Sleepovers are making me lose my sanity

[Anonymous]

I would say no to some, but not all, and I would make clear to her that she's responsible for the planning: making a list of snacks ahead of time (not last minute), checking the home to make sure it's clean enough, cleaning if it isn't, setting out guest towels or pillows or whatever they need.

In brief, start shifting the hosting burden on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But my tween acts like she’s aggrieved if we say no to them. She has three friends, all in our neighborhood, and they want to have sleepovers constantly. I’m a single mom and for me, they are very overstimulating. I feel like I have to be “on” and can’t relax like normal. It’s also stressful thinking of providing food and snacks that four girls will all like, so no one goes hungry on my watch. I can’t explain it, it’s just high stress. She had a sleepover two weeks ago and one last week, and I said no to one this week and she claims I’m ruining her social life. I just can’t do this every week, and there are still nearly two months of summer left. It makes me not even want to host kids for just the day! How can I help her understand that it’s not that I don’t want her socializing, but that it’s a lot of responsibility for ME, and I need a break.

I have a different take. I love hosting sleepovers. I love being that house where the kids feel comfortable and have fun. If your kids are old enough, you don't have to feel "on." Set some rules in place and tell your daughter that the kids should have dinner at their place first and each kid can bring their favorite snack. You supply a couple and the drinks. That's it.

This is why some parents love hosting sleepovers. They feel zero obligation to have any clue what is going on in their house. My daughter has been to these. Kids are in the basement. Parents asleep 2 floors above and don't hear anything.

I personally do not feel comfortable doing this given all the things they can be in to in the house and also sneaking out/kids sneaking in is pretty frequent. Yes, even your boo boo bear might be doing this.

That was quite a leap from she doesn't have to feel 'on' to 'she must not be supervising them at all'

[Anonymous]

This is a good lesson for kids.

Next sleepover is contingent on how this sleepover and the aftermath are.

[Anonymous]

I'd let her have sleepovers but work on ways to transfer the hosting responsibilities to her. Tell her that you'll be present in case of an emergency, but that she and her friends are responsible for their own food and entertainment.

[Anonymous]

I don't like them either. I'm also a single mom and felt like after I hosted one, I had the kid and also the parent try to get me to host them again. And the kid was a bit of a pain and the mom wanted free babysitting. So I dropped the rope. Luckily we have a cousin that we do sleepovers with and that is fine because it gets reciprocated and the cousin is well behaved. I would tell your daughter you will do 1x every 2 months and maybe make her earn the sleepover.

[Anonymous]

At your kids age sleepovers shouldn't require work. I just let them hang out. Unless it's a birthday party I usually don't get involved. Eat whats available, entertain yourselves is my motto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate sleepovers and rarely allowed them (maybe once or twice per year, per kid). Mine are past that age now (in high school), fortunately, and it doesn’t seem to have harmed their social lives.

I always offered alternatives. I’m happy to have kids over and take them home late into the evening, or host (drive and pay for) fun local outings with a few friends etc. They could take it or leave it.

I think sleepovers just work better for some families (due to house layout, temperament and schedule of the parents etc), and that is fine. For us, they were just super inconvenient. DH is an early riser and has insomnia issues, our house layout isn’t great for it (all the bedrooms close together in the same hall, no big basement rec room or anything to create more separation) and I just find sleepovers just too much altogether.

I wouldn’t feel bad at all about limiting sleepovers. IME a lot of parents feel and do the same. Offer whatever alternatives you want. Your DD will be fine.

Same for us. No sleepovers at our house. We are happy to do anything else to return the favor so to speak. It does seem like sleepovers don't phase other families.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if you tell her that she has to have everything from the sleepover completely cleaned up and back to normal by 11am, that'll make her not want them as often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say no to some, but not all, and I would make clear to her that she's responsible for the planning: making a list of snacks ahead of time (not last minute), checking the home to make sure it's clean enough, cleaning if it isn't, setting out guest towels or pillows or whatever they need.

In brief, start shifting the hosting burden on her.

Bingo! She’s old enough for this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say no to some, but not all, and I would make clear to her that she's responsible for the planning: making a list of snacks ahead of time (not last minute), checking the home to make sure it's clean enough, cleaning if it isn't, setting out guest towels or pillows or whatever they need.

In brief, start shifting the hosting burden on her.

Bingo! She’s old enough for this

×1

Be glad the sleep overs are at your house where you know everything is all well.

I actually worry more when my tween and teens are sleeping over at somebody else's house .

[Anonymous]

1) Sanity loss is understandable.
2) Agree with PP who said make your kid get ready, prep snacks, clean up, etc.
3) Assuming the other kids are nice and not a negative influence or anything...be glad your kid has some besties. Some of us might trade with you for the joy of seeing our kid have that kind of bond and sense of belonging. Not trying to be preachy, just that it's good to think of the bright side of a potentially annoying situation and don't take the positives for granted.

[Anonymous]

I’m am a single mom and I only okayed them on weekends when I felt up to it. They mostly did their own thing and I just went on with my evening watching TV/doing laundry. The kids ate whatever dinner I made that night and ate whatever snacks we had. I didn’t have money to buy dinner and go all out on snacks anyway.

[Anonymous]

They are playing you. The other kids parents are saying no and I’m guessing they have even less reason than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four girls. One sleepover a week. They each rotate. One sleepover per month at your house.

That’s easy for me to say but the parents have to be on board too and apparently they aren’t.

That's on them. You explain the math to your kid and say that because that's reasonable, that's what you're going to allow - one sleepover per month. She can deal with it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just shut your bedroom door and read or watch TV once everyone is in for the night.

We have food places close by so I give them money to buy food.

Once they are in for the night they can entertain themselves. And I’m not telling them what time to go to bed. They’ll go to sleep when they’re tired.