Sleepovers are making me lose my sanity

[Anonymous]

There seems to be a shift to no sleepovers, possibly they are only permitted to have them at your place as you are a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Families do prefer allowing sleepovers at single moms home. For sure it makes us feel safer especially if there are no brothers there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Families do prefer allowing sleepovers at single moms home. For sure it makes us feel safer especially if there are no brothers there too.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

Of its controlling. Wtf?
And I disagree they aren’t essential. They’re common in the US and not only a social thing, but a way to cut the apron strings a bit.

You all are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

Of its controlling. Wtf?
And I disagree they aren’t essential. They’re common in the US and not only a social thing, but a way to cut the apron strings a bit.

You all are insane.

Agree - the responses here are completely unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But my tween acts like she’s aggrieved if we say no to them. She has three friends, all in our neighborhood, and they want to have sleepovers constantly. I’m a single mom and for me, they are very overstimulating. I feel like I have to be “on” and can’t relax like normal. It’s also stressful thinking of providing food and snacks that four girls will all like, so no one goes hungry on my watch. I can’t explain it, it’s just high stress. She had a sleepover two weeks ago and one last week, and I said no to one this week and she claims I’m ruining her social life. I just can’t do this every week, and there are still nearly two months of summer left. It makes me not even want to host kids for just the day! How can I help her understand that it’s not that I don’t want her socializing, but that it’s a lot of responsibility for ME, and I need a break.

This is your problem, OP. Your goal is all wrong. There is no way you are going to be able to say or do anything that will make your tween help you feel better about setting a limit. It is 100% super reasonable to limit sleep overs at your house to once a month. As the adult, you set that limit calmly and firmly. You actually don't even really need to give a reason. Your tween will be upset. She will complain, she will try to guilt you by saying that you don't care about her or her social life. You (and she) already know perfectly well that she can still socialize without hosting a sleepover, so you don't need to engage or try to convince her otherwise.

Set the limit. We (parents) all agree it's reasonable. Stop looking for a way for her to make it easy for you. Eventually she will get use to it and it will be a non issue.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is more annoying than moms who project their anti social skills and anxiety onto their kids.

They are teens. They can do all the sleepover stuff without you involved. I allow them because I can throw in a bunch of extra chores and cleaning ahead of time. And then I have the night to myself to catch up on tv shows and chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But my tween acts like she’s aggrieved if we say no to them. She has three friends, all in our neighborhood, and they want to have sleepovers constantly. I’m a single mom and for me, they are very overstimulating. I feel like I have to be “on” and can’t relax like normal. It’s also stressful thinking of providing food and snacks that four girls will all like, so no one goes hungry on my watch. I can’t explain it, it’s just high stress. She had a sleepover two weeks ago and one last week, and I said no to one this week and she claims I’m ruining her social life. I just can’t do this every week, and there are still nearly two months of summer left. It makes me not even want to host kids for just the day! How can I help her understand that it’s not that I don’t want her socializing, but that it’s a lot of responsibility for ME, and I need a break.

This is your problem, OP. Your goal is all wrong. There is no way you are going to be able to say or do anything that will make your tween help you feel better about setting a limit. It is 100% super reasonable to limit sleep overs at your house to once a month. As the adult, you set that limit calmly and firmly. You actually don't even really need to give a reason. Your tween will be upset. She will complain, she will try to guilt you by saying that you don't care about her or her social life. You (and she) already know perfectly well that she can still socialize without hosting a sleepover, so you don't need to engage or try to convince her otherwise.

Set the limit. We (parents) all agree it's reasonable. Stop looking for a way for her to make it easy for you. Eventually she will get use to it and it will be a non issue.

+100

Draw the limit and be confident that it’s the right decision for you right now. You can’t and shouldn’t make every decision hinge on the happiness of your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is more annoying than moms who project their anti social skills and anxiety onto their kids.

They are teens. They can do all the sleepover stuff without you involved. I allow them because I can throw in a bunch of extra chores and cleaning ahead of time. And then I have the night to myself to catch up on tv shows and chill.

Was coming here to say this. There is nothing for parents to do at sleepovers at that age other than if ordering pizza and buying snacks in advance, but if want to even skip that, start sleepover after dinner and tell kids to bring the snacks they want and done! Parent gets to read or watch tv or do whatever rest of night. Not sure what OP doing or why thinks have to be “on.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

“When they go away to college, then they can choose”… to have a sleepover? You do realize those are different kinds of sleepovers in college, right?

[Anonymous]

I hate sleepovers too, OP. I always wanted the house to be tidy, and worried about food, sneaking out, etc. I have 4 kids close in age, so when my kids were sleepover age (they are all older now) the thought of having 2-3 extra kids sleeping here was just too much. It literally stressed me out, but I allowed them about once a month and only one extra kid. This basically made it every weekend for a few years in 5th-8th grade since each kid would have a turn to invite a friend over. Try and enjoy hearing their preteen giggling and silliness around the house. Soon enough they are away at college. Sorry, feeling nostalgic as my last one is heading to college next month!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? Can you say she can do it if she does all of the food prep and entertaining l?

+1. I would shift 99% of the responsibility of the sleepover to your daughter. She is responsible for cleaning in advance, choosing the food, making sure her friends respect the rules of your home, etc.

Either it will be a great way to her to learn how to have a party and treat her friends well (while making sure they respect her) or she herself so t want to host sleepovers anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

Of its controlling. Wtf?
And I disagree they aren’t essential. They’re common in the US and not only a social thing, but a way to cut the apron strings a bit.

You all are insane.

Disagree. They aren’t that common anymore. My kid goes to 7 week sleepaway camp, but doesn’t do sleepovers. I’m not strongly opposed to them, but I certainly wouldn’t do it more than once per month. However, my child doesn’t ask and neither do their friends, with the exception of some event like going out of town with a family we are good friends or something.

[Anonymous]

We have a no sleep over policy. Nothing good happens at sleep overs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is more annoying than moms who project their anti social skills and anxiety onto their kids.

They are teens. They can do all the sleepover stuff without you involved. I allow them because I can throw in a bunch of extra chores and cleaning ahead of time. And then I have the night to myself to catch up on tv shows and chill.

Was coming here to say this. There is nothing for parents to do at sleepovers at that age other than if ordering pizza and buying snacks in advance, but if want to even skip that, start sleepover after dinner and tell kids to bring the snacks they want and done! Parent gets to read or watch tv or do whatever rest of night. Not sure what OP doing or why thinks have to be “on.”

As PPs mentioned, it probably has more to do with the layout of the house. I'm lucky enough to have a basement so if my DDs have sleepovers, everyone stays down there. The rest of the house can continue to function without much change in routine. If I didn't have a basement and the kids were upstairs in DD's bedroom or taking over the main level, then it would be irritating.