Anyone have a baby with second husband and have it turn out well with kids from first marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"

How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.

Really?

Lol. Ok -- I'll explain it. One scenario is an intact family. One is not. Very, very different.

No it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"

How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.

Because the remarriage effectively disinherits the kid. Sorry, but it's true.

No, it doesn't, less the kids don't have a relationship with one parent and that parent appropriatly chooses not to leave them anything. No one is entitled to inherit anything. My sister convinced my parents to leave her everything. We are equally comfortable. It was just pure greed and selfish behavior on all three of them. My parents put all their effort into her. After I realized what they were all doing and stopped contact, my life was much better.

If a parent remarries, anything before marriage should be split among all the kids. Anything post marriage - between the husband and wife, it should be split in half and each adult decide who gets the inheritance from their half.

If you choose to not allow your kids to have a relationship with their other parent, you should not expect any inhertance.

1. Alot of people would say you're the evil step mom if you don't put cinderella in the pot as an equal partner
2. What happens when the second wife is the one to care for the man as he ages, changes his diapers, takes him to all the Dr. appointments? Yet the man has adult children and grandchildren? How do you split the inheritance? What if she is living in a family house he inherited from his family? Do her kids get a part of the house? This woman could have been care giving for 20 years.

Re-marriage complicates things immensely

What if the second wife has fun with him and his money while he's retired and then dumps him on the adult kids when he's old and sick, walking off with half the assets?

You assume there is a relationship and kids are willing.

My husband came into the marriage with nothing. I paid for the wedding, honeymoon and more to get us started. He’s made up for it since then but his kids were grown and out of college before we had any money. We’ve been married twice as long as he was to his ex, really longer than that. We’ll be married at least 40 years. If they want money from us if there is any, that hoes by relationship. You don’t earn it by being born.

I didn’t get anything get from my parents. They choose my sibling. Technically I should have gotten something but she stole it all. It was their money and if they wanted me to have something they would have. They hadn’t given me or my kids a dime ever, not even gifts for my kids from the dollar tree. No big deal.

It is greedy to expect an inheritance and if the second marriage is a long one and half her money, it should not be taken from her to give to his kids. And, our kids are minors so any minor kids should be the priority through grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"

How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.

Because the remarriage effectively disinherits the kid. Sorry, but it's true.

No, it doesn't, less the kids don't have a relationship with one parent and that parent appropriatly chooses not to leave them anything. No one is entitled to inherit anything. My sister convinced my parents to leave her everything. We are equally comfortable. It was just pure greed and selfish behavior on all three of them. My parents put all their effort into her. After I realized what they were all doing and stopped contact, my life was much better.

If a parent remarries, anything before marriage should be split among all the kids. Anything post marriage - between the husband and wife, it should be split in half and each adult decide who gets the inheritance from their half.

If you choose to not allow your kids to have a relationship with their other parent, you should not expect any inhertance.

1. Alot of people would say you're the evil step mom if you don't put cinderella in the pot as an equal partner
2. What happens when the second wife is the one to care for the man as he ages, changes his diapers, takes him to all the Dr. appointments? Yet the man has adult children and grandchildren? How do you split the inheritance? What if she is living in a family house he inherited from his family? Do her kids get a part of the house? This woman could have been care giving for 20 years.

Re-marriage complicates things immensely

What if the second wife has fun with him and his money while he's retired and then dumps him on the adult kids when he's old and sick, walking off with half the assets?

You assume there is a relationship and kids are willing.

My husband came into the marriage with nothing. I paid for the wedding, honeymoon and more to get us started. He’s made up for it since then but his kids were grown and out of college before we had any money. We’ve been married twice as long as he was to his ex, really longer than that. We’ll be married at least 40 years. If they want money from us if there is any, that hoes by relationship. You don’t earn it by being born.

