If you left a decent career to sahm… do you miss the intellectual stimulation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

both my kids and I would rather poke our eyes out than me home school.

Agreed. I’m also not delusional enough to think I’m a better teacher than someone with a masters in education. Many (many!) people should not homeschool. That becomes more obvious once children are a bit older, at which point it’s much harder to catch up.

Truth bombs hitting hard

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

both my kids and I would rather poke our eyes out than me home school.

I am sorry I re-read what I wrote and I gave the impression I was home schooling.

My kids were going to public school in the magnet programs from ES and I was also accelerating and enriching at home using curriculum I was cherry picking from several places. I wanted them to excel at school, no doubt, but I found even the magnet curriculum to be very limited from K-12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not enough to go back.

You can have goals and mentally stimulate yourself by keeping your house running like a well-oiled machine (decluttering, cleaning schedule to keep your home in pristine condition, yard work, preparing balanced meals, etc) and opportunities for hobbies and volunteering while kids are in school, or mommy and me activities that can enrich your child(ren) and you can have some conversation with other adults. Your days don’t have to be aimless if you plan out your days like you did at work. It took me about 5 years to get this.

Op here. This is me! It’s like I’ve had time to tackle all the projects I don’t have time for while I’m working that drive me crazy - or that I spend my limited free time on weekends and resent my husband for not helping with. Cooking healthy meals, having organized pantries and playrooms, meal prep, being the one who picks my older kids up from school. Being home is a huge relief in that sense, because I was doing a lot of this while working but not doing it well, and was constantly spread thin.

But then I’ll organize a pantry or a closet and think “is this what I ‘m using my brain for?”

And I get it - it’s not. I’d be using to raise my kids if I stayed at home and there’s value in that. But when I was working, I was so desperate to stay home because I was miserable trying to balance everything. And now that I’m at home (albeit on leave) I realize what a sacrifice it can be for a sahp who want intellectual stimulation and their own validation but also want to raise their kids themselves and have a smoothly running home without the grind that comes with two working parents.

Interestingly, me being home has also allowed my husband to lean into his career more. He doesn’t have to help with doctors appointments or school pickups or taking care of dinner. There are always fresh cooked meals. I don’t mind picking up extra around the house because I have the time for it. And while that delegation is neater, I feel like it creates a dynamic where my husband has his career and my day to day revolves around taking care of an infant, shuttling the older kids, cooking dinner, or my home projects… which I think is boring to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, there was no intellectual stimulation in the career I had. I was not surrounded by smart people. We all were just doing a job to earn a paycheck.

I love being a SAHM because it has allowed me the opportunity and time to expand my horizons. I teach my kids at home and I have basically studied in-depth all subjects that they are being taught from K-12 so that I could be a resource to them. Bad public school teachers, school closings, lack of textbooks, substitute teachers, poor curriculum did not faze me.

I also continue to read, study, take seminars, and learn new skills for my own enjoyment.

both my kids and I would rather poke our eyes out than me home school.

DP. I homeschooled for a little while. It’s kind of fun. My kids were in middle school, and we studied the ancient world through the enlightenment over the three years they were home. I learned a lot about history, religion, poetry, and philosophy.
When they got to high school, they went back to school.

[Anonymous]

I get way more intellectual stimulation as a SAHP because I can choose want to focus on instead of the sometimes interesting sometimes grind of the work in my previous career that left me zero time to pursue other intellectual interests.

In the early years I did a lot of research on my kids various special needs (medical, nutrition and developmental); since then I have studied three languages and cycled through mastering 5-6 hobbies over the last 15 years; immersed myself in my college major again (re-read a lot and learning what's new); took courses and got positions on non-profit boards. I also took a bunch of writing courses to brush up my skills, and now I'm writing a novel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get way more intellectual stimulation as a SAHP because I can choose want to focus on instead of the sometimes interesting sometimes grind of the work in my previous career that left me zero time to pursue other intellectual interests.

