Divorce - yes or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your children, OP?

Teenagers, both in HS

I honestly might wait until they are done with high school unless he makes another threat. However, you pay him more the longer you stay. If you are at 20 years in VA, lifetime alimony can happen.

Does the lifetime alimony happen in MD as well after 20 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems strange for this to crop up after 20yrs. Cheating? Otherwise may be a mental health issue.

But the longer you stay, the more it will cost you…

I ditto cheating based on my experience..mine started having anger issues and finding faults with me-took me a while to realize cheating was and is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left after 25+ years when youngest was off to college. Never looked back.

How long did you wait for the youngest to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Oh boy, get him working and functional first before you file or let him know your intent. Being a breadwinner mom is the absolute worst position to be in in divorce. Sadly I know.

Is she a mom? Do they have kids?

This post sounds quite trollish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

He is abusive and long term unemployed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

I didn’t know how. He’s been so awful, I don’t want to speak with him or look at him. When I hear his voice on the phone (he’s been away for a new job for 2 weeks), I feel like I have PTSD. He repeatedly told me to die/go to my grave/he’ll ship off my coffin etc. I had to go to a hotel because it was so bad for a few days.

wtf

And now he has a job and work travel suddenly?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:idk about where you are, op, but in nyc spousal support tops out at $200k and includes child support for spouse who has kids most of the time (if either) they will impute income income upon the person who was unemployed. so i doubt you will have to pay him that much bc a judge will impute $x income onto him

I don’t think I will have to pay alimony - with his new job he makes almost as much as I do. I would have to buy him out of the house which increased in value a lot and I almost repaid the entire mortgage by now. That will be huge for me.

So awesome he suddenly got a good paying job after never having a job so long. Amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he isn’t having an affair? Anger directed at their spouse is a huge sign of cheating. If you’re in some states, he can’t get alimony if you can prove he’s cheating. My state has a clause for that.
Go hire a private detective.
Money well spent.

Please record him saying these things to you. Go to the lawyer and talk about a protective order based on the recordings you have.
Go get a money card, buy the recording charger, and have it sent to your office. Or open up the recording app on iPhone and/or buy one that records phone calls.

Please move quick. To many women get killed. He knows what he’s saying to you. It’s a threat .

+100

That was the sign of an affair when my ex acted like that after 20 years

[Anonymous]

Divorce. ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

You can't change him. You can change yourself. What's your part in these conflicts? Is there a way to get him to therapy so he can work on his part? What are the circumstances? Is there a way to change those? For example, get less stressful or better paying jobs. Moving from a large money drain house to a smaller fully paid home? Moving kids from expensive privates to public schools? Limiting contact with in-laws (yours ir his) if a factor? Quitting alcohol or shopping addiction? If you want to save this marriage, you two can't continue same behavior and expect new results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Divorce is expensive. Would getting him career coaching and a job would help his anger and your resentment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

I didn’t know how. He’s been so awful, I don’t want to speak with him or look at him. When I hear his voice on the phone (he’s been away for a new job for 2 weeks), I feel like I have PTSD. He repeatedly told me to die/go to my grave/he’ll ship off my coffin etc. I had to go to a hotel because it was so bad for a few days.

Doesn't sound like you two want to do anything with each other. Move on! Money isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Oh boy, get him working and functional first before you file or let him know your intent. Being a breadwinner mom is the absolute worst position to be in in divorce. Sadly I know.

A breadwinner dad is actually the worst. And the moms usually get the kids.

No, they don't. It is usually 50/50.

Women are just experiencing what men have always experienced.

This^ and women aren't good at being the providers. Such marriages fail at higher rates.

[Anonymous]

If he has a job paying as much as yours then you won't have to pay alimony. As far as half of the house price, any assets built during a marriage shared so that's inly fair. You stayed in marriage so that was a choice. Get a court appointed mediator so lawyers aren't draining more money.

[Anonymous]

Did he stay home with your kids? If he did, he deserves half.