Great husband but marriage is so boring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal marriage. The wild sex phase lasts 2 years max. Even if you divorce and start dating again.

18 years in and the wild sex is still very prevalent. Including this morning.

We are hitting our 20 this year and the sex is honestly better than when we were younger. We both know each other so well and there is no self consciousness. I (the wife) went through a long stage of not wanting it as much (pregnancy, breastfeeding, being touched by toddlers constantly) so I had to work towards wanting it again, but thankfully I did, it was well worth my efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal marriage. The wild sex phase lasts 2 years max. Even if you divorce and start dating again.

18 years in and the wild sex is still very prevalent. Including this morning.

We are hitting our 20 this year and the sex is honestly better than when we were younger. We both know each other so well and there is no self consciousness. I (the wife) went through a long stage of not wanting it as much (pregnancy, breastfeeding, being touched by toddlers constantly) so I had to work towards wanting it again, but thankfully I did, it was well worth my efforts.

We married in 1998. Midlife was awful. We hit it this morning too. Frankly, we never stopped having sex- but I didn’t liked being touched in those years 44-48 or so—stress, parent terminal illness/death, busy work and kids, husband’s midlife crisis. Things got drastically better after Covid and as kids moved through high school. We bickered a lot. Now we love all of our time together, both WAH, one kid a rising Senior and other in college. Life is really good now. Climbing up that U of the happiness curve…that sh@t is real! When I see people blow up their marriages midlife, I always think you missed the good parts, if you could have hung on (barring abuse/addiction)- but frankly even infidelity in a long marriage can be worked through.

[Anonymous]

^ I’m watching “Your Friends & Neighbors” right now. It so perfectly captures the sh@tshow that is midlife and how people get lost in their marriages. I’m so rooting for Amanda Peet & Jon Hamm to get back together.

[Anonymous]

That life satisfaction dips in one's 40s then goes back up, and that this is true across gender, income, nationality, and even primate species

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are in the sandwich if kids and aging parents and both working but I feel like I’m losing myself, not having any fun, and our marriage is suffering as a result.

We don’t really have any issues per se, we get along, etc. we have just stopped enjoying life. Even when we go for dinner or have a date night, or take a trip, I am just bored. DH is also a very calm personality and nothing seems to excite or phase him, and when I get excited about something, he often just nods or shrugs. Bedroom is the same, I want to try new stuff and he just defaults to the same thing every single time.

I just want a little more excitement in our lives, a little more enthusiasm in our interactions, etc.

And before the usual suspects ask, no, I didn’t “get fat” — I am very fit while DH has gained 20 lbs since we met, but he looks fine.

Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

Faze. The spelling of the word in this context is faze, not phase.

Although you are going through a phase. And if you do something stupid like cheat on him, I bet he will be fazed. Or nonplussed. He would absolutely be nonplussed.

See the difference?

Read above. And get off your high horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. DH is a great partner in life and we get along well but our relationship right now is meh. We’re in the both-working-too-hard-driving-kids-around-all-day phase. I assume this will pass but it doesn’t feel great. He’s pretty content with how things are and doesn’t really get that I’m lonely/bored/need a bit more. I’ve been filling in by doing more on my own or with friends but that’s not a 100% solution when what I really want is a bit of enthusiasm from my husband to do fun stuff together/have real conversations/have good sex.

Any yeah OP, the just nodding and shrugging when I’m trying to engage him on something is infuriating/super deflating! It’s made me start spending less time with him in the evenings, and more time just doing my own thing in the evenings. While that helps with feeling frustrated daily, my withdrawing from him isn’t exactly helping our relationship.

Have you tried using your words? There are times that both my husband and I are just not up for an enthusiastic discussion about something so we've told the other one that but in other cases I have let him know if I felt like his participation was lackluster and then he'll step up. I do the same for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your issue is actually you, but you want your husband to be the solution. You need to be the solution, but in a positive way like new hobbies or volunteering instead of negative ways like an affair.

I agree with this. You, not your husband, are responsible for your own happiness

Agreed

Np, so what’s the solution?

NP. Find fun things to do. Make an effort to spend more time with friends. Make new friends. Plan a fun outing or quality time with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this touched a few nerves! I’m neither blaming my husband nor would I consider an affair 🤮 or a divorce. Our marriage is good, I’m just looking for ideas to make it better for both of us.

I could look for a hobby but as a couple of PPs said, it wouldn’t exactly help our marriage if we spent less quality time together. Yes, I have tried initiating fun things but it’s not an amazing feeling when you’re having to initiate all the time either.

It sounds like at least a few PPs are in a similar boat so it’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

You're wrong about that part - being individually fulfilled will make you both better spouses.