I didn’t get anything get from my parents. They choose my sibling. Technically I should have gotten something but she stole it all. It was their money and if they wanted me to have something they would have. They hadn’t given me or my kids a dime ever, not even gifts for my kids from the dollar tree. No big deal.

It is greedy to expect an inheritance and if the second marriage is a long one and half her money, it should not be taken from her to give to his kids. And, our kids are minors so any minor kids should be the priority through grad school.

Is this meant to convince people that having a baby in a second marriage will work out great for the kids from the first marriage?

[Anonymous]

OV from the oldest of several siblings from first marriage here.

Dad remarried much younger women. Initially, she was OK with 1st marriage kids. Then, once they had their own baby (the first baby for his wife), everything completely changed. We lived within walking distance, but were no longer welcome to stop by. All focus shifted to their family and child. Dad was the sports dad for my sibs--no more. We were marginalized and then they moved across the country after taking a new job opportunity, it her urging.

We last saw half-sibling at age 10 and were erased as a family. I am not even sure their friends and neighbors of the last 2 decades even know there was a first marriage and children. My siblings and I have not had any contact in two decades; our attempts to connect with half-sibling post college were rebuffed.

While not wealthy, we were UMC (she was not; a very smart college finaid recipient), and somehow she managed to get everyone cut off prior to weddings, etc. One sibling was left to cover her own college expenses at a state college while half-sis was busy riding horses, attending fancy K-12 private, then private univ. and grad school.

In hindsight, dad married a selfish moneygrubbing b**** and apparently raised one too.

So getting back to your question, it takes a lot--everyone has to be genuinely willing to make it work. Dad's wife was not, and he was not about to have a second failed marriage, so we just vanished! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

should read, POV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OV from the oldest of several siblings from first marriage here.

Dad remarried much younger women. Initially, she was OK with 1st marriage kids. Then, once they had their own baby (the first baby for his wife), everything completely changed. We lived within walking distance, but were no longer welcome to stop by. All focus shifted to their family and child. Dad was the sports dad for my sibs--no more. We were marginalized and then they moved across the country after taking a new job opportunity, it her urging.

We last saw half-sibling at age 10 and were erased as a family. I am not even sure their friends and neighbors of the last 2 decades even know there was a first marriage and children. My siblings and I have not had any contact in two decades; our attempts to connect with half-sibling post college were rebuffed.

While not wealthy, we were UMC (she was not; a very smart college finaid recipient), and somehow she managed to get everyone cut off prior to weddings, etc. One sibling was left to cover her own college expenses at a state college while half-sis was busy riding horses, attending fancy K-12 private, then private univ. and grad school.

In hindsight, dad married a selfish moneygrubbing b**** and apparently raised one too.

So getting back to your question, it takes a lot--everyone has to be genuinely willing to make it work. Dad's wife was not, and he was not about to have a second failed marriage, so we just vanished! Good luck!

Looks like your dad gets an equal share of the blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"

How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.

Because the remarriage effectively disinherits the kid. Sorry, but it's true.

No, it doesn't, less the kids don't have a relationship with one parent and that parent appropriatly chooses not to leave them anything. No one is entitled to inherit anything. My sister convinced my parents to leave her everything. We are equally comfortable. It was just pure greed and selfish behavior on all three of them. My parents put all their effort into her. After I realized what they were all doing and stopped contact, my life was much better.

If a parent remarries, anything before marriage should be split among all the kids. Anything post marriage - between the husband and wife, it should be split in half and each adult decide who gets the inheritance from their half.

If you choose to not allow your kids to have a relationship with their other parent, you should not expect any inhertance.

1. Alot of people would say you're the evil step mom if you don't put cinderella in the pot as an equal partner
2. What happens when the second wife is the one to care for the man as he ages, changes his diapers, takes him to all the Dr. appointments? Yet the man has adult children and grandchildren? How do you split the inheritance? What if she is living in a family house he inherited from his family? Do her kids get a part of the house? This woman could have been care giving for 20 years.

