Reality check: Spouse - new job - workload

[Anonymous]

Spouse was let go last week. They already got a new offer through their network. Pay is the same - $220k - but requires a mandatory quarterly travel to Spain and ad hoc travel within the US. They report to the company’s CEO. Tech sector.

I want to be a supportive partner and not criticize BUT it seems to be not enough $ given the amount of travel is expected. Or am I unrealistic?

We have 2 young kids and I am terrified to be left alone with them once he goes away that often.

They said they would need to take it because the job market is not okay. I am not saying it’s okay but if one reports to CEO and is expected to be available at their every ask, shouldn’t the salary be at least in 300s?

Give me your reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse was let go last week. They already got a new offer through their network. Pay is the same - $220k - but requires a mandatory quarterly travel to Spain and ad hoc travel within the US. They report to the company’s CEO. Tech sector.

I want to be a supportive partner and not criticize BUT it seems to be not enough $ given the amount of travel is expected. Or am I unrealistic?

We have 2 young kids and I am terrified to be left alone with them once he goes away that often.

They said they would need to take it because the job market is not okay. I am not saying it’s okay but if one reports to CEO and is expected to be available at their every ask, shouldn’t the salary be at least in 300s?

Give me your reality check.

I have three kids and have always worked full-time with minimal help. There were times when my husband had to travel quite a bit. Why did you have children if you were afraid to be alone with them? I really don’t understand this. Do you work? The job market is extremely tough. Your husband is very lucky to have found a job so quickly. You sound super spoiled and lazy.

[Anonymous]

Is the company based in Europe? Pay is less there. How is the company/industry doing? What size? That pay for that level feels more like a struggling company in a struggling industry. BTDT, salaries can drop in a struggling industry. Does he have severance and can you all swallow the anxiety to look for something better? If you can’t negotiate salary, ask for extended severance as risk protection in case it falls apart.

[Anonymous]

He's lucky that fell into his lap in this job market.

Hire help if you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's lucky that fell into his lap in this job market.

Hire help if you need to.

Yeah many tech people are unemployed for months to years now.

You are probably pretty old if your have THREE kids, so that really hurts his marketability.

Can you move to Spain? That would be the best option!!

[Anonymous]

Take it and have him keep looking. Once in try to negotiate travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse was let go last week. They already got a new offer through their network. Pay is the same - $220k - but requires a mandatory quarterly travel to Spain and ad hoc travel within the US. They report to the company’s CEO. Tech sector.

I want to be a supportive partner and not criticize BUT it seems to be not enough $ given the amount of travel is expected. Or am I unrealistic?

We have 2 young kids and I am terrified to be left alone with them once he goes away that often.

They said they would need to take it because the job market is not okay. I am not saying it’s okay but if one reports to CEO and is expected to be available at their every ask, shouldn’t the salary be at least in 300s?

Give me your reality check.

Oh and only Big Tech pays crazy salaries.

Unless he’s an executive he won’t command huge numbers in a normal company; it sounds like he’s a chief of staff type role?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse was let go last week. They already got a new offer through their network. Pay is the same - $220k - but requires a mandatory quarterly travel to Spain and ad hoc travel within the US. They report to the company’s CEO. Tech sector.

I want to be a supportive partner and not criticize BUT it seems to be not enough $ given the amount of travel is expected. Or am I unrealistic?

We have 2 young kids and I am terrified to be left alone with them once he goes away that often.

They said they would need to take it because the job market is not okay. I am not saying it’s okay but if one reports to CEO and is expected to be available at their every ask, shouldn’t the salary be at least in 300s?

Give me your reality check.

You sound like a troll. That's my reality check.

You are "terrified" of being left alone with your kids? Come on. Are the kids not in FT daycare or school since I'm assuming you work FT? I agree this will be a bigger load on you, but put some routines in place, allow things to slide a little, and deal.

A salary in the $200s is nothing to sneeze at or take for granted.

[Anonymous]

My husband has always traveled for his job, at one point when our kids were in middle school and elementary, he was traveling two weeks out of every month.

I work full-time with an hour commute each way. I had zero family to help.

And I was fine. Assuming you don’t work unusual hours or shift work, you will be too.

As for the pay, who knows? We don’t know what type of work he does, where you live, your expenses. But $220K is more than my DH who travels makes.

[Anonymous]

Terrified to be alone with your own kids? That’s very odd.

[Anonymous]

You’re wrong.

[Anonymous]

How can you be more afraid of being alone with your kids than you are about not having a paycheck that you need to support your family? I don’t get the fear of being alone with your Kids either but that you don’t fear losing an income more is crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP is not literally scared but is dreading handling solo all logistics, sick kids, drop offs, and so forth. It’s a change for her. The fact that others do it should be reassuring, but it’s going to mean more work and more stress. OP, how old are your kids? Sounds like you’ll need a good babysitter to give you some relief on weekends.

Your husband’s new salary may be low, but it’s higher than unemployment. If he accepted the job he can’t go back and negotiate about travel. That’s part of the job, which he already accepted. After he gets established, maybe in six months he can see what he thinks and have a conversation. But if that’s what the job requires, what do you think the company should do about the necessary travel for your husband’s job, if he doesn’t do it?

Bright side: he will accrue lots of miles to use on family travel!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you be more afraid of being alone with your kids than you are about not having a paycheck that you need to support your family? I don’t get the fear of being alone with your Kids either but that you don’t fear losing an income more is crazy.

This. And traveling to Spain is barely different than traveling to West Coast.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am getting good reality checks here Keep them coming. And yes I am terrified to be alone with 2 kids (2 and 7) while he is abroad and I have no local family to help. We did it in the past but then the travel was to CA and it did feel scary to bear this responsibility for the kids on my own. Especially as my little one has physical disabilities and the medical toll is heavy.