Exhausting To Pretend I’m Poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never been in this situation. No one at work has ever asked me about a car payment. If they did I would say my cars are paid off (and also they are older). If someone complains about their car payment I would just listen. Why do you feel like you need to pretend to be in the same situation? You can be sympathetic without lying.

NP - I have a coworker who drives and seems to really enjoy their electric car, so as a conversation starter I mentioned it to them when we got one recently. First they asked what kind it was, and the very next question was whether we leased it. For a moment I wondered if there was some kind of pro-electric car lease rebate or something we missed out on. But anyway, it happens! I have another coworker who constantly seems to be apologizing for the house they live in because their mortgage interest rate is one of the super-low ones they locked in during the pandemic. Seriously, don’t care! Know nothing about their home, sure it’s great! But they are constantly bringing it up. I get the sense they feel like they are outgrowing it.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Make large expenditures at tax time.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never worked anywhere where my coworkers and I regularly discuss our personal finances. Why does this keep coming up? Just don't participate in this.

I also have never worked anywhere where people talked about their money issues.

[Anonymous]

I find it much more exhausting to try to keep up with the Joneses. I think that's why, despite our income rising to seven figures, we've stayed in our old neighborhood, in our old public schools, and kept our old friends. We mostly live how we always have, except for now, we have positively zero stress about money. The thought of moving into a neighborhood full of mansions, where everyone attends private schools and lives the high life, feels intimidating and stressful to me. I feel much better living the life we've always lived, with quiet, private indulgences along the way (expensive trips, which we don't advertise; also got a personal chef 2x/week which I don't tell anyone about) than I would upgrading to a higher lifestyle. The more money I pile up in investments the more relaxed I feel. I don't worry about money anymore, but I keenly recall what that was like, and so it doesn't feel dishonest when I murmur in agreement with friends who lament how much our kids' club soccer fees are, the tournament travel costs, the grocery bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never been in this situation. No one at work has ever asked me about a car payment. If they did I would say my cars are paid off (and also they are older). If someone complains about their car payment I would just listen. Why do you feel like you need to pretend to be in the same situation? You can be sympathetic without lying.

NP - I have a coworker who drives and seems to really enjoy their electric car, so as a conversation starter I mentioned it to them when we got one recently. First they asked what kind it was, and the very next question was whether we leased it. For a moment I wondered if there was some kind of pro-electric car lease rebate or something we missed out on. But anyway, it happens! I have another coworker who constantly seems to be apologizing for the house they live in because their mortgage interest rate is one of the super-low ones they locked in during the pandemic. Seriously, don’t care! Know nothing about their home, sure it’s great! But they are constantly bringing it up. I get the sense they feel like they are outgrowing it.

There is in that everyone gets the $7500 tax credit on a lease, regardless of your income. If you buy, only those that earn below a certain level get the $7500 rebate.

This is why many electric cars have very low monthly lease payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has ever asked me about any of this. Also debt free. But I would definitely judge a middle aged person getting parental help as an adult. It's infantilizing. I would judge that more than someone on their own struggling to pay bills and doing the best they can.

NP. I grew up poor but now have a good net worth. I’m planning on giving our DS when he is older and has a family 30k a year or whatever max gift tax free it is.

Much better to give it to your kids now when they can use it and relieve some of the financial stress the hold onto it till you die and they get it at 60.

So no I’m judging OP at all and smart financial strategy from parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has ever asked me about any of this. Also debt free. But I would definitely judge a middle aged person getting parental help as an adult. It's infantilizing. I would judge that more than someone on their own struggling to pay bills and doing the best they can.

NP. I grew up poor but now have a good net worth. I’m planning on giving our DS when he is older and has a family 30k a year or whatever max gift tax free it is.

Much better to give it to your kids now when they can use it and relieve some of the financial stress the hold onto it till you die and they get it at 60.

So no I’m judging OP at all and smart financial strategy from parents.

typo not judging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting really tired of hiding my financial situation at work to avoid making people uncomfortable. It’s perfectly fine for people to talk about how bad their finances are, but people definitely hold it against you if you are doing well. I don’t have a car payments, bought them with cash. No debt other than mortgage and my parents and in-laws regularly give us money. It’s really annoying to pretend like I have a car payment and credit card debt, and struggling to pay my mortgage. Does anyone else have any tips on how I can be more convincing at pretending like I am struggling financially?

Stop working and hang out with your kind of people on your yacht.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Car payment and other debt doesn't mean someone is poor. I borrow at 4% and make 20-100% a year returns. I do have a car payment, but it has 0% interest. I do wish I hadn't put 50% down, but I didn't feel like driving away with two cars.
In-laws having to give you money says that you don't have enough money of your own.
This buying 'car cash' and thinking you are doing well, is very middle class thing.
Where do you work where people discuss it all?

It’s called estate planning. I don’t need the money, family is giving it to us for tax planning purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never worked anywhere where my coworkers and I regularly discuss our personal finances. Why does this keep coming up? Just don't participate in this.

I also have never worked anywhere where people talked about their money issues.

It’s very normal and common when you work with a bunch of accountants and financial analysts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you work that everyone in your office is poor?

I took a low stress job, so the pay is mediocre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has ever asked me about any of this. Also debt free. But I would definitely judge a middle aged person getting parental help as an adult. It's infantilizing. I would judge that more than someone on their own struggling to pay bills and doing the best they can.

NP. I grew up poor but now have a good net worth. I’m planning on giving our DS when he is older and has a family 30k a year or whatever max gift tax free it is.

Much better to give it to your kids now when they can use it and relieve some of the financial stress the hold onto it till you die and they get it at 60.

So no I’m judging OP at all and smart financial strategy from parents.

Why wait? Set up an irrevocable trust for your son and start funding it.

[Anonymous]

Your coworkers ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS (unless they actually are friends with you outside of work).

My coworkers know very little about me where I currently work. In the past, I have been able to share a little more, but where I currently work, people are so nosy, inappropriately so, and thus, I starve them of information.

It’s none of your coworkers business what you spend your money on, how much you have, whether you have debt or not, etc. I grew up with a trust fund, and my current coworkers would never know. It’s simply none of their business. Keep those conversations general, not personal.