Reality check: Spouse - new job - workload

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am getting good reality checks here Keep them coming. And yes I am terrified to be alone with 2 kids (2 and 7) while he is abroad and I have no local family to help. We did it in the past but then the travel was to CA and it did feel scary to bear this responsibility for the kids on my own. Especially as my little one has physical disabilities and the medical toll is heavy.

There’s a bigger time zone shift to Spain, sure, but realistically the burden on you while he’s in Spain for a week is the same as if he’s in Philadelphia for a week. The distance isn’t the issue, it’s the availability. Let him know that this is your concern so that he can put in an effort to be available at times that help.

[Anonymous]

^^^ yeah that’s a fair point

[Anonymous]

I make a little less than that and travel very frequently internationally so I don’t think it’s a bad deal.

I also have two kids, one with special needs, and would have struggled with this schedule when they were younger. I hear your worry but you just need good systems and you can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am getting good reality checks here Keep them coming. And yes I am terrified to be alone with 2 kids (2 and 7) while he is abroad and I have no local family to help. We did it in the past but then the travel was to CA and it did feel scary to bear this responsibility for the kids on my own. Especially as my little one has physical disabilities and the medical toll is heavy.

Why are you so sure you can’t handle things? Does your spouse do most of the childcare now?

[Anonymous]

The fact that some people have it worse off than you doesn’t invalidate your concerns, OP! They’re not better than you, just bitter. It’s not spoiled to want to be the best parent you can be, instead of someone so overloaded and stressed out that they have to post snarling attacks on the internet to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Dude you are ridiculous. Terrified to be alone with your kids?? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Do y'all need the money?

Unfortunately you're gonna have to suck it up until he finds another job.

[Anonymous]

My husband lost his job recently too. Honestly, I am jealous af that your husband found something so quickly with the same pay! I'm so anxious about our future right now, I feel sick when I think about it.

I can completely understand the fear of him traveling especially with no family help nearby but this job market is terrible, not being unemployed or without insurance (which is the thing keeping me up at night most) is a blessing. This does not need to be his forever job and in the interim, you will figure out a routine for yourself and kids, even if it's hard at first. Hire out help, find your village and ask for help etc. On the upside, he will be earning all sorts of travel points...start planning your luxury vacations with gold member status now lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband lost his job recently too. Honestly, I am jealous af that your husband found something so quickly with the same pay! I'm so anxious about our future right now, I feel sick when I think about it.

I can completely understand the fear of him traveling especially with no family help nearby but this job market is terrible, not being unemployed or without insurance (which is the thing keeping me up at night most) is a blessing. This does not need to be his forever job and in the interim, you will figure out a routine for yourself and kids, even if it's hard at first. Hire out help, find your village and ask for help etc. On the upside, he will be earning all sorts of travel points...start planning your luxury vacations with gold member status now lol

OP here. I am sorry to hear it and yes I know he is fortunate to find something so fast.

[Anonymous]

If there is truly an emergency, your husband will fly back from Spain just the same as he would fly back from CA.

Your husband is smart to say that he needs to take the job. The job market is terrible. There are many threads about this.

Also, many people do not live near family and have spouses who travel or work a lot of hours. I’m not saying it’s easy but it seems like life would get a lot harder if your husband were home and unemployed.

Perhaps you should start a thread in one of the parenting groups about tips for dealing with your kids on your own and your specific concerns related to your child with disabilities. I’m not being snarky.

[Anonymous]

Are you prepared to be the sole breadwinner for your family? If not, he should take the job and be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Your situation sounds pretty great to me. We have two young kids and my DH has a job that makes less than half of yours and requires 50% travel (usually international). I also work full time in a demanding job with no WFO option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has always traveled for his job, at one point when our kids were in middle school and elementary, he was traveling two weeks out of every month.

I work full-time with an hour commute each way. I had zero family to help.

And I was fine. Assuming you don’t work unusual hours or shift work, you will be too.

As for the pay, who knows? We don’t know what type of work he does, where you live, your expenses. But $220K is more than my DH who travels makes.

That actually does not sound “fine” - presumably younger kids had to be in before and after care, and minimal after school activities? It’s obviously possible to make that work but I wouldn’t choose it if there was any other option or I didn’t have FT help after school to do pickups and chores.

agree with other posters that OP may not have a choice given the job market - but she should talk with her DH about how they domestic work will be handled and his plan for finding a job with less travel or more pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is truly an emergency, your husband will fly back from Spain just the same as he would fly back from CA.

Your husband is smart to say that he needs to take the job. The job market is terrible. There are many threads about this.

Also, many people do not live near family and have spouses who travel or work a lot of hours. I’m not saying it’s easy but it seems like life would get a lot harder if your husband were home and unemployed.

Perhaps you should start a thread in one of the parenting groups about tips for dealing with your kids on your own and your specific concerns related to your child with disabilities. I’m not being snarky.

Good point. I feel disappointed in him it is a second time in 2 years, he got let go. He works 16 hours or so/ day, doesn’t take any time off. Yet he got let go. In his previous job, he also reported to the CEO. Something is not adding up here and I don’t feel he has skills to be an executive. And I simply don’t want to support him with his career anymore.

I am very much concerned about a lack of paycheck but it is my boring job that provides health insurance. His “fancy” tech job doesn’t. If he takes this offer, I don’t know how long I will manage. I am not even working for a paycheck, I am working to get medical insurance as our kid has massive needs and we would never manage without insurance.

I wanted to encourage him to go to the traditional corporate America and increase his salary from 200 to 300 and get solid medical insurance.

He said he needs at least a year to figure out a switch from tech to corporate. That is massively long imo.

I don’t know I guess the bottom line is I wish I had not married him. Oh well, life sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your situation sounds pretty great to me. We have two young kids and my DH has a job that makes less than half of yours and requires 50% travel (usually international). I also work full time in a demanding job with no WFO option.

What job pays $110k and requires 50% international travel?