In the early years I did a lot of research on my kids various special needs (medical, nutrition and developmental); since then I have studied three languages and cycled through mastering 5-6 hobbies over the last 15 years; immersed myself in my college major again (re-read a lot and learning what's new); took courses and got positions on non-profit boards. I also took a bunch of writing courses to brush up my skills, and now I'm writing a novel.

Ooh lord impressive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not enough to go back.

You can have goals and mentally stimulate yourself by keeping your house running like a well-oiled machine (decluttering, cleaning schedule to keep your home in pristine condition, yard work, preparing balanced meals, etc) and opportunities for hobbies and volunteering while kids are in school, or mommy and me activities that can enrich your child(ren) and you can have some conversation with other adults. Your days don’t have to be aimless if you plan out your days like you did at work. It took me about 5 years to get this.

Op here. This is me! It’s like I’ve had time to tackle all the projects I don’t have time for while I’m working that drive me crazy - or that I spend my limited free time on weekends and resent my husband for not helping with. Cooking healthy meals, having organized pantries and playrooms, meal prep, being the one who picks my older kids up from school. Being home is a huge relief in that sense, because I was doing a lot of this while working but not doing it well, and was constantly spread thin.

But then I’ll organize a pantry or a closet and think “is this what I ‘m using my brain for?”

And I get it - it’s not. I’d be using to raise my kids if I stayed at home and there’s value in that. But when I was working, I was so desperate to stay home because I was miserable trying to balance everything. And now that I’m at home (albeit on leave) I realize what a sacrifice it can be for a sahp who want intellectual stimulation and their own validation but also want to raise their kids themselves and have a smoothly running home without the grind that comes with two working parents.

Interestingly, me being home has also allowed my husband to lean into his career more. He doesn’t have to help with doctors appointments or school pickups or taking care of dinner. There are always fresh cooked meals. I don’t mind picking up extra around the house because I have the time for it. And while that delegation is neater, I feel like it creates a dynamic where my husband has his career and my day to day revolves around taking care of an infant, shuttling the older kids, cooking dinner, or my home projects… which I think is boring to him.

This sounds like it works really well for your family! Are you most worried about what dh thinks? Because I’m sure he’s happy the house is organized, kids are taken care of, and he can focus on his career. If you still feel like something is missing maybe take a class or take up a hobby once or twice a week to challenge yourself and do something for YOU - not the kids, the house, or dh.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is a lazy sack of shit OP

[Anonymous]

Yes I did. I was a nurse then quit to stay at home, in part because working overnights at a hospital conflicted with my husband's work travel schedule. I was in a niche area and a gig during the day at a clinic didn't appeal to me. It was fun the first couple of years but then I got bored with it. I'm now on a second career in the federal govt and not in an agency in the news but the writing is on the wall. My husband still travels so nursing is off the table, and it's been so long anyway I don't think anyone would hire me. And I'm not looking to start a third career so I guess this will be it.

[Anonymous]

I’m annoyed by the people who ask whether I miss using my brain, since I SAH. You can use your brain as a working parent or SAH parent!

I do a kind of “homeschool lite” with my child. He goes to public full time but we do extra math, extra literacy, and instrument work at home along with foreign language. I’ve done certificate and masters course work (for my own purposes and hobbies), along with lots of volunteer work in my community. I volunteer with groups focusing on education and conservation. Now I am looking into a side business building specialty curriculum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not enough to go back.

You can have goals and mentally stimulate yourself by keeping your house running like a well-oiled machine (decluttering, cleaning schedule to keep your home in pristine condition, yard work, preparing balanced meals, etc) and opportunities for hobbies and volunteering while kids are in school, or mommy and me activities that can enrich your child(ren) and you can have some conversation with other adults. Your days don’t have to be aimless if you plan out your days like you did at work. It took me about 5 years to get this.

Op here. This is me! It’s like I’ve had time to tackle all the projects I don’t have time for while I’m working that drive me crazy - or that I spend my limited free time on weekends and resent my husband for not helping with. Cooking healthy meals, having organized pantries and playrooms, meal prep, being the one who picks my older kids up from school. Being home is a huge relief in that sense, because I was doing a lot of this while working but not doing it well, and was constantly spread thin.

