Anyone have a baby with second husband and have it turn out well with kids from first marriage

[Anonymous]

DCUM says don't do it. So much so I am wondering if there are any success stories at all?

[Anonymous]

I have a 15 year old and 4 plus 1 year old with second husband. My 15 year old has always been the kind of kid to love other people and their kids. So absolutely thrilled to welcome siblings. That said, grandparents help get the teenager driven around from school sports. Otherwise it would be a lot.

[Anonymous]

You should ask the grown kids, not the parent. You’d probably get a very different answer.
Most of the adult children of divorce I know (with younger stepsiblings from a 2nd marriage) have some sad memories of childhood, trust issues, feelings of inferiority/not being good enough. And also future relationship issues. But their parents thought everything was great

[Anonymous]

Huh? You don’t know anyone who has half siblings?

I am an only from mom/dads marriage #1. I have 3 siblings from my dad’s marriage 2. We are very close. I truly dont understand your concern.

[Anonymous]

Just had a nice chat with my younger (half) sis today. I was 15 when she was born. We are now 50s/40s. Consider her full sis. Love her!

[Anonymous]

I am an adult who was a kid from marriage 1 with both step siblings (step mom’s kid from marriage 1) and a half brother. As kids, I got on very well with one step sibling and half sibling and OK with other step sibling and step mom. As an adult, I get along well with all of them and still attend family events even though my dad died a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

I know a really pulled together woman who co-parents a now college age boy well with her ex. She and her second husband have a daughter who is about 8 years younger than her bigger half brother.

Key to the success is that mom has it completely together and 2nd husband is a really nice, pulled together guy as well. And older son is quiet and introverted. And there was space between the divorce and remarriage and baby sister. Probably helps that the little sister is adorable and looks up to her big brother.

ExH has an older daughter from a first marriage who has almost no contact with younger brother. They are about 20 years apart in age and never lived together or near each other.

[Anonymous]

My son (11) has a pretty good relationship with his stepsister (30) now, but it was rough when she was 18 to find out that her dad and newly married stepmom were having a baby. Even though her parents had been divorced since she was 12 and even though we waited to marry until she left HS, it was still really hard for her to adjust to and I think she felt displaced. She went off the deep end with drugs for a while and is clean now and has a child, but her life is not what it might have been if both parents had focused on her needs and on setting really firm boundaries for her when she started to struggle in HS.

[Anonymous]

I think this goes badly unless you are quite wealthy. And I never believe the parents when they say everything is great, because divorced people tend to believe what makes them feel okay about their choices.

[Anonymous]

I think it can only work if the original parent is dead or dad has full custody and mom out of their life. I don’t see how it will work. His first priority is to the children he already has.

[Anonymous]

My friend did. Her older kid's dad was MIA and she was really young when she had the first kid, so she would have been facing a long life as a single mom of one if she hadn't dated again. Her new husband is a high-earner, solid, dependable, and good guy. She also has a good career, so there were no money tradeoffs when they had kids together. I think the older kid had some minor challenges, but she was aware of them and found ways for them to spend time together, apart from her husband and younger kids. I think her husband also struggled with her kid during the teenage years ("you're not my dad" stuff when they were disciplined), but they worked through them and have a nice relationship now.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your ex’s household. I think it works the best in situations where:

1. The parents having the baby have full custody
OR
2. The relationship with the ex is extremely amicable and respectful AND
3. Both households are on equal footing financially.

Otherwise, the kids from the first marriage go back and forth and never really feel like a “full time” member of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a really pulled together woman who co-parents a now college age boy well with her ex. She and her second husband have a daughter who is about 8 years younger than her bigger half brother.

Key to the success is that mom has it completely together and 2nd husband is a really nice, pulled together guy as well. And older son is quiet and introverted. And there was space between the divorce and remarriage and baby sister. Probably helps that the little sister is adorable and looks up to her big brother.

ExH has an older daughter from a first marriage who has almost no contact with younger brother. They are about 20 years apart in age and never lived together or near each other.

What does “pulled together” mean in this context? You use this phrase several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this goes badly unless you are quite wealthy. And I never believe the parents when they say everything is great, because divorced people tend to believe what makes them feel okay about their choices.

I have a friend who comes from great wealth, and her dad left his first wife and married her mom and they lived happily ever after. Except when parents died, she discovered she had three half sisters from his first marriage that she’d never met or knew about. It was kind of awful. And the fighting over the great wealth…ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should ask the grown kids, not the parent. You’d probably get a very different answer.
Most of the adult children of divorce I know (with younger stepsiblings from a 2nd marriage) have some sad memories of childhood, trust issues, feelings of inferiority/not being good enough. And also future relationship issues. But their parents thought everything was great

[phone]

Trust us, this is a conversation to have with adults from their parents' "first families." Some good stories, some bad stories, some mixed. But those are the stories you want. The opinions and takes from the parents are honestly irrelevant.