Anyone have a baby with second husband and have it turn out well with kids from first marriage

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"



How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.


Well, I think in an intact familly the teens are often not that happy about a new baby either.

But it's different because the older child still gets to live with both their parents. They don't have to do joint custody or experience a loss of parent-child interaction time, and they don't have to deal with a new adult being forced into their home whether they like it or not. They also don't have to deal with stepsiblings if there are any (as distinct from half siblings). A remarriage and a baby after a divorce is a disruption after a disruption after a disruption. It's three disruptions rather than one.


So, by your logic no adult should have more than one kid. As, any 2-3-4th kid regardless of the age difference, takes up parents' time and resources. My husband's ex put all her energy into the AP/boyfriend not the kids so even if they had more kids, none would have been the priority.


No, I think the benefit of a full sibling *that you grow up with* is different from a half sibling that realistically you don't really know well at all, and that has a different set of loyalties. And I think divorced parents who are already dealing with the after-effects of divorce (joint custody hassle, financial, disruptions and new adults and siblings from the kid's other parent) would do well to very carefully consider their money, time and energy before adding more kids. That's why I say this works well if you have plenty of money, not so well if you don't.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"



How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids. With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.

The difference is that the stepparent may prefer and favor their biological children. Saw this in my family. Sadly, the parent went along with it too. The child feels it. It's not the same.
Anonymous
Run!
Anonymous
I agree with the folks saying that it works best when the kids already live with the parent having the new baby. It feels like getting a new sibling, which is a pretty normal experience.

The more common scenario, though, is the non-custodial or limited-custodial father starting a new family, and that brings up some huge feelings for even older kids along the lines of "Why was he not willing to help raise me, but is willing to live full time with the new kids?"
Anonymous
OP you need to have realistic expectations. If the age gap isn't very big and you only have one child now, then they may build a bond and be glad to have a sibling in the long run. They might look back at it *in the long run* as a good thing.

But if you're looking for a way to make a teen live in a house full of poop and screaming, while also giving them less of your time and attention, and expecting them to be happy about it, you're headed for a rude awakening.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"



Did the OP say that the children from the first marriage were teens?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:From blended family here. It worked well for us because the older kids’ were my mother’s kids and she had custody so we all grew up together.


Says you, the younger kid.
Your older step siblings likely have a different take. The family they knew is gone and the were forced to make do.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Huh? You don’t know anyone who has half siblings?

I am an only from mom/dads marriage #1. I have 3 siblings from my dad’s marriage 2. We are very close. I truly dont understand your concern.


DP

Honestly, I don't. I'm from an UMC family in the midwest and everyone stayed married or divorced, some had step siblings, not half siblings.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It depends on your ex’s household. I think it works the best in situations where:

1. The parents having the baby have full custody
OR
2. The relationship with the ex is extremely amicable and respectful AND
3. Both households are on equal footing financially.

Otherwise, the kids from the first marriage go back and forth and never really feel like a “full time” member of the family.


I know a few situations where it worked out where 2 and 3 were in play. They had an amicable relationship and everyone stayed in the same area/neighborhood.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I agree with the folks saying that it works best when the kids already live with the parent having the new baby. It feels like getting a new sibling, which is a pretty normal experience.

The more common scenario, though, is the non-custodial or limited-custodial father starting a new family, and that brings up some huge feelings for even older kids along the lines of "Why was he not willing to help raise me, but is willing to live full time with the new kids?"


Yep, these are the old guys who are all over facebook with the new younger wife and their little kids.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them not be permanently psychologically damaged by it?"



This, and I updated the last sentence.
Anonymous
My husband says HARD pass. Eight kids with the first and two after. A complete S*IT SHOW.
Anonymous
My sister did this. Now he’s on his third wife and she has to share her kids with the new wife.

Don’t. Do. It.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My husband says HARD pass. Eight kids with the first and two after. A complete S*IT SHOW.


Your husband has 10 kids?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My kids are all well into adulthood now. My two sons from my first marriage have said to me, of their own initiative, "We completely understand why you and Dad divorced, and you are both much happier now. We just don't understand why you got married in the first place." They have always had a close, loving relationship with their sister from my second marriage (with a 9 and 11 year age gap from my sons). They have a very close relationship with their stepdad.

lol yeah right. This reads delulu.
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