Reality check: Spouse - new job - workload

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you work? If not, this is a sweet deal. If you are dealing with the logistics of your job and kid's school it's tough, tougher 4x a year.

Are there upsides? Like, you may get to go to Spain? If he's traveling that much he'll get points, and the hotel is paid for.

As someone who travels quite often for work, four trips a year is unlikely to get you anywhere near enough points to take a trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse was let go last week. They already got a new offer through their network. Pay is the same - $220k - but requires a mandatory quarterly travel to Spain and ad hoc travel within the US. They report to the company’s CEO. Tech sector.

I want to be a supportive partner and not criticize BUT it seems to be not enough $ given the amount of travel is expected. Or am I unrealistic?

We have 2 young kids and I am terrified to be left alone with them once he goes away that often.

They said they would need to take it because the job market is not okay. I am not saying it’s okay but if one reports to CEO and is expected to be available at their every ask, shouldn’t the salary be at least in 300s?

Give me your reality check.

That seems extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you work? If not, this is a sweet deal. If you are dealing with the logistics of your job and kid's school it's tough, tougher 4x a year.

Are there upsides? Like, you may get to go to Spain? If he's traveling that much he'll get points, and the hotel is paid for.

As someone who travels quite often for work, four trips a year is unlikely to get you anywhere near enough points to take a trip.

OP's post says "ad hoc" US travel.

Also depends on fare classes the employer allows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse was let go last week. They already got a new offer through their network. Pay is the same - $220k - but requires a mandatory quarterly travel to Spain and ad hoc travel within the US. They report to the company’s CEO. Tech sector.

I want to be a supportive partner and not criticize BUT it seems to be not enough $ given the amount of travel is expected. Or am I unrealistic?

We have 2 young kids and I am terrified to be left alone with them once he goes away that often.

They said they would need to take it because the job market is not okay. I am not saying it’s okay but if one reports to CEO and is expected to be available at their every ask, shouldn’t the salary be at least in 300s?

Give me your reality check.

That seems extreme.

Ignore that, I just saw the explanation. Get your back ups in place. He needs to work and this market is scary.

[Anonymous]

OP you don't really provide any info on how big this company is, how experienced your husband is, how in-demand his skills are etc.

At my company (F100) reporting to the CEO means very senior and yes paid much more. At a small company with a more compressed structure, it could be very different.

[Anonymous]

Your 7 yo will have to deal with your younger child's health challenges. They will survive.

How is your husband working 16 hour days and around to go in the ambulance with your 2 yo?

You sound unrealistic and immature

[Anonymous]

Op, talk to neighbors, your 7 year old's friend's parents, etc. Someone to take your 7 year old in an emergency. Hopefully those will be few and far between.

It's a lot.

[Anonymous]

Hire help for when he travels. Work of being better friends with your neighbors and parents of your 7 yos friends. You are far better off for him to take this job than be unemployed. Travel once a quarter is nothing in a Senior level position.

[Anonymous]

A lot to unpack here. You're disappointed in a hard working guy who makes 220K a year? Someone who got a job shortly after losing his, at a time people are going months without a job, and taking pay cuts to land something?

Your younger child's health situation does make things more difficult. Build a support network; friends, neighbors, and hired help.

You need to be realistic about the situation you're in. It's not dire, just requires you to put in more than you're used to.

[Anonymous]

How choice isn’t between an imaginary $300k corporate job or this one. It’s between this job and unemployment, so it’s an easy choice. He takes the job and you make it work.

[Anonymous]

The job market is abysmal right now. Tech layoffs are becoming more common. You should be thanking your lucky stars your DH found a job right away in this market paying that much. Many people have to accept pay cuts to get the footing again after a layoff.

Get a good network of sitters (I have 3 kids and have a number of HS sitters in walking distance from my house who come for a few hours as needed). And in the summer/school breaks we have even more college sitters. If I can’t find someone for last minute stuff most offer to connect me with a friend who is available.

We pay well and feed them to make sure they want to come back.

Neither DH nor I have broken the 200k mark salary wise. I assume if we can afford this then you can as well.

[Anonymous]

My first 200k was way worse but the plus side is in 2-3 years he will qualify to go to that 300@ gig.

[Anonymous]

Military spouses deal with this for a lot less income.

[Anonymous]

NP and I have some personal experience with taking care of a child with a G tube and complex medical needs. I think you need some family friends/neighbors/emergency contact if you need to go to the ER. If need be can you go part time? Does your state automatically provide medical insurance for young children with medical needs? I ask because some states take over the medical insurance of kids like that even if the parent has medical insurance at work. It helps continuity of care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is truly an emergency, your husband will fly back from Spain just the same as he would fly back from CA.

Your husband is smart to say that he needs to take the job. The job market is terrible. There are many threads about this.

Also, many people do not live near family and have spouses who travel or work a lot of hours. I’m not saying it’s easy but it seems like life would get a lot harder if your husband were home and unemployed.

Perhaps you should start a thread in one of the parenting groups about tips for dealing with your kids on your own and your specific concerns related to your child with disabilities. I’m not being snarky.

Good point. I feel disappointed in him it is a second time in 2 years, he got let go. He works 16 hours or so/ day, doesn’t take any time off. Yet he got let go. In his previous job, he also reported to the CEO. Something is not adding up here and I don’t feel he has skills to be an executive. And I simply don’t want to support him with his career anymore.

I am very much concerned about a lack of paycheck but it is my boring job that provides health insurance. His “fancy” tech job doesn’t. If he takes this offer, I don’t know how long I will manage. I am not even working for a paycheck, I am working to get medical insurance as our kid has massive needs and we would never manage without insurance.

I wanted to encourage him to go to the traditional corporate America and increase his salary from 200 to 300 and get solid medical insurance.

He said he needs at least a year to figure out a switch from tech to corporate. That is massively long imo.

I don’t know I guess the bottom line is I wish I had not married him. Oh well, life sucks.

Can you switch roles? Can you earn 300k and he become the primary caregiver? Why rely on him to make more money when he’s already proven he can’t? Time to do it yourself.