Anxious generation in practice
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Anonymous
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I think there is a difference between raising independent children and non anxious children. A lot of the suggestions of having kids do a lot of things any themselves early on will give you independent kids. But will they be less anxious? I think that is unclear. I am worried some parenting techniques of pushing kids to do things and hard line punishment just make these kids not close to their families. I grew up in an immigrant community where no kid has much freedom to do anything and honestly we all turned out fine. The autonomy came during middle of high school maybe.
I really think the modern anxiety has much more to do with tech,social media, negative media, immersive video games than parenting techniques. Having the world at your (iPhone) fingertips can be extremely... debilitating and anxiety inducing. |
Anonymous
You do realize that your kids are going to pick up on your anxiety and that it will blossom in them? Your attitude is doing them more harm than you realize. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Yes giving kids independence helps to alleviate anxiety because they learn that they can do things for themselves. They learn it’s OK to fail because you let them and that they can learn from their mistakes and do better next time. Lots of anxiety is rooted in the unknown and unfamiliar. When things are exposed or show and kids see it’s not a big deal then they build confidence and not be afraid of the unknown. Everyone feels anxiety sometimes, it’s normal. Some kids don’t feel it much, other maybe more. Now anxiety disorder is different. That is a chemical imbalance in the brain and kids can’t control that. So no matter what you do, what you teach your kids, what experiences they have, there is still a lot of anxiety. It can’t be overcome by experiences. |
Anonymous
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I have a 6 year old who is naturally very independent. Here are some things we allow currently:
- Ride bike on our street and play basketball at the hoop down the street alone - Pack lunch and snack (with some discussions of guidelines but not monitoring) - Do other chores with guidelines but not monitoring (clear the table, take out trash, wipe toilet) - Head to the neighborhood park ahead of us - Getting allowance and spending it on his choice of items - Get things from other grocery aisles Starting this school year: - Walk younger sibling to PK classroom (in the same building) - Go into our local grocery store to buy something by on his own |
Anonymous
ugh! |
Anonymous
i'm way more afraid of cars (and kids on motorized bikes/scooters) hurting my 7 yo. Otherwise, yes, he could walk down the street to ask a friend to play outside and bike outside on his own way more than I let him. |
Anonymous
I know this thread is old but I'm reading this book now. I think this post gets it right. I was raised to be very independent and was forced to do a lot of things on my own from early ages. I am a very independent and self-reliant person. I'm also super anxious. Also, to link to the book, I am addicted to my phone and social media makes me feel bad. I think that's what the book is about, more than it's about making 8 year olds order at Crumbl on their own. |
Anonymous
| How do you respond though when every other kid has a phone besides yours? |
Anonymous
| I send my child into the grocery store by himself. Not Walmart or other giant stores, but smaller local ones. We wrote a list together, and then I wait in the car while he shops from the list with cash. The cashier often asks “How old are you? Where is your parent?,” but only once has someone come out to the car and say I have to come inside to pay. Child is almost 9. |
Anonymous
| ^Only a few items, like bread, milk, fruit, and a vegetable he picks. Not a huge weekly shopping list! |
Anonymous
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Let him play out in the front yard without supervision. He does have to use a timer and come check-in. He can play in neighbors' yards without supervision. He can play basketball outside without supervision.
He walks to school from a certain point by himself. He walks back to that same point (about halfway) with other kids for dismissal. In the morning, if he is hungry while I am getting his sister ready upstairs, he can heat up oatmeal or use the air fryer to make himself breakfast. He makes homemade whip cream every Sunday with pancakes using the Kitchen Aid. He can make himself anything in the kitchen but no stovetop without supervision. Mostly because he will wander off. When we go in a store, if he knows where the item is, he can go and get it and come back solo. For example, he goes into the cooler at Costco to get berries and spinach. He goes and turns the car on in the morning if its cold and he's in a hurry to get out the door. It gives him something to do. He is expected to order for himself at restaurants. He will ring up groceries in self checkout and put in our loyalty number and pay. Basically from start to finish. We started when he was 4/5. He was one of the only kids the nurse had known who knew their parents number off the top of their head in K. Just turned 8. Unfortunately, our street doesnt have sidewalks and people park in the street limiting visibility. Not to mention speeding and people who watch their phones and not the road. |
Anonymous
This is a real question. It's why the "wait 'til 8th" movement started a while back -- if all parents waited until 8th grade, then you don't wind up with this pressure to get kids phones just so they can have friends. It does seem like at least in our neighborhood and parent circles, there's increased interest on avoiding smart phones until later, to keep kids off social media apps. So watches for upper elementary students and flip phones for middle school kids. This can actually promote the kind of independence people are talking about in the thread, because a kid who can text or call parents is more likely to be able to walk to and from school alone, get themselves to activities, etc. Now that pay phones are rare-to-nonexistent and stores and other people are more hostile to kids (and therefore less likely to help them or let them use a phone if they need one), it's hard to give kids more freedom without also giving them a phone. I would love it if my DD never had an instagram or Facebook account. Or TikTok. Maybe that's unrealistic, but I think these apps are just toxic. People need to get back to making their circle of connections smaller, more meaningful, and IN PERSON. |
Anonymous
Waiting in the car is weird and kind of an artificial way to force independence. Why not go inside but let him find the items on the list? |
Anonymous
Why such a strong reaction to walking a younger sibling to their classroom? |