absolutely not either of my children. My older child could and does fill hours and hours of open ended time with imaginative play. She doesn’t like to read as much as imaginative play but she also reads every day. She also spends a good amount of time just running around singing and dancing and getting into mischief with her sister. This open ended time is mostly on the weekends, summers, and days off school.

We have a nanny who does the after school driving so our family system is not stressed. We eat dinner together at 6:30 and have two hours for play/downtime before bed.

Besides the instrument she has 2 sports three days a week each. My kid has ADHD so I find the sports help her regulate. They are sports that are soothing to her nervous system. She’s a dream to be around afterwards — happy and relaxed.

The one thing we don’t have enough time for is weekday playdates but all the other kids are busy too so she wouldn’t be having them even if we didn’t have her in activities every day. We do unstructured play dates on the weekends.

I do agree that once homework or tutoring or little sister’s activities come into the mix this might be too many activities and we’ll have to pare it down.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid in elementary and two in high school now. All three of my kids love activities.

When I was a working mom of two, just one sport and one activity felt like a lot to me because I had to leave work early, pick up two kids and drive them to sports. It was not at all a lot for the kids. My kids would be running around at home or the backyard.

I eventually stayed home and my kids would go to sports practice multiple times per week. One kid loved art and science in addition to sports. The other kid plays multiple sports well. Both boys played their sport 3-6x per week. This is norm for good athletes. I mean they now have practice after school AT school everyday. No one would say they are overscheduled.

When kids are young and parents drive them, people often think having an activity daily is too much. I’m a SAHM and drive my kids to something almost daily. Every activity is something the child wants to do.

I have a friend and all three of her kids don’t want to sign up for anything. They don’t want to play sports. They don’t want to do any clubs at school. My kids are the opposite. They will excitedly sign up for multiple activities at school, want to do taekwondo, soccer, tennis, basketball, swim, dance, play instruments. We can’t do it all but we have something everyday.

[Anonymous]

There is data that shows that higher amounts of scheduled time have negative effects (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272775723001504?via%3Dihub)

That evidence is a little off from how these conversations tend to happen on DCUM. because it shows the effects being concentrated in high school (whereas most posters here seem more concerned about scheduling at younger ages) and it includes time spent on homework (which I feel like most posters here are fine with, especially by high school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is data that shows that higher amounts of scheduled time have negative effects (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272775723001504?via%3Dihub)

That evidence is a little off from how these conversations tend to happen on DCUM. because it shows the effects being concentrated in high school (whereas most posters here seem more concerned about scheduling at younger ages) and it includes time spent on homework (which I feel like most posters here are fine with, especially by high school).

There is so much more expected out of kids today, far more than I remember from my childhood, kids are going to burn out. Of course parents want there kids to do well and be successful, but it seems to be costing kids their childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is data that shows that higher amounts of scheduled time have negative effects (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272775723001504?via%3Dihub)

That evidence is a little off from how these conversations tend to happen on DCUM. because it shows the effects being concentrated in high school (whereas most posters here seem more concerned about scheduling at younger ages) and it includes time spent on homework (which I feel like most posters here are fine with, especially by high school).

There is so much more expected out of kids today, far more than I remember from my childhood, kids are going to burn out. Of course parents want there kids to do well and be successful, but it seems to be costing kids their childhood.

At the same time, a lot of childhood for a lot of kids is on screens. I had my kid in only one activity and found that every visit to a friend’s house was immediate screens - video games, iPad, or TV. I do think TV is better than iPad, but so many kids these days cannot fill their time or figure out how to play outside or play creatively. My kid can play or read alone without screens, but most all other kids are in activities and those who aren’t are on screens. So I feel the push to add more activities so he can be with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is data that shows that higher amounts of scheduled time have negative effects (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272775723001504?via%3Dihub)

That evidence is a little off from how these conversations tend to happen on DCUM. because it shows the effects being concentrated in high school (whereas most posters here seem more concerned about scheduling at younger ages) and it includes time spent on homework (which I feel like most posters here are fine with, especially by high school).

There is so much more expected out of kids today, far more than I remember from my childhood, kids are going to burn out. Of course parents want there kids to do well and be successful, but it seems to be costing kids their childhood.

At the same time, a lot of childhood for a lot of kids is on screens. I had my kid in only one activity and found that every visit to a friend’s house was immediate screens - video games, iPad, or TV. I do think TV is better than iPad, but so many kids these days cannot fill their time or figure out how to play outside or play creatively. My kid can play or read alone without screens, but most all other kids are in activities and those who aren’t are on screens. So I feel the push to add more activities so he can be with other kids.

