If you left a decent career to sahm… do you miss the intellectual stimulation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I quit being a SAHM because of this. It’s not just about reading books or having hobbies.

It’s more about building something and interacting with other adults to achieve something. With kids, once you get the basics down, it’s just the same thing day after day with no end in sight. With work, there’s an actual project with a completion date that requires creativity, trial and error, and it pushes me to my limits. Also helpful I’m surrounded by people who also geek out over the things I do and show a lot of appreciation (which, let’s be honest, kids and husbands don’t).

I know moms who are very happy being SAHMs and that’s great for them. But I can’t do it.

Okay, I also found being a SAHM kind of boring as the kids got older, but a lot of that is that I just spent so much time doing chores. I feel like actually caring for kids is constantly changing and requires a lot of improvisation. Frankly, sometimes I feel like I go to work just to get a break.
Being a parent to kids who are 2, 4, and 6 is very different than being a parent to kids who are 7, 9, and 11, and it’s different again from being a parent to kids who are all teens. Almost nothing you learn those first few years is useful ten years later.

Meanwhile, being a doctor is pretty much the same. There have been some minor changes, but, unlike being a mother, it’s not a completely different job than it was fifteen years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a post every week disguised as a question but is clearly just a judgmental post about SAHMs? We get it. DCUM in general hates all forms of SAHP.

It works for some, would never work for others, and is looked down by many.

OP here. Not at all. I’m in my mid thirties and am at an inflection point in my personal and professional lives. I don’t look down on stay at home moms. I think it’s very valuable to have a parent at home. I’m just realizing it doesn’t come without sacrifice (sacrificing career, conventional achievement, etc.) and women can’t have it all. Being a working mom is tough, and staying at home has its own drawbacks.

[Anonymous]

I love devoting all my energy to and spending as much time as possible with my kids so I love SAH. Being an older mother (had the kids in my late 30s) is one reason I view it this way. I also went to a top school and have an academic background.

Most people are not like me though. It sounds like you should be a stay a working mom or find a part time job in your field.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the reasons we homeschool. Our kids are doing far better academically than they would be doing at school, and they’re raised by a parent at home without parent going crazy from boredom. I gave up a big job for this, but so far it’s been worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we homeschool. Our kids are doing far better academically than they would be doing at school, and they’re raised by a parent at home without parent going crazy from boredom. I gave up a big job for this, but so far it’s been worth it.

Most people would rather eat glass than be paid $0 to teach their own kids all day long.

[Anonymous]

When I wasn’t working I got pretty depressed - I was both bored and felt like I was wasting my life and kept thinking about death. I’m sure that’s not true of everyone but for me it felt like I had worked to hard in school and after to not do anything with my brain beyond kid stuff.

To me wfh has been the answer to everything which is why I cannot understand why we are going back in time with this. Everything is just getting worse for women again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we homeschool. Our kids are doing far better academically than they would be doing at school, and they’re raised by a parent at home without parent going crazy from boredom. I gave up a big job for this, but so far it’s been worth it.

This would be my worst nightmare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons we homeschool. Our kids are doing far better academically than they would be doing at school, and they’re raised by a parent at home without parent going crazy from boredom. I gave up a big job for this, but so far it’s been worth it.

This would be my worst nightmare

Yeah if people can’t handle being a regular SAHM, they def would not be able to handle being a homeschool SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had my third child. I’ve been enjoying my time home while on maternity leave.

With three kids (6 and under), I feel like I am constantly busy. I was busy before, with 2 kids, but I am handling it better without the added stress of my job and like being available for my kids more - to the extent that I’m considering whether I should leave my job altogether at some point.

Leaving aside my financial hesitations about leaving the workforce, I have this nagging feeling about not doing something intellectually stimulating. I have a decent career in which I have mom tracked myself but I could dial it up. I am model mgmt at a prestigious company, went to a top university, and was always a strong student. I value having a parent being at home with the kids, and a less stressed one at that, but I feel this impending loss of identity not achieving.

I wouldn’t miss my job itself as much as having goals to work towards and feeling less aimless on a daily basis. Any sahms deal with that feeling?

No. I don’t miss using my intelligence and competence to make maga corporations richer.

I enjoy reading what I want to read instead of corporate mumbo jumbo.

I do miss the interaction with other adults and colleagues whose company I enjoyed.

Instead of talking to my husband about work I’ve enjoyed reading more intellectually interesting books - literature, history, niche topics - and sharing them with DH. He comments that he enjoys the fun topics I bring to our conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love devoting all my energy to and spending as much time as possible with my kids so I love SAH. Being an older mother (had the kids in my late 30s) is one reason I view it this way. I also went to a top school and have an academic background.

Most people are not like me though. It sounds like you should be a stay a working mom or find a part time job in your field.

Me too, but I'm an older mom too and had a more time to build up savings/retirement. Twenty years in the workforce was good enough. I was in tech and had an expiration date anyway! If I were in my early 30s, I'd keep working and juggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a post every week disguised as a question but is clearly just a judgmental post about SAHMs? We get it. DCUM in general hates all forms of SAHP.

It works for some, would never work for others, and is looked down by many.

OP here. Not at all. I’m in my mid thirties and am at an inflection point in my personal and professional lives. I don’t look down on stay at home moms. I think it’s very valuable to have a parent at home. I’m just realizing it doesn’t come without sacrifice (sacrificing career, conventional achievement, etc.) and women can’t have it all. Being a working mom is tough, and staying at home has its own drawbacks.

I’m a decade older than you and had a similar inflection point in my mid thirties. I ended up taking a break from work and ended up having a third child at almost 40. I now have a child in elementary school, a child in middle school and a child in high school.

I know many different mothers. Some women have demanding powerful careers. Others are stay at home moms. Some have mommy tracked jobs. I don’t think the mommy jobs are all that fulfilling and interesting either. Before I stopped working, I tried taking a pay cut for more flexibility. Taking a less than job didn’t challenge me. DH earns a high income so it made the decision to leave my flexible not so great job.