Re-marriage complicates things immensely

What if the second wife has fun with him and his money while he's retired and then dumps him on the adult kids when he's old and sick, walking off with half the assets?

You assume there is a relationship and kids are willing.

My husband came into the marriage with nothing. I paid for the wedding, honeymoon and more to get us started. He’s made up for it since then but his kids were grown and out of college before we had any money. We’ve been married twice as long as he was to his ex, really longer than that. We’ll be married at least 40 years. If they want money from us if there is any, that hoes by relationship. You don’t earn it by being born.

I didn’t get anything get from my parents. They choose my sibling. Technically I should have gotten something but she stole it all. It was their money and if they wanted me to have something they would have. They hadn’t given me or my kids a dime ever, not even gifts for my kids from the dollar tree. No big deal.

It is greedy to expect an inheritance and if the second marriage is a long one and half her money, it should not be taken from her to give to his kids. And, our kids are minors so any minor kids should be the priority through grad school.

You seem to be saying a second marriage ruined your childhood/early adulthood and you chose to make that mistake yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OV from the oldest of several siblings from first marriage here.

Dad remarried much younger women. Initially, she was OK with 1st marriage kids. Then, once they had their own baby (the first baby for his wife), everything completely changed. We lived within walking distance, but were no longer welcome to stop by. All focus shifted to their family and child. Dad was the sports dad for my sibs--no more. We were marginalized and then they moved across the country after taking a new job opportunity, it her urging.

We last saw half-sibling at age 10 and were erased as a family. I am not even sure their friends and neighbors of the last 2 decades even know there was a first marriage and children. My siblings and I have not had any contact in two decades; our attempts to connect with half-sibling post college were rebuffed.

While not wealthy, we were UMC (she was not; a very smart college finaid recipient), and somehow she managed to get everyone cut off prior to weddings, etc. One sibling was left to cover her own college expenses at a state college while half-sis was busy riding horses, attending fancy K-12 private, then private univ. and grad school.

In hindsight, dad married a selfish moneygrubbing b**** and apparently raised one too.

So getting back to your question, it takes a lot--everyone has to be genuinely willing to make it work. Dad's wife was not, and he was not about to have a second failed marriage, so we just vanished! Good luck!

This is all predictable. You push the fledglings out of the nest that aren't your's. If you lived with your step mom you would have been put in a position to be neglected by her. She was nice until she secured/tested her own fertility and baby-trapped your dad, then she didn't need to be nice anymore

The reality of the situation is that most people do not have the financial or emotional resources to split between more than one household without somebody being left out in the cold

I kind of dont even blame the new daughter. Why is it her fault dad had a first family? Why *should* she have to share from her perspective as a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OV from the oldest of several siblings from first marriage here.

Dad remarried much younger women. Initially, she was OK with 1st marriage kids. Then, once they had their own baby (the first baby for his wife), everything completely changed. We lived within walking distance, but were no longer welcome to stop by. All focus shifted to their family and child. Dad was the sports dad for my sibs--no more. We were marginalized and then they moved across the country after taking a new job opportunity, it her urging.

We last saw half-sibling at age 10 and were erased as a family. I am not even sure their friends and neighbors of the last 2 decades even know there was a first marriage and children. My siblings and I have not had any contact in two decades; our attempts to connect with half-sibling post college were rebuffed.

While not wealthy, we were UMC (she was not; a very smart college finaid recipient), and somehow she managed to get everyone cut off prior to weddings, etc. One sibling was left to cover her own college expenses at a state college while half-sis was busy riding horses, attending fancy K-12 private, then private univ. and grad school.

In hindsight, dad married a selfish moneygrubbing b**** and apparently raised one too.

So getting back to your question, it takes a lot--everyone has to be genuinely willing to make it work. Dad's wife was not, and he was not about to have a second failed marriage, so we just vanished! Good luck!