But then I’ll organize a pantry or a closet and think “is this what I ‘m using my brain for?”

And I get it - it’s not. I’d be using to raise my kids if I stayed at home and there’s value in that. But when I was working, I was so desperate to stay home because I was miserable trying to balance everything. And now that I’m at home (albeit on leave) I realize what a sacrifice it can be for a sahp who want intellectual stimulation and their own validation but also want to raise their kids themselves and have a smoothly running home without the grind that comes with two working parents.

Interestingly, me being home has also allowed my husband to lean into his career more. He doesn’t have to help with doctors appointments or school pickups or taking care of dinner. There are always fresh cooked meals. I don’t mind picking up extra around the house because I have the time for it. And while that delegation is neater, I feel like it creates a dynamic where my husband has his career and my day to day revolves around taking care of an infant, shuttling the older kids, cooking dinner, or my home projects… which I think is boring to him.

As a long term SAHM of 17 years, let me just tell you this all lost it’s luster long ago. Yes the bold is true, but it’s not like rah rah look at my contributions! It’s really old and tedious.

I’m mainly still home because it became obvious my husband was only going to “lean out” when and how it suited him. And if a big deal or client matter came up at work, it wasn’t going to matter that it was “his day” to make dinner or drive the carpool. So here I am. It’s not glamorous. It just is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not enough to go back.

You can have goals and mentally stimulate yourself by keeping your house running like a well-oiled machine (decluttering, cleaning schedule to keep your home in pristine condition, yard work, preparing balanced meals, etc) and opportunities for hobbies and volunteering while kids are in school, or mommy and me activities that can enrich your child(ren) and you can have some conversation with other adults. Your days don’t have to be aimless if you plan out your days like you did at work. It took me about 5 years to get this.

Op here. This is me! It’s like I’ve had time to tackle all the projects I don’t have time for while I’m working that drive me crazy - or that I spend my limited free time on weekends and resent my husband for not helping with. Cooking healthy meals, having organized pantries and playrooms, meal prep, being the one who picks my older kids up from school. Being home is a huge relief in that sense, because I was doing a lot of this while working but not doing it well, and was constantly spread thin.

But then I’ll organize a pantry or a closet and think “is this what I ‘m using my brain for?”

And I get it - it’s not. I’d be using to raise my kids if I stayed at home and there’s value in that. But when I was working, I was so desperate to stay home because I was miserable trying to balance everything. And now that I’m at home (albeit on leave) I realize what a sacrifice it can be for a sahp who want intellectual stimulation and their own validation but also want to raise their kids themselves and have a smoothly running home without the grind that comes with two working parents.

Interestingly, me being home has also allowed my husband to lean into his career more. He doesn’t have to help with doctors appointments or school pickups or taking care of dinner. There are always fresh cooked meals. I don’t mind picking up extra around the house because I have the time for it. And while that delegation is neater, I feel like it creates a dynamic where my husband has his career and my day to day revolves around taking care of an infant, shuttling the older kids, cooking dinner, or my home projects… which I think is boring to him.

I posted earlier that I stayed at home and liked it. These mommy wars can get so contentious that it’s hard to say anything nuanced. But I understand what you are saying here.

I think the idea of the suburban house is that it’s a place of refuge from work and school. And it is, and it’s lovely when that’s what it is. But it’s kind of weird and lonely and boring to spend your entire life there.
But if no one spends time there cooking and cleaning and organizing, then it isn’t really much of a place of refuge for anyone. It’s a place of work.

If you stay at home, then the home is the place you work and the place everyone in your family relaxes. There is something lovely in creating that for your family, but there is also something tedious and monotonous and lonely as well.

There is a good reason that so many women choose to spend their lives staying at home and caring for their families, but there is also a good reason that so many of these women resort to Milltown and mommy wine culture and getting into better shape than most college athletes.

It feels like you can’t win sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is a lazy sack of shit OP

A nasty one too. Who openly shows their boredom about their spouse’s projects? I can’t imagine my DH doing that, even if he was bored in the inside.