Great husband but marriage is so boring

[Anonymous]

I guess I disagree that you need to find fun new things. This just isn’t your time of life. Your kids are adolescents. This is their time to be the stars of the family and have the drama. This is your time to be the boring, predictable home base that they come back to.
They will grow up, and you can be the star of a your own personal Nancy Myers film in few years .

[Anonymous]

Understand the frustration, but a certain level of boredom is kind of the best-case outcome from my perspective. It can get way worse; I might count my blessings a little.

[Anonymous]

"Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?"

Exactly what you're talking about. We are in the same situation. He is content with nothingness. So I think I need my own new hobbies and new girl friends to hang out with. I won't be getting any stimulation from him. Will I go out there and try and make new friends? Who knows but I do get how you're feeling.

[Anonymous]

Just change your perspectives.
If you or your family members get terminal illness that wouldn’t be boring.
You see, now embrace and enjoy boring life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your issue is actually you, but you want your husband to be the solution. You need to be the solution, but in a positive way like new hobbies or volunteering instead of negative ways like an affair.

Interesting perspective.

You certainly are the only one whose behavior you control.

This is unlike me…but I don’t think your issues are too serious.

I am single but sometimes feel like you. I just have no one else to blame for my rut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I disagree that you need to find fun new things. This just isn’t your time of life. Your kids are adolescents. This is their time to be the stars of the family and have the drama. This is your time to be the boring, predictable home base that they come back to.
They will grow up, and you can be the star of a your own personal Nancy Myers film in few years .

I think your husband “gets” this. That reflects a certain maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. To make it worse, H ran up some debt without me knowing and now every spare penny he has after bills goes towards that. So there’s zero money from him for date nights, and it’s just hard to get excited about a date night where I have to plan and pay for everything.

A couple things that helped me:

1. I went on a solo trip for a week. That got me enough excitement I was happy to see my H again.

2. I do have a couple guys I “date”. They know I’m married, but I have great chemistry with them, we’ll go out to a happy hour or for coffee and flirt for an hour. Nothing physical, it’s just nice to be around someone who is interesting and interested in me.

The second one sounds risky (and borderline disloyal) to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are in the sandwich if kids and aging parents and both working but I feel like I’m losing myself, not having any fun, and our marriage is suffering as a result.

We don’t really have any issues per se, we get along, etc. we have just stopped enjoying life. Even when we go for dinner or have a date night, or take a trip, I am just bored. DH is also a very calm personality and nothing seems to excite or phase him, and when I get excited about something, he often just nods or shrugs. Bedroom is the same, I want to try new stuff and he just defaults to the same thing every single time.

I just want a little more excitement in our lives, a little more enthusiasm in our interactions, etc.

And before the usual suspects ask, no, I didn’t “get fat” — I am very fit while DH has gained 20 lbs since we met, but he looks fine.

Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

I love married women like you. You are the perfect target for men like me who love to hit on milfs. Your husband is a boring guy. Life is too short. Have an affair. There are men out there who would love to have fun with you. Dump that idiot. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you.

Actually OP is the one who doesn't know how lucky she is to have him.

Especially in contrast to this opportunistic loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gottman institute does couples retreat in many towns, attend one.

Alternatively, travel together ti find more to talk about. Read books, watch sports you twi can talk about. Get more social.

Traveling to a country neither of you have visited before is a great idea. Plan it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are in the sandwich if kids and aging parents and both working but I feel like I’m losing myself, not having any fun, and our marriage is suffering as a result.

We don’t really have any issues per se, we get along, etc. we have just stopped enjoying life. Even when we go for dinner or have a date night, or take a trip, I am just bored. DH is also a very calm personality and nothing seems to excite or phase him, and when I get excited about something, he often just nods or shrugs. Bedroom is the same, I want to try new stuff and he just defaults to the same thing every single time.

I just want a little more excitement in our lives, a little more enthusiasm in our interactions, etc.

And before the usual suspects ask, no, I didn’t “get fat” — I am very fit while DH has gained 20 lbs since we met, but he looks fine.

Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

So who do you have a crush on? Because the way you're trying to stick this all on him sounds like you're laying the groundwork to justify an affair.

You want to engage in some escapism because your current season of life is mundane.

Agree that this is mostly a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are in the sandwich if kids and aging parents and both working but I feel like I’m losing myself, not having any fun, and our marriage is suffering as a result.

We don’t really have any issues per se, we get along, etc. we have just stopped enjoying life. Even when we go for dinner or have a date night, or take a trip, I am just bored. DH is also a very calm personality and nothing seems to excite or phase him, and when I get excited about something, he often just nods or shrugs. Bedroom is the same, I want to try new stuff and he just defaults to the same thing every single time.

I just want a little more excitement in our lives, a little more enthusiasm in our interactions, etc.

And before the usual suspects ask, no, I didn’t “get fat” — I am very fit while DH has gained 20 lbs since we met, but he looks fine.

Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

Do you take the lead ?. If you want something new take control. You both might enjoy you being in the driver's seat

[Anonymous]

Wow, this touched a few nerves! I’m neither blaming my husband nor would I consider an affair 🤮 or a divorce. Our marriage is good, I’m just looking for ideas to make it better for both of us.

I could look for a hobby but as a couple of PPs said, it wouldn’t exactly help our marriage if we spent less quality time together. Yes, I have tried initiating fun things but it’s not an amazing feeling when you’re having to initiate all the time either.

It sounds like at least a few PPs are in a similar boat so it’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this touched a few nerves! I’m neither blaming my husband nor would I consider an affair 🤮 or a divorce. Our marriage is good, I’m just looking for ideas to make it better for both of us.

I could look for a hobby but as a couple of PPs said, it wouldn’t exactly help our marriage if we spent less quality time together. Yes, I have tried initiating fun things but it’s not an amazing feeling when you’re having to initiate all the time either.

It sounds like at least a few PPs are in a similar boat so it’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

I dunno that I agree that doing something on your own can’t translate to
marital closeness/benefits. At a minimum, you would be bringing home new energy and conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. To make it worse, H ran up some debt without me knowing and now every spare penny he has after bills goes towards that. So there’s zero money from him for date nights, and it’s just hard to get excited about a date night where I have to plan and pay for everything.

A couple things that helped me:

1. I went on a solo trip for a week. That got me enough excitement I was happy to see my H again.

2. I do have a couple guys I “date”. They know I’m married, but I have great chemistry with them, we’ll go out to a happy hour or for coffee and flirt for an hour. Nothing physical, it’s just nice to be around someone who is interesting and interested in me.

I'm just curious and I'm divorced. I've never cheated on my spouse. Not my jam but where do you find men to "date" if you're married? And you know one day they will want more. Seems like a slippery slope.

ashley madison

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can do a class or a new hobby together?