This is all predictable. You push the fledglings out of the nest that aren't your's. If you lived with your step mom you would have been put in a position to be neglected by her. She was nice until she secured/tested her own fertility and baby-trapped your dad, then she didn't need to be nice anymore

The reality of the situation is that most people do not have the financial or emotional resources to split between more than one household without somebody being left out in the cold

I kind of dont even blame the new daughter. Why is it her fault dad had a first family? Why *should* she have to share from her perspective as a child?

The blame is misplaced here. It was 100% on the dad to take care of his first set of kids. If he couldn’t be bothered why would a strange woman be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"

How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.

Because the remarriage effectively disinherits the kid. Sorry, but it's true.

No, it doesn't, less the kids don't have a relationship with one parent and that parent appropriatly chooses not to leave them anything. No one is entitled to inherit anything. My sister convinced my parents to leave her everything. We are equally comfortable. It was just pure greed and selfish behavior on all three of them. My parents put all their effort into her. After I realized what they were all doing and stopped contact, my life was much better.

If a parent remarries, anything before marriage should be split among all the kids. Anything post marriage - between the husband and wife, it should be split in half and each adult decide who gets the inheritance from their half.

If you choose to not allow your kids to have a relationship with their other parent, you should not expect any inhertance.

1. Alot of people would say you're the evil step mom if you don't put cinderella in the pot as an equal partner
2. What happens when the second wife is the one to care for the man as he ages, changes his diapers, takes him to all the Dr. appointments? Yet the man has adult children and grandchildren? How do you split the inheritance? What if she is living in a family house he inherited from his family? Do her kids get a part of the house? This woman could have been care giving for 20 years.

Re-marriage complicates things immensely

What if the second wife has fun with him and his money while he's retired and then dumps him on the adult kids when he's old and sick, walking off with half the assets?

You assume there is a relationship and kids are willing.

My husband came into the marriage with nothing. I paid for the wedding, honeymoon and more to get us started. He’s made up for it since then but his kids were grown and out of college before we had any money. We’ve been married twice as long as he was to his ex, really longer than that. We’ll be married at least 40 years. If they want money from us if there is any, that hoes by relationship. You don’t earn it by being born.

I didn’t get anything get from my parents. They choose my sibling. Technically I should have gotten something but she stole it all. It was their money and if they wanted me to have something they would have. They hadn’t given me or my kids a dime ever, not even gifts for my kids from the dollar tree. No big deal.

It is greedy to expect an inheritance and if the second marriage is a long one and half her money, it should not be taken from her to give to his kids. And, our kids are minors so any minor kids should be the priority through grad school.

Is this meant to convince people that having a baby in a second marriage will work out great for the kids from the first marriage?

+1
Prime example of why not to have more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old and 4 plus 1 year old with second husband. My 15 year old has always been the kind of kid to love other people and their kids. So absolutely thrilled to welcome siblings. That said, grandparents help get the teenager driven around from school sports. Otherwise it would be a lot.

I had a half sister and I was 8 years older and when I went off to college never be saw her again or wanted to. My father did divorce step mother so I guess if they had still been together I would have seen her.

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

OP - why do you want to have a baby so bad? The likelihood of it not being great for your existing kids is high.

[Anonymous]

Yes it works. Having full legal custody of older child helped in our case. The teenage years were rough, but she is doing fine now. Minimal relationship when younger kids were little, she just didn't want to deal with them. Much better now since she is a senior in college and understands that she put us all through a ringer and her younger siblings genuinely love her and are good kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it works. Having full legal custody of older child helped in our case. The teenage years were rough, but she is doing fine now. Minimal relationship when younger kids were little, she just didn't want to deal with them. Much better now since she is a senior in college and understands that she put us all through a ringer and her younger siblings genuinely love her and are good kids.

What a gross post. You don’t acknowledge the huge upheaval of her life or how she felt at all. She “put you through the wringer” because she got pushed out so you could pop out new kids to lavish with attention.