The screen thing is real, it's such a shame that parents have so lenient with them. It's not great when u have to do activities just so your kid sees other kids.

[Anonymous]

While it's great to consider what a child wants or what they think they want, there are many things to consider, like finances and other siblings. While one kid might want an overscheduled childhood doesn't mean they all do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Overscheduled" implies that there is a problem. It refers to a kid who doesn't get enough free play time, is resentful or overwhelmed by the activities they are in, or has academic or social problems as a result of their activities schedule.

If your kid doesn't have any problems, she's not over scheduled, she's correctly scheduled.

Different kids are different and need different things. I have one kid who complained to me about not getting enough time to just play and hang out in her room during the week, so I canceled the activity she liked the least (Girl Scouts) so that she has an extra afternoon a week to relax at home. Now she's happier. But if your kid isn't complaining, it's fine.

+1 The only thing I'd add is, in a time and place where many kids are very scheduled, we have a community-wide problem with unstructured time and the social development that requires it - either for playing at home or outside, creating things, or spending time with friends and acquaintances. It can be more nuanced than just, "does my kid have academic or social problems as a result of their activities schedule."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP — the primary criticism is that kids don’t learn to be bored or to fill their time and that is absolutely not either of my children. My older child could and does fill hours and hours of open ended time with imaginative play. She doesn’t like to read as much as imaginative play but she also reads every day. She also spends a good amount of time just running around singing and dancing and getting into mischief with her sister. This open ended time is mostly on the weekends, summers, and days off school.

If you don’t start dinner until 6:30pm, and then are claiming your child has two full hours of downtime before bed, she is going to bed WAY too late. Elementary kids should be asleep by 8 or 8:30pm at the latest. Which means getting ready for bed even earlier.

We have a nanny who does the after school driving so our family system is not stressed. We eat dinner together at 6:30 and have two hours for play/downtime before bed.

Besides the instrument she has 2 sports three days a week each. My kid has ADHD so I find the sports help her regulate. They are sports that are soothing to her nervous system. She’s a dream to be around afterwards — happy and relaxed.

The one thing we don’t have enough time for is weekday playdates but all the other kids are busy too so she wouldn’t be having them even if we didn’t have her in activities every day. We do unstructured play dates on the weekends.

I do agree that once homework or tutoring or little sister’s activities come into the mix this might be too many activities and we’ll have to pare it down.

[Anonymous]

Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

[Anonymous]

In minority I’m sure, but I think a lot of good life skills come with having commitments and keeping schedules.

My kid is age 7 and does three activities per week in addition to going to after school care. She enjoys her activities (twice a week is a sport she is serious about and she also takes swim lessons).

I balance the structured time with her having unstructured play time in the evenings and I have screen rules (example: no screen before 2:00PM on weekends).

IMO, it’s a good mix. She has structured activities where she is active, social, and not on a screen. And she has weekend time when she has hours to be creative, play independently, ride her bike, or have a play dates. And she gets screen time. As with everything ….. balance is often a good approach, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In minority I’m sure, but I think a lot of good life skills come with having commitments and keeping schedules.

My kid is age 7 and does three activities per week in addition to going to after school care. She enjoys her activities (twice a week is a sport she is serious about and she also takes swim lessons).

I balance the structured time with her having unstructured play time in the evenings and I have screen rules (example: no screen before 2:00PM on weekends).

IMO, it’s a good mix. She has structured activities where she is active, social, and not on a screen. And she has weekend time when she has hours to be creative, play independently, ride her bike, or have a play dates. And she gets screen time. As with everything ….. balance is often a good approach, right?

Serious about a sport at 7 lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While it's great to consider what a child wants or what they think they want, there are many things to consider, like finances and other siblings. While one kid might want an overscheduled childhood doesn't mean they all do.

Just because they WANT it doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a PP that commitment is good. But in her case (1 sport with 2 practices plus a swim reason), I wouldn’t call that spread between 3 activities. That is 2 activities with a total of 3 sessions per week which is average to low for activity level. I do absolutely agree that kids and their parents should have more follow through. If you commit to a sports team, you should have to comm it to those practices and the games and not skip every third game to go to a different sport or quit mid season because it’s not your favorite activity.

My kid is in math, instrument lesson, cello youth orchestra and swim. All once per week and only math and orchestra are an hour or more. Most of his classmates are in more activities and some sport teams meet for 2 hours at a time. I am thinking of adding a sport class once per week because they are switching from gym 4x/week at school to 